A hint of PURITY

"No, I cannot understand what you are saying. I don't know what these words mean. I don't know your language. I want you to understand mine. Don't open and close your lips; just extend your hand and hold mine. Please! I will give you a chocolate that I hid in my pocket two weeks back - but just hold me. Can i listen to your heartbeat? It makes me feel secure. Just hold me close to your heart so I can feel warm and comfortable. I will learn my ABC later; I promise I will. But can you just touch me right now? I will learn my 123; I know I will. But if you just let me feel your warmth right now, I will be able to dream of a pink coloured teddy.'

I was in a room full of abandoned children between the ages of 2 and 5. Silently, through their eyes, they told me this. Eyes speak volumes and those expressions touched my heart.

With all the love, warmth and touch I have experienced in my growing years, I still have my insecurities, my moments of unbearable lonliness, which goes only when I hug someone I love. What must these kids be feeling??? My childhood is filled with moments of me dancing in my father's oversized shoes and him hugging me with enormous pride.... with memories of amma holding my hand and taking me to the school and to nearby shops.... with images of myself and my elder brother being partners in crime and he literally pouncing on my mother so he could hug me... My childhood was filled with touch. It was filled with someone lovingly caressing me curls. It was filled with listening to old melodies and the steady, stable heartbeat of people who love me. What about these kids????

Once for my brother's birthday, we had to go to one of these places which was an old class room for several of these kids. Slinging my jute bag over my shoulder, wearing my favourite purple shirt, I confidently walked inside the calssroom with with my bro, my parents and a tremendous love for children. The class was so quiet that i actually was wondering whether they were kids or something else.... We intutively knew they were forced to sit this way since we went to visit them. So my dad kindly asked the teachers to go out of the class room for sometime so that we could spend some solid time with the kids. After the doors were closed there was an eerie silence in the room for the kids were confused about what to do with us in the room.... but after a few minutes the fun started....n Did i just say the word 'confidence'? About 30 two feeters were running helter-skelter.... a girl was wailing loudly in the corner; one boy gave another a slap; and right in the middle, two girls were fighting for a battered soft toy and a few came running to eye us curiously.....

It was actually kind of shocking to see the transition in a few minutes. So i made an attempt to get back those angels that were sitting inside the class by trying to get them sing along with me.... but realised that i was the only one singing - the rest were either screeching or looking at me, hands on their little waists and faces marked with indignant indifference. I even tried dancing, but all the little ones started jumping and running around me; so, I sat down. A little boy called Adit created a great commotion. He kept hitting just about anyone who came anywhere close to him. And like a synchronised orchestra, a loud wail emerged from one corner, then from another and then all together. I wanted to tell each one of them that i loved them. I wanted to calm them and make them feel special, but didnt know how. What to do, what to do? When confused, go back to your basics - this is what i believe. Si i made them all hold each other's hands and do 'ringaaaaaa ringaaaaaaa roses'... I realised that when they were touching each other, they were somwhow much calmer. I knew then that i love them - I would have to show them. At the moment, they didnt need inputs - they just needed someone to hold them close.

I started with Adit. I asked one of the teachers about his violent behaviour n she told me that he had recently lost his mother and was very traumatised. I, who find it painful to see my mother cough, could understand what the little one must be feeling. He was walking towards all of us, ready to pelt somone with a toy car. I caught hold of him, kept away the toy car and just made him sit on my lap; I then placed his head close to my heart. There was a little resistance initially, but when i continued to hold him he put his tiny arms around my neck; ten minutes later, he was fast asleep. Iam finding myself short of words to describe that moment.... It was so beautiful and so profound... One cannot be told; one must experience what it is to hold a sleeping child who trustingly, happily, puts his head to ur heart and frolics in his dream world.

A ruffle of hair here, a nudge of the hand there, a pat on the back and a tickle in the stomach was all that i was doing that day.... after some half an hour all those little ones were hanging around me, fighting to sit on my lap, playing with my hair, touching the little flower on my watch.

I pray with all my heart that all these little angels of blessings should not be abandoned any more and even if they do, they should find a better place to live in......