I am, Therefore I Think - 1

"I am". What does it mean????

We use these words constantly in our lives… Like “How r u?” “I am fine” or maybe “I am upset”… we say “I am going here or there” or “I am doing this or that”. The “I am” is normally used as an introduction to what is really important…. It could either be the emotion that we r feeling, the thing we r doin or the place we r going to. But there is an experience that can be had; a space that could be beyond the egocentric viewpoints n judgments…a space of just I AM…. It is this I am that Descartes reached after his lifetime of brilliant study, research n search for the truth, when he wrote “I think, therefore I am”

Sometimes when I think… I find myself shying myself from moving into the awareness of I am. It somehow makes me get into a familiar bondage where it always makes me think that I know who n what I am, simply by asserting a verb or adjective after the I am. Nevertheless, just bcoz something feels good or comfortable DOES NOT MEAN that it is true or even something that is good for us.

Clearly, I guess this comfort just builds a false shield around us…. Something that makes us feel safe n secured. But I guess it is so important to grow out of that bubble… n it is damn painful. Ive had so many experiences like this where ive actually felt so out of place when I thought I knew something…… but at the end I didn’t know that much afterall… growth is painful where it gives a moment of pain n discomfort as our worldview stretches n our concepts r shattered.

Mostly it feels soooo comfortable to stay inside the egocentric circle of thought in an “ignorance-is-bliss” way… but eventually life teaches the reality at one point or the other where we start realizing the ways in which we were wrong, limited n close minded about life. But this most probably than not, comes as a shock where it is either a difficult situation or after the attainment of a long wished for dream which, having been attained, is quickly revealed to be empty of the joy n fulfillment we expected. If nothing else, I think this shift often comes at the moment of death, when we realize that practically nothing…. NOTHING we put our life energy through out our life time…. The worldly success, the reputation, the material possessions.... anything…. r not worth even a grain of salt, in the face of a larger reality that extends beyond the threshold of death. Talk about bursting of a bubble… Just imagine how many millions of ppl throughout the centuries have gone through their lives putting off all their life energy into satisfying petty desires... if only we could get it now n live the rest of our lives from that awareness…

STOP for a moment

Imagine the building u r sitting in just collapsed on u. SMASH!!! If u r outside, u better pretend as if u r in a building.

U r suddenly trapped under many layers of debris… u don’t know what happened… was it a bomb?? Or an earthquake??? u lie pinned under the fallen building in a state of confusion. U smell fire.. u r injured but in shock, so the pain has not yet reached the awareness…

Smoke fills the room…

Ur precious oxygen is not there for u.

Ur body begins to perform its preprogrammed maneuvers for life preservation. U begin to gasp… rather ur body gasps for u as u observe, helplessly. Ur lungs open further n further to try to take in any particles of oxygen that might be available, but mostly fills the starved air sacs…

The blood tries to continue its work, but without oxygen from the lungs, everything in the body begins to break down.

But u….

U just watch….

U become a witness to the event, perhaps even lifting in ur subtle astral body above the physical body to view the scene. U realize u have stepped out of the body as u might disrobe at the end of a long night of dancing….. this body that u thought was U… lying there helpless on the ground without u. REALITY HITS…

I guess the most shocking part of the experience wouldn’t have been the experience that u r not the body, but that u were not aware of this fact throughout ur life… U- the u that u r right now – know this as the obvious truth.. we all have known this before as well… but how do we manage to forget this again n again is the $1000000000000 question… at that moment u understand this n so much more, so much more about life, knowledge u now realize that uve always had.

u feel as though uve woken up from a dream filled with delusion n misunderstandings. “How could I have forgotten again?” u cry, not outloud, but with ur entire being. U don’t know whether to laugh or cry. U look down at ur body n see it lying there unconscious. U have a certain tenderness towards it.. no longer an attachment of thinking it is u, but just a recognition of the heart that one might have upon seeing an old childhood house or a favorite toy of the past.

Now put urself into this space n look back on ur life. Look at all the things that were bothering u this morning or this week, this month, this yr… look at ur current list of priorities from the vantagepoint og ur last moment of life… ur work.. ur lovelife… ur money…. Ur dog… all of these things that have so much importance to u. where do they fit in now????