excited to be alive!!!!!!!!!! :)

As we grow up..

2011-08-30T20:50:00.006+04:00

As we grow up..

we learn that even the one person that wasnt supposed to ever let us down, probably will..

u'll have ur heart broken n ull break others' hearts..

ull fight wid ur best friend or mayb even fall in love wid them, n ull cry coz time is running out..

so, take too many pictures.. laugh too much.. forgive freely.. n love like uve never been hurt..

life comes wid no guarantees, no time outs, no second chances.. u just have to live life to the fullest..

tell someone wat they mean to u.. n tell someone off.. speak out.. dance in the pouring rain.. hold someone's hand.. comfort a friend.. fall asleep watchin the sun come up.. stay up late.. b a flirt.. n smile until ur face hurts! :)

dont b afraid to take chances or fall in love..

n most of all.. live in the moment, coz every second u spend angry or upset is a second of happiness u can never get back!!

Lesson 2873

2011-08-17T13:40:00.002+04:00

For all those who know to get upset over someone should also go through upsetting someone.. u will never want to give that pain to anyone again anytime!

Am-muse-ing!!!

2011-04-12T00:00:00.000+04:00

Y do things happen in life?

Rather y do 'some' things happen in life??

Its kinda safe for us to believe life is run by destiny and not petty accidents! But reality lies far!!!Some things happen and as all human beings rightfully feel at times, we are either happy or sad through it.. And we think it has happend for a reason! Then, that one thing changes to another and life still moves on and we beautifully give it another meaning.. And carry on riding it. That another thing out of no where lose all consequence and changes into something else again. And u r left with a remenent of all those changes. The worst part being, it makes you wonder y those changes happened at all????

But like how a movie needs a set of happenings to form a story and move it forward, ours need a random barage of happenings too to pass our time!!

2011-01-26T20:43:00.005+04:00

Blah - i10 - dewberrys - thursdays - kesari - 'adhle enne perume' - protiens - EFX - knee pain - french fettish - ISKCON - black coffee - cakes - photography - black tshirts - ingee tea - deccan plaza - tequila - accessories - selam - same pinch - movies - fitness - good mornings - HTC - ilayaraja hits - office comedy - shoes - singa pal - scorpion love - flirt - dumb charads - new yr - best location - builders - planner help - score - tai chi - christmas tree - boots - pascucci - phantom - dry fruits - shawshank redemption - Godfather - The bicycle thief - petite - ripped - rajini jokes - too fast - 3 months - linen shirt - puma shoes - gold chain - curly hair - watch scratch - little italy - mash - molaga bajji - ashvita - chennai sangamam - rainy days - beach - simply chocolate - trainee - love at first sight - masala chai - :-) - no signal - sai baba - foreign language - coersive - cricket - lavender - minor kunju - marathon chat - belgium waffle - tennis - fountain head - will power - impulsive - distraction - loyal - cadburys - word breaker - sahodharan - kamal hassan - pox - no bike - 1/10 - madhuri dixit - neele neele ambar par - tamil - iyer - rocky - white n blue striped Tshirt - coffee world - krishna love - frd intro plan - new project - saarangi advertisement - surya namaskaaram - grey hair - aduvantage - red kurta - bovonto - elandha pazham - jimikki - bbq sauce - georgia (gloria jean) - lindt chocolate - naataame - credit card advice - coffee shop ideas - subway - cryptos - likewise - en iniya pon nilaave - tyre puncture companion - line repeating - margo - bro love - laddoo - burning dust heap - 100000 yrs!!!!

No-incident!

2011-01-10T20:49:00.003+04:00

Lesson for the day:

Coincidences should not be expected!

Coincidences will not happen at will!!

Coincidences r not man made!!!

Coincidences cannot be planned!!!

Sarvam Krishnarpanam

2010-09-18T20:31:00.003+04:00

If God is not real, Wat in life is?!

The one memory of Him that i remember from my first ten yrs of life was during one of my birthdays.. My mom gave me a wash n made me wear my new clothes n said, "we r going to meet God!" I cldnt believe God was just the piece of stone that everyone was bowing to.. but i loved the sound of those bells!! In fact, i ran from one end to the other end of the temple.. I jumped up to reach n ring the bell so many times n the old pandit commented wid a smile! "The God sitting in the sky has heard u ma, now stop!!" Hmmm, thought my mind.. God stayed in the sky.. Sky is there all the time n it is everywhere! So He too must b present everywhere all the time!! The syllogism was permanently put in place within my head..

From that day onwards, the adults in my house seemed precoccupied wid life.. but life was all that preoccupied me.. I wondered, sitting alone on my terrace, who made the beautiful sea? n.. n.. who made the waves dance?! also, who made sure the waters shld stop at a particular place.. just a lil beyond our locality, so that we never got drowned!?

Where did night go when day came? If the sun gives our universe light, who gives the sun the light?? Wat glue is used to stick the stars in the sky, n then suddenly, y, oh y, does one of them fall sometimes??? N the simple answer to all this was Him.. Yes.. Who else but Him!!?? He was a superpower to me.. My God was real.. If he wasnt, then who had created everything n who took such great care of everything???

He became a need when i entered adolescence.. I needed him!!! Especially that night when we went for a wedding n an uncle commented, "Archith wont have a problem wid his wedding but u r so dark n ugly. who will marry u?".. Especially when my friends told me i wasnt speaking articulate english then to b friends wid them.. Especially when to b accepted in a group i would need to b all kewl n hip n i had no clues how.. Insecure abt everything, the only thing that kept me going was the security that there was someone called God who loved me as i was. He was real.. If he wasnt, who was He, who told me am amazing just when i needed it the most??

The professional world made Him a necessity too.. While i was working for this MNC when i didnt know head or tail of anything n it was a wild goose chase.. Especially when i had to change my line of profession n all the insecurities that followed wid it.. In this constant change, all that constantly remained unchanged was Him n i felt grt relief in going to Him at the end of the night n asking him to take care of me.. God was real..

The defining moment in my rship wid Him came when mom was lying in the hospital n i was left at home, alone to myself.. pacing up n down, not knowing how to handle my frenzzied thoughts n me.. I wondered.. cldnt i just go to sleep n wake up to find that this was a nightmare? I knew i wldnt b able to live even a moment widout my mom.. she was EVERYTHING to me.. wat wld i do if something happened to her? n then i heard his voice.. I wondered if i was hallucinating when someone whispered in my mind n said.. "I am wid u, now n forever n thats all u need to go on with life."

I felt such security, such peace in those moments that i knew i wld b able to take whatever life handed to me coz.. life was itself wid me! I was prepared for the best.. n the worst!! when i recieved a call from Appa.. Mom had woken up n Appa was all smiles..

God was real.. If he wasnt, then who had gently reminded me of his presence??

Everything that has happened in my life since then - the good, the better n the best, has been the fringe benefits of realising that He is the real force pulsating within my life.. Everything in my life has happened coz He is as real to me as is my name, my face or these words..

When i throw my hands up in frustration, He takes them in His own n tells me its ok!

When i extend my hand towards him, he is quick to tell me he is there for me..

When i hold my hands up in gratitude, he sits right next to me n tells me he loves me!

N in those moments of absolute silence, when i fold my hands in prayer, he hugs me so intimately that i forget where he ends n where i begin!

My God is real!

P.s. Thank u Megha Bajaj for mirroring my thoughts so well, that i had to borrow a lot of ur skeleton, flesh n blood!

wats the point?

2010-08-03T20:45:00.003+04:00

Wats the point of food when theres no hunger

Wats the point of a road when theres no way

Wats the point of light when theres no sight

Wats the point of war when theres no enemy

Wats the point of God when theres no trouble

The road comes free

2010-06-01T18:03:00.006+04:00

I walked the bustling parthasarathi kovil street,
with the blazing sun setting low, orange'ing' everything.
my lunch bag in one hand n books in the other,

Chattering to no end with my best friends.

I walked through the unknown roads in ooty,

fingers clutched together wid cold n fear, hoping to dissolve into nothingness.

cold coz i didnt know ooty wld b so freezing,

fear coz i didnt know ill flunk my 10th math.

I walked almost the entire stretch of R.K.Saalai

oblivious of all the cars n buses n bikes n cycles riding beside me.

smiling at everyone n laughing for the silliest jokes,

holding in my hand, my admission card for college.

I walked through the solitary lanes in kalakshetra,

amidst the beautiful tress n birds n lot of peace.

listening to my rhythmic foot steps time to time

I wished i had someone walking with me n hold my hand.

I walked the long roads in goa,

dancing, singing n shouting with vigor.

Knowing not whether to grasp the beaches n its people,

or just give in to the inner child that lay within me.

I walked the small connecting roads in besant nagar,

trying to express something that i knew was extremely dear.

like how the waves come n go with no promises,

life also moves on with no pit stops.

heyheyhey

I walked round n round around my flats,

trying to blank my head n make time stop.

the breeze cooled the heat in my head,

the rain after just drenched me n my thoughts.

I walked down marine drive,

happy high after a night of partying with bro n friends.

watching the dark waves splashing on the rocks,

just happy that life is good, atleast for this moment.

I walked down the side lanes in guruvaayur,

knowing one invisible person was following me.

i didnt have to turn to find a peacock feathered flutist behind me,

cos i cld hear him calling out inspite of me not seeing him.

I walked the whirling footpaths in theosophical society

with green, green n more green till my eyes could reach.

i knew then that sometime before i said goodbye,

i wld wanna leave behind something like this n more.

Walking through the roads never mattered,

but walking with whom always did.

life, i have noticed, may never remain the same,

so walk.. coz the road comes free.

Wats with 25

2010-05-24T20:23:00.010+04:00

1. Is a prefect square

2. Is the atomic number of manganese

3. Represents the universal word of God, according to Abellio

4. The number of years of marriage marked in a silver wedding anniversary

5. The number of cents in a quarter

6. Is a song by Verusa Salt

7. The minimum pass mark in school

8. The number of points required to win a set in volley ball under rally scoring rules

9. The number of french department doubs

10. Is a centered octogonal number

11. Is an automorphic number

12. The number of days taken for the Sun to do a complete rotation on itself

13. Has an aliquot sum of 6

14. Is the first number to have an aliquot sequence that does not culminate in 0 through a prime

15. Is of cardinal importance in Ezekiel's temple vision

16. Is the dial code of Nanjing, China

17. 25-Hydroxy vitamin D test is the most accurate way to measure how much vitamin D is in ur body

18. The minimum age of candidates in for election to the united states of representatives

19. The usual TCP port of SMTP

20. The per second frame rate of the PAL video standard

21. The designation of the M25 london orbital motorway

22. The name of the national board game of Ireland and India (Panchisi - in India)

23. Is the number of precepts of Mahavirain jainism

24. Is the minimum marriageable age for Men

25. My age as of today

To rot or not to rot

2010-04-18T23:45:00.002+04:00

Have u heard of the butterfly effect in chaos theory? if the conditions played right, a lone butterfly cld cause a destructive tornado?

If u have.. good for u.. read further..

If u havent.. good for me.. read further (but do google about it later) to get a different dimension of the same concept..

Part 1

Somehow, earth being the only planet with life is just too over whelming.. (to an extent it may not b true as well.. science keeps re-inventing n re-correcting itself all the time.. I wont b surprised if i hear later that moon had life all along!)

But keeping current facts and conditions in mind, one can say that life on earth began from water.. N the reason y scientists say earth is the only place to have life is coz this is the only place, atleast in the solar system, that can make 2 atoms of hydrogen n 1 atom of oxygen to 1 molecule of water.. the universal solvent.. the elixir for life on earth..

N mind u, its not so simple for 2 atoms of hydrogen n 1 atom of oxygen to readily fuse n make water.. our planet is also strategically placed from the sun, which can make these molecules just right..

Also, heat n water automatically changes the character of things.. The water formed out of heat, i.e, the moisture content reacts with watever it is present in n makes fresh life in it, changing the character of the object.. this is the reason y things get decomposed.. n u can even direct it to a change that u desire.. like fermenting milk to curd under the right heat..

All of the above is information we all grew up with..

Part 2

Wat r we, humans?

As much as it may disappoint a few, Humans rnt God..

I think the concept of God is just pure energy.. So 'God' passes through all of us.. we connect to God at different levels.. Since one connects more than another doesnt mean they r God n the others rnt.. Calling anyone specifically God, is like calling an Air Conditioner which consumes more power, the full source of electricity, compared to a ceiling fan.. N frankly, a ceiling fan n electricity left to themselves, may really b of no use either..

Ok, sorry to have gone so much off track.. getting back to business.. humans separately rnt God..

Humans have decided they rnt animals as well inspite of biologically being one.. n thats only cos we can think.. we did bring in some fresh air to life in jungle by inventing the wheel n a language to communicate with for starters.. (N thats y the more u get to know people, the more u like animals!!!)

But i think, the one characteristic that really differentiates humans and animals is, animals adapt themselves to their surroundings.. humans adapt or change their surroundings to live in it.. this characteristic has made humans spread across the planet and multiple n build their clan.. they r even looking for options in near by planets.. expansion at its best!

Surprisingly, this is the exact characteristic that a viral being employs.. it brings in a major change to where it lives and in the process expands itself further and makes the change more dominant..

Part 3

If moisture is wat makes life, then planet earth is probably one of the many minutest of things in the universe bringing in a change to the bigger scheme of things.. N the universe is probably one of the many atoms of something.. N there mayb many many other such atoms developing such a change.. that 'something' mayb as simple as bread or as complicated as someother living being..

And.. And i think, the reason for this change, though not fully but a very small portion of it, is to be dedicated to the self glorified viral beings of planet earth.. The Human beings!

So next time, if u were ever to ask urself y u are put here on earth or even feel useless.. just remember..

U r one of the smallest of viral beings, bringing in ur share of change to the bigger scheme of things..

life lessons

2010-02-13T13:12:00.005+04:00

I learnt 2 very important lessons yesterday,

1. When u have a baby at home, the temptation to be his favourite by spoiling him once in a while overrides disciplining him! dont hate babies n their parents so easily.

2. You can grow old right in front of your eyes. Never take ur health for granted.

Happy republic Day

2010-01-26T18:13:00.004+04:00

Am a patriot.. Am SO FREAKIN PROUD to be an Indian woman.. Am proud my grandfather was a freedom fighter and he fought so hard to free this nation.. he had his own press to publicise wat he believed in.. he was put in jail at one point in time and lost his 5 yr old daughter in the process.. he has withstood the lathi charges of firangs and even some Indians who worked for the britishes (i dont blame them though.. food for one's family becomes more important than freedom sometimes)!! he fought more so to free India from the ill-treatment, than the britishes themselves.. If thats the case, I would say we still havent managed to achieve complete freedom cos we are still fighting ill-treatment from our own people..

Many responsibilities are conveniently forgotten for that extra bit of personal gratification either in terms of money, power or ego! Some politicians, like diapers, have to b changed often and worse.. mostly for the same reason!

Wat went wrong in the attitude of our people durin the last 63 years of freedom?
Wat makes them take our freedom for granted when so many of our own blood have shed theirs for our well being?
Wat rights do a few individuals have, to decide whether to share a natural resource with a neighbouring state!?
Wat rights do individuals have to divide the nation in the name of birth right n community?
Wat r the rights, as Indian citizens, have we decided to exercise than complain wat we dont have?
How many of us even respect the national anthem enough to stand up n salute while its being played?
Wat makes some so not proud of the nation that has given them a life and an identity!

It is but human tendency to pursue peace and unite when there is a problem bigger than life! But let us not wait for something bigger than 26/11 happen to unite us whole heartedly!

Freedom is not worth having if it does not include the freedom to make mistakes.. so let us learn and overcome the mistakes we've been making individually, as a group, as a community n finally as a nation!

No nation is perfect.. It needs to b MADE perfect.. As Indians, let us face that responsibility.. let our children be proud of us for the future we create for them in this nation..

To My love, My life, My history, My present, My future, My all, My nation.. My India

- JAI HIND!

Can i ask for more?

2010-01-09T01:22:00.009+04:00

Am just back from a live concert by Padmashree Begum Parveen Sultana..

Have you ever felt the surge of adnernaline when a far fetched dream becomes reality, enfolding so beautifully right in front of ur eyes? Ever dreamt of getting a flesh and blood darshan of your deity?

My deity was Begum Parveen Sultana and I did get the darshan!!!!

To describe her in a nutshell, when she sings she transcends herself from noun to verb.. Parveen ji is Music herself.. the only vocalist to reach 4 octaves, her bewitching voice modulations and thaans at an unimaginable speed, she has been unbeatable in her empire for the past 50 and odd years..

Ever since my dad introduced me to one of her recordings when i was a teenager, she and her singing has been a distant dream to me.. her renditions so divine and surreal, there have been times ive just day dreamt about how her audience wldve probably reacted during a particular recording..

At her age of 70+, it was the most amazing performances ive ever heard.. her music made me feel so light and pure.. i was just floating.. with her powerful but smooth as butter voice n her PERFECT SA engulfing the entire auditorium, she never gave me one opportunity to touch base.. I learnt today that it is possible indeed to be drugged by music..

With a constant smile on her beautiful face, everything about her on stage was gracious and divine.. she was grounded enough to call her audience as her God and she was just a Pujari, offering her prashad to them.. heights of humility!!!!!

The minute she started with raag Purya Dhanasri with small quips earlier, it is but impossible to sit through the aalaap without a tear rolling down one's cheeks while hearing her efforlessly glide through the notes from athi mantra sthayi(lowest octave), madhya sthayi(middle octave) n finally reaching to a cresendo of tara sthayi (highest octave).. her voice modulations can give instant moksha.. the experience was more spiritual than musical..

As she ended the concert with raag bhirav, the audience gave her a 5 minutes standing ovation and applause.. not enough compared to what she gave us during the 2 hrs concert..

I am blessed to have witnessed her live concert

I am blessed to have been seated right in front of her n hear her sing while she was directly looking at me

I am blessed to have been even considered to play the tambura for her during the show

I am blessed to have been hugged by her

I was blessed by none other than my Goddess of music herself..

Can i ask for more?

To have succeeded

2009-11-08T11:38:00.003+04:00

To laugh often & love much;

To win the respect of intelligent people

And the affection of children;

To earn the approbation of honest critics

And endure the betrayal of false friends;

To appreciate beauty;

To find the best in others;

To give one's self;

To leave the world a little better,

Whether by a healthy child,

A garden patch,

Or a redeemed social condition;

To have played and laughed with enthusiasm

And sung with exultation;

To know even one life has breathed easier

Because one has lived...

This is to have succeeded!

Manadhil Urudhi Vaendum

2009-09-30T13:24:00.004+04:00

மனதில் உறுதி வேண்டும்
வாக்கினிலே இனிமை வேண்டும்
நினைவு நல்லது வேண்டும்
நெருங்கினப் பொருள் கை பட வேண்டும்

கணவு மெய் பட வேண்டும்
கை வசமாவது விரைவில் வேண்டும்
தனமும் இன்பமும் வேண்டும்
தரணியிலே பெருமை வேண்டும்

கண் திறந்திடல் வேண்டும்
காரியத்தில் உறுதி வேண்டும்
பெண் விடுதலை வேண்டும்
பெரியக் கடவுள் காக்க வேண்டும்

மண் பயனுற வேண்டும்
வானகம் இங்கு தென் பட வேண்டும்
உண்மை நின்றிட வேண்டும்
ஓம்! ஓம்! ஓம்!

Tomorrow never comes

2009-09-11T17:40:00.005+04:00

I came across this ancient jaina story that made an extra grey cell move in my head...

A prince had gone to listen to Mahavira with his wife.. when they came home, as was the tradition in ancient India n particularly in the luxurious homes, the husband was bathing n the wife was pouring rose water over him... they started talking about wat they had heard the Mahavira say...

The wife said, "My brother has been thinking of becoming a sannyasin of mahavira!"

Her husband asked, "How long has he been giving this a thought?"

She replied saying, "How long? I think it must be atleast 5 yrs now."

Then the husband laughed n said, "He will be thinking his whole life.. This is not the way to become a sannyasin!" The wife felt hurt as something was said against her brother..

She said, "Do u think u can do better?!"

He was sitting naked n taking a shower... He did not answer, he got up, opened the door n walked out... The wife said, "Where r u going naked???"

He said, "Mahavira's sannyasins live naked.. Iam going to my master to b initiated.."

She said, "R u kidding?"

The man said, "Forget all that! IF I WANT TO DO SOMETHING, I DO IT.. I dont go on thinking for 5 yrs!"

She said, "Forgive me that i asked you wat u wld do in his place!"

He said, "Now it is too late!" n he went on to become a sannyasin n never looked back..

I guess those who really decide to live drop all fears, all thinking, all security n all safety! they end up risking everything because life is so precious n so fleeting... so momentary that one just cannot go on postponing... Thinking is a way of postponing... feeling is a way of postponing... even desiring is a way of postponing sometimes... life enfolds much better when there is a streak of spontenity to it... This does not mean am propaganding skinny dipping on a shallow bed of rocks jus because someone challenges u to...

But i have learnt to believe that nothing is ever right or wrong except for that single light in each of us called the 'instinct'... once the instinct strikes then there is no looking back... the risk in opening ones' wings seems much lesser compared to the risk of never opening it...

2009-08-21T12:25:00.000+04:00

If heaven hasnt got an internet connection, i aint going!!!!!

Careless n Aimless n lazy n... :)

2009-07-27T18:59:00.000+04:00

Writing could be such a pleasure :) and a blog space is such a joy... getting reallllllly fond of blogging lately i must confess... though there are enough things happening in my life right now to keep me busy forever, there is a relief to just sit and blog aimlessely for a while and get back on track...

I do wanna write somethin interesting right now but feelin too nice and comfy to brain storm... Here i am, leaning on 4 to 5 nice cushiony soft pillows on ma bed... the tubelight in ma room has conked off, so its just a small dim bulb thats lighting the room... ive opened the window and my balcony door strategically right for a splendid cross ventilation... niceeeee breeze n its blisssssssss in this chennai heat :)... there is 'yen anbe' n 'indian rain' playing on a loop in my ipod... there is a box of leftover chocolate truffle cake lying beside me... finally, my long time writting deadline is close to getting over! yipee yey yey!!!! (time for victory dance :D)... i can also hear the busy, monday evening, chennai traffic buzzing with fervour and a few hyper active, post school pressure kutties, shrieking away to glory downstairs... cant seem to stop smiling though :)

Happiness is a state of mind and is all the more wonderful when its not instigated by a specific reason i guess... It stays longer n goes deeper... I can even feel myself glowing (Self involved! thats me! :P) hmmm... :)

N Aalinth just came into the room n gave me one of his toothless, priceless smiles :) he even laughed today when i screeched 'Poda Bokkae' in my highest decibel possible!!!! Am just feeling a bit disturbed abt loosing that bokke smile in a while when he starts growing teeth.. but cant help it i guess.. part of life... its not gonna look nice when he grows big n still gives a full gummy smile to women... :P

N Last night there were heavy rains here but no power... it is splendid when u know u cant do much even if u wanted to! thats the best part abt a power cut in the evenings... :) it was super nice to jus strum my guitar n sing along something aimlessly... the chords kept changing n perfection gone with the wind... niceeeeeeee :)

Wish it rains today as well...

Hmmm... If it does, may u have a careless aimless evening urself :) tata bubye..

Dearest Michael

2009-06-27T13:03:00.006+04:00

Finally! FINALLY... Finally u decided to find ur own peace that mere mortals like us couldnt let u live with... A life that blossomed to its fullest through ur death!

We.. or even I didnt bother about ur life or otherwise a few weeks back... But here I am right now, mourning over ur death for the past one week... words just doesnt seem to put through the heaviness i feel inside n am quite astonished myself to accept it here on a public forum... How much u have affected a complete, not-so-die-hard-a-fan stranger!?? My every morning n every night is filled with nostalgia... the times i subconsciously decided u were just immortal... But U did look the part didnt u!?

So much to talk about, so much to read about, so much to learn about, so much.... just so much is rushing to my mind all at the same time... have a feeling as long as i dont express it in words, that atleast, would truely remain immortal... Will finish this post with one quote that applies to u...

"When you were born, u cried while the world rejoiced.

Live ur life in such a way that when u die, the world cries while u rejoice"

U were one person i know who lived such a life... inspite of all those screw ups n hiccups n all sorts of non sense, u still remain in our hearts for ur incomparable genius...

But, u can never ever die...

Proud to have lived during ur era Michael...

Love u!!!!!!

Bathroom Time Killers

2009-06-20T20:26:00.004+04:00

The inventor of western closet was a GENIUS!!!!!! wat comfort... wat bliss... Privacy at its best! One place where no one can enter or anyone could disturb... the outside world is completely shut... past and future completely forgotten... wat remains is the blissful present!!! Awwww.. n wat bliss!!!

But i do come across those times when the morning paper was already read during the morning session... there is no other interesting book to keep me occupied... mobile is on charge so cant take it inside! PANIC...

So once when all the serene tranquility was surrounding me in the bathroom, i heard myself think... When such are the impediments to take away all the fun from life, how do we rise above them!? The answer was, bathrooms were not only meant for long reads, never ending conversations n goosebumpin enlightenment but can also be a stadium for many You vs You tournaments!!!! :D read on if u wanna know more...

Disclaimer: Urgency will definitely not work well... Edhuvaa irundhaalum ppppplan pannnni pannanum!!!!

Trash Can Frisbee

Wat u need: A wastepaper basket n some paper plates... if the waste paper basket aint big enough to hold the paper plates, use a cardboard box or a paper shoppin bag... place the basket on the bathroom floor as far from the toilet as u can...

How to play: Fling the paper plates like frisbees... see if u can throw them into a wastepaper basket... for a bigger challenge, try to boomerang them off a wall into the basket!

Bathroom Darts

Wat u need: A tin, a saucer, a small glass n small objects to throw ( coins or cups from discarded toothpaste tubes work well! )

How to play: Put the glass in the centre of the saucer, n put the saucer in the centre of the tin... set them all down on the bathroom floor a few feet from the toilet... thats ur "dart board"! :P
Toss the coins ("Darts") at ur target... if they land in the glass, u get 10 points... if they land in the saucer, u get 5... if they land in the tin, u get 1... if u score too well, move the target farther away to make it more challenging... U also get to perk up ur memory n math in the process by calculatin ur scores :D

Bathroom Blow Gun

Wat u need: A soda straw, some wooden matches n a hat or somethin hollow!

How to play: Turn the hat or upside down n place it on the bathroom floor a good distance away from the toilet... put a match in the straw, hold the straw up to ur mouth, n blow... try to shoot all the matches into the hat!

Fun With a Funnel

Wat u need: A rubber ball n a funnel... the funnel needs to big enough to hold the ball...

How to play: Hold the pointy end of the funnel... bounce the ball off the wall opposite the closet n try to catch it in the funnel on the rebound...

Bathroom Bouncy Ball

Wat u need: An egg carton or an empty ice tray n some ping pong balls...

How to play: Write different point values in each of the 12 cups of the egg carton or the ice tray... then place it on the bathroom floor a few feet from the toilet...
Try to bounce the ping pong balls into the carton or tray... start with one bounce, then, as ur skills improve, move the carton farther away n bounce the balls twice before they go into the cups... add up the values of ur score...

Bathroom Broken Neck Preventer

Wat u need: All the stuff u just spread out all over the bathroom floor to play all these games i just taught u...

How to play: pick up all the stuff off the bathroom floor, before somebody gets killed!!!!

24 reasons how turning 24 was fun!

2009-05-26T12:39:00.007+04:00

This may b the result of reading too many cosmos n vogues... U get to learn a hell a lot of awesome useless stuff and also learn to number things to make em more alluring n important... ditto that strategy to this post... :) so here we go,

1. I turned 24 on a 24th.. :D

2. Cutting 4 chocolate truffle cakessssssssssssssss and hogging on them in a span of 1 day was definite fun!!!! :D

3. Unlike any other bday, or even any bday surprise, my friends tried surprising me twice... one on the eve of my bday (as a back-up plan apparently) n one on my bday... :) *thanks to my luvs divs, achu, vish, krish, arch n pre!!!*

4. Orkut helped a whole lot of people remember my bday on time... my phone was busy till 1.35 in the night.. call hoppin so long did annoy my parents but was awesome fun indeed :P *thanks to all my nocturnal luvs and the ones who stayed awake or set an alarm to wish me then crashed to sleep*

5. Cutting my bday eve cake in the beach... near the waves... under the soft moon light... with my best budds... was just awesome!!! :) i have to admit, but the cake was soooooooo splendid... it was sooo soft, soooooooooooooooooo soft, with yum chocolate fresh cream all over... ashwin got it from this place called padmashri foods (name may sound sidey) near the NDTV office, chennai.

6. Amma n pre smuggled in a french loaf choc truffle :D... the rest is guessable aint it? for the ones who cant guess afterall, i cut it at 12 n promptly binged again :D

7. One call that surprised me was a call from spore at 12 in the night... it wldve been 2.30 there... thanks charan for stayin awake so long...

8. Myself n pre decided my 24th yr shld b 'absolut'e in all ways.. so we thought the liquid way of driving in that point shld b a good start :P

9. Girish called up in the morning and spoke to me for quite sometime... Poor thing had slept only at 2 the previous night coz of some crap he didnt deserve... But it didnt strike him once that it was my bday that day... was supeerrrrrrrrrr fun to remind him :P

10. Myths turned up home in the morn to wish me... was worried whether i may miss seeing her but there she was :)

11. Myself n amma had this convo...
"Amma: Janani, Archith asked me to prepare something for 10 people who were coming home in the morning... are they still coming?
Me: Who 10 people?? *evil grin on my face*
Amma: Oh.. didnt u know about it?? *realizes whether she let out something, grins wide* :P

12. Meghs turning up in the morn was a sure fire surprise... i wasnt expecting that... realllllly sweet of u meghs... to have found my address from arch and come all the way with ur cute wall hanging and a hand written letter as my gift:)

13. N i did love ur msg later... :D i can never ever forget it!!!!!!

14. Btw, i was supposed to be going judging to an eng collegethat afternoon! :P

15. Thats preisely how Arch, pre n minnu smuggled me to ponneri... n it wasnt simple either... i asked them so many questions on our way that they may thought of leaving me in the middle of nowhere n running to peace :P

16. They finally smuggled me to this place called 'The Wild Ranch' in ponneri... a place dedicated for adventure sports... bungee jumping, dare devil, paint ball, some avalanche drive n sundry...

17. I found divs, vish, krish, gurpreet, rony n ashwin in the entrance waiting... :D

18. I walked in to find a life size FLEXXXXXXXX in the entrance saying 'Happy birthday to the queen of Apes'!!!!!!!!!!!! :P Ashwin had designed the whole thing n it was lookin sooooooo splendid... i just wish it had more photos of our gang than me... but felt ever so important :D Thanks achaggi!

19. Was all the more fun to find vijay, vids, suresh n san waiting inside... :)

20. After enough waiting and changing, we went for 'dare devil'... I learnt that size DID matter for agility... we were all timed and archith bribed the timer guy n announced he finished in 2 minutes n 59 secs.. :P LOL... where as it took most of us a minimum of 4 minutes.. :P

21. We went for paint ball next... it was fun to b thinkin, 'to run, or not to run!?'.. then 'to shoot, or not to shoot!?'... :P But i did run, i did shoot n got shot :D... bday-girl-gettin-shot pamperin was good indeed :P

22. Phone had promptly conked up when i reached the waiting area to check for calls... so i ended up gettin a new phone as well for ma bday :D

23. Finally, ashwin had arranged for a cake cutting ceremony on the terrace area... it was sooooooooooooooooo beautiful... it was twilight n sooooo beautifully lit with lights... chairs were neatly set and i was made to cut the cake :) thanks soooooooooo much achu... n there was a guy playing us songs with his guitar... was really really really nice...

24. Finally, vhea wanted to b the last caller as she wasnt the first n wished me :)... i later ended up torturing prashanth by calling him thrice to find out who the number belonged to (as i didnt have the contacts in my new phone n had repeated missed calls in my msg list!)... n that was one day he really really wanted to sleep early... :P he literally begged me to stop calling him... :P :P sorry prashanth boy!!!!

So, ending this post on a typical formal note, thanks so much to all u guys again... life is beautiful coz u guys r around... :)

I salute!

2009-04-14T20:04:00.006+04:00

He was born with multiple defects - club footed, both hands with webbed fingers, crippling pterygium, cleft lip n palate... by the age of 4 he had already undergone 15 surgeries!! he was confined to a wheel chair n all efforts to grow the bones in his legs went in vain...

At the age of 5 he was so frustrated that he told the doctor to cut off his legs so that he could go out n play with the other kids... the doctors did find that to be the solution n amputated his legs n replaced them with artificial limbs... as suggested by the doctors, he was taken to a therapeutic pool to swim n that marked the beginning of a new life for him... he just wouldnt come out of the pool n grew in swimming with prosthetic legs! n everytime he came out of the pool, he made it a point to set a record!

He actually wanted to run even before he could walk.. when he was 8, he said he would swim in the paralympics games... he not only lived up to it, but also surpassed it by winning the gold medal n setting a record for his category...

When he was 15, he had set 5 american swimming records, 4 national running records, completed 6 triathlons n carried an olympic torch! last yr, when he was 20, he won the gold medal at the paralympics at beijing, setting a new world record..

Rudy Garcia Tolson today swims, runs n participates in triathlons as a competitor at the highest level n sometimes he has even outperformed some of the able-bodied athletes. Rudy is also a motivational speaker n inspires many by his story! he also generates funds to support other challenged athletes n help them build a career with dignity...

With such grit, determination, zest n nerves of steel, he has achieved not only for himself but for everyone around him... I salute!

Who will cry when i die?

2009-03-30T10:28:00.001+04:00

"When you were born, u cried while the world rejoiced. Live ur life in such a way that when u die, the world cries while u rejoice"

Last night was one of those nights i slept deeeeeeep... I remember coming across that person in bessi beach... i remember feeling lost n being angry initially n later giving a bear hug n patching up things between us... I remember that was the point in ma dream, when i drifted off to sleep... Whenever am a bit disturbed, my subconscious always tricks my logic mind into making things look rosy n making me sleep... later during the night ill have loads of reflective dreams that i wld end up pondering about the next day morning...

But last night, i absolutely didnt remember anything after that initial trick... I dont even remember sleeping... it was as if i dreamt but decided not to sleep anymore n woke up immediately... I opened just one eye slowly to search for my mobile to check the time... it was around 1 noon... quite late for my standards but not too bad! N I heard lots of voices...

I knew it was quite late for all that noise to be heard outside... Arch n pre shldve already left for office n appa for his shoot... it shld b only amma n alinth n kala... but looked like a whole lot of people had decided to visit our place that particular morning... n i didnt remember amma mentioning any get together in the morning n even if it was so, she shldve definitely woken me up... I did get worried when I heard the urgency in the voices as i got nearer to the door...

I stood in the doorway for a while n was shocked to see quite a number of people... looked like my house was filled with a whole lot of worried people around... n i did expect some kind of an acknowledgement from paachaa uncle who was near my room.. a 'good morning' or an urgent update about all that was happening... but he bloody didnt even madhichufy me... a bit hurt n angry i walked down the hall quite groggy, combing my unruly hair with my fingers as much as possible to look a bit dignified n not a joker... I entered the hall n AGAIN no one bothered...

i definitely had to find amma n hear wats happening so urgent that no one even bothered to look at me...

I finally found her in the master bedroom n GOSH! she was crying... crying quite hard... i really got worried then... i ran near her n tried hugging her but to my surprise i cldnt feel anything n looked like neither did she... *thats more worrying indeed*... i tried again n bloody there was no action or reaction from both our sides there... murphy's law did make sense! if somethings bad, it cld n wld definitely get worse!!!!!

I walked out of the room, bugged than ever n noticed something finally that shook me... someone who was an exact replica of me was lying there near the balcony... covered with a white cloth!!!! My frantic brain did some quick math n boiled down the situation to 2 options... someone either decided to clone me n also killed her in the process which these poor ppl thought was me... which was unlikely... cloning is illegal n am not THAT famous yet!!!...

Or i was dead.

a loud *beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep* in my ears!

SHUCKSSSSSSSS!!!! wat the hell did happen last night!? i havent even gone for that katemeron ride ive been dyin to go for n bloody looks like i already am DEAD!!!! i also wanted to tell amma sorry for screamin at her yesterday... i wanted aalinth to smile at me atleast once dammit... i wanted to do soooooo many things! looks like even an extra day wont b enough n ive always thought ill b kinda prepared before i died... like a notice period... looks like finally somethin did manage to surprise me instead of me forever guessing all my surprises...

The whole ceremony part flew away in a rush n it was funny to watch all that happening to me... after the cremation all of us came home, though my ppl dint realize ive been there all along... the atmosphere after reaching home wasnt too gr8 either... I did feel a bit guilty n damn sad that ppl who were so close to me were sad... i wasnt sure whether i wanted them to cry... but laugh?? or just b normal afterall?! i was a bit confused...

Suddenly I heard a familiar voice saying something loud... i turned around to find one of my favorite uncles calling my family, close friends, ppl who gave me work n ppl who worked under me who were assembled there to say a few words about who i was as a person n how ive affected their lives... something reflective!

I was waiting eagerly to listen to all of em... since it was gonna be the final speech, i did expect quite a lot of things to b said... but wait!!!!! was i even deserving to come up to my own expectations when i walked on planet earth? everything that i want these ppl to say... have i ever lived upto to my own expectations right now to make them say all that in their final personal testimony to me!?... this was gonna b the result of the so called examination ive written in my life from day 1...

i was waiting...

blank!!!!

It was dark... i was lying on my bed... i was wide awake n it took me a minute to realize that it was all just a dream...

I actually felt quite cheated... how would it b if there is a power shut down right before u reach the climax scene of an awesome grippin movie!?

While i was re running this dream in my head, i did realize something... it was kinda eerily similar to that Christmas story where this miser guy will b visited by the spirits of present, past n the future in his dream n how that changes his life forever!

Mine was kinda similar (though am no miser n Christmas is a long way to go!)

I know i would have to die someday n there is no escape wat so ever... i know i would definitely reach that point in my life... or do we say 'after' life!?... when ill get to know wat kind of a person ive been... though am not sure whether id b comprehending the situation like how i did in my dream, i know i would definitely be around somewhere that time...

I just wanna start working towards wat i would want all of them to talk that day... my family i had made my life with... my friends i had shared my life with... wat i was like to the person i worked for... wat i was to that person who worked for me... wat all i would expect them to say n share... was i kind? was i fair? was i fun to b around? was i efficient? was i dependable? have i ever been there when they really wanted me to b? even if i was, did i make a difference? how did i touch their lives?! or did i???

All those questions were like kinda building a future that i dont have a hold on right now, but workable indeed with my present...

Frankly, it doesnt even thrill me when i think who'll 'cry' when i die! i just wanna ensure 'wat' made those ppl cry... did i manage to leave a legacy behind for all that oxygen i inhaled, for all that space i occupied n more importantly... for all that time i spent here with ppl n profession...
just my presence that could b felt even after my death...

I dont want ppl cryin when i die, a knowing smile when my thought crosses would speak volumes!

2009-03-23T19:28:00.001+04:00

Kaiyai chudum yendraalum
theeyai thodum pillai pol
unaiiye meendum ninaikkiren

கண்ணன் - என் காதலன்

2009-02-26T20:27:00.005+04:00

கானகத்தே சுற்று நாளிலும் நெஞ்சிற்

கலக்கம் இல்லாது செய்வான் - பெரும்

சேனை தலைநின்று போர்செய்யும் போதினில்

தேர் நடத்திக் கொடுப்பான் - எந்தன்

ஊனை வருந்திடு நோய் வரும் போதினில்

உற்ற மருந்து சொல்வான் - நெஞ்சம்

ஈனக் கவலைகளை எய்திடும் போதினில்

இதன்சொல்லி மாற்றிடுவான்

பிழைக்கும் வழி சொல்ல வேண்டும் என்றால்

ஒரு பேச்சினிலே சொல்லிடுவான் :)

உழைக்கும் வழிவினை யாளும் வழிப்பயன்

உண்ணும் வழி உரைப்பான்

அழைக்கும் பொழுதினிற் போக்கு சொல்லாமல்

அறை நொடிக்குல் வருவான் :)

மழைக்கு குடை. பசி நேரத்து உணவேன்ற்ரன்

வாழ்வினுக் கேன்கள் கண்ணன்

கேட்ட பொழுதினில் பொருள் கொடுப்பான்; சொல்லும்

கேலி போருத்திடுவான் - எனை

ஆட்டங்கள் காட்டியும் பாட்டுக்கள் பாடியும்

ஆறுதல் செய்திடுவான் - என்றன்

நாட்டத்திரக் கொண்ட குறிப்பினை இதோ என்று

நான் சொல்லும் முன் உணர்வான் - அன்பர்

கூட்டத்திலே இந்தக் கண்ணனை போல் அன்பு

கொண்டவர் வேறுளரோ?

உள்ளத்திலே கருவம் கொண்ட போதினில்

ஓங்கி அடித்திடுவான் - நெஞ்சில்,

கள்ளத்தை கொண்டு ஒரு வார்த்தை சொன்னால் அங்கு

காரி உமிழிந்திடுவான் - சிறு

பள்ளத்திலே நெடு நாள் அழுகுங் கெட்ட

பாசியை ஏற்றி விடும் - பெரும்

வெள்ளத்தைப் போல் அருள் வார்த்தைகள் சொல்லி

மெலிவு தவிர்த்திடுவான்

சின்னக் குழந்தைகள் போல் விளையாடிச்

சிரித்துக் களிதிடுவான் - நல்ல

வண்ண மகளீர் வசப்படவே பல

மாயங்கள் சூழ்ந்திடுவான் - அவன்

சொன்ன படி நடவாவிடிலோ மிகத்

தொல்லை இழைதிடுவான் - கண்ணன்

தன்னை இழந்து விடல், ஐயகோ! பின்

ஜகத்தினில் வாழ்வதிலேன்?

கோபத்திலே ஒரு சொல்லிற் சிரித்துக்

குலுங்கிடச் செய்திடுவான் - மனச்தாபத்திலே

ஒன்று செய்து மகிழ்ச்சி

தழைத்திடச் செய்திடுவான் - பெரும்

ஆபத்தினில் வந்து பக்கத்திலே நின்று

அதனை விலக்கிடுவான் - சுடர்

தீபத்திலே விழும் பூச்சிகள் போல் வரும்

தீமைகள் கொன்றிடுவான்

உண்மை தவறி நடப்பவர் தம்மை

உதைத்து நசுக்கிடுவான் - அருள்

வன்மையினால் மாத்திரம் அவன் பொய்கள்

மலை மலையாய் உரைப்பான்; நல்ல

பெண்மை குணமுடையவன் ; - சிலே நேரத்தில்

பித்தர் குணமுடயவன் ; - மிகத்

தன்மை குணமுடயவன் ; - சில நேரம்

தழலின் குணமுடயவன்.

கொள்ளுங் கொலைக்கு அஞ்சிடாத மறவர்

குணமிகத் தானுடை யான் ; - கண்ணன்

சொல்லும் மொழிகள் குழந்தைகள் போல்

ஒரு சூதரியாது சொல்வான் - என்றும்

நல்லவருக்கு ஒரு தீங்கு நண்ணாது

நயமுறக் காத்திடுவான்

2009-01-11T21:39:00.005+04:00

It is universal gyan to have a purpose in life... our parents, teachers, elders, uncles, aunts n their 'onnu vitte' in laws always have somethin to tell us... 'one should have a purpose in life', 'we r born for a purpose', 'a life without purpose is not worth to be lived' , n all shit...

we need to have a 'reason' for everything... a reason to read, a reason to write, a reason to talk, a reason to go somewhere, a reason to shout, a reason to gift (we shld never gift someone more than wat they dared gift us), a reason to love n alas! even a reason to live... all sorts of reasons.. there should always be an underlying reason lurking around somewhere to cling on to...

man goes mad with reasoning... he wants logic. he wants reasons. he wants purpose. n thats precisely the reason so many go mad!

the most powerful things on earth r the ones that doesnt have a physical form... gravity, magnitude, inertia, momentum n even love... man has just identified them n havent yet been able to explain it completely...

so they aint exactly logical… they go beyond it! they cannot b reasoned with... n in the macro sense of it one really cannot explain y they even came into existence… u just have to ACCEPT it!!!!

so when i asked myself once, wat was MY purpose in life, i was quite convinced when i heard the answer.. 'to LIVE'... to just accept myself completely without any inhibition… inspight of all the mistakes that I make n everything gr8 that I do, its comforting to accept all of them n neither feel guilty nor take things to my head!

Just do things that u wanna do... neither for the money, nor for the fame but for the most important person in ur life… for URSELF! (a note for the psychos: if u ask me whether u can start killing ppl since that’s REALLY wat u wanna do, my suggestion to u: start practicing on urself… makes things simpler!!!!)

I don’t even believe in ppl who say ‘u ALWAYS have to b happy’…

Hello! happiness is completely a state of mind n so is sadness… u r happy when things go right … so, as long as u don’t get depressed in the long run, its only natural to feel sad when things don’t go right!?

I find it easier to accept myself… I love it when I have a laugh n have a gr8 time… but frankly, am completely ok to b ‘sogam’ ridden n cry my eyes out n not bottle neck when am sad… my logic is, I can realize the value of my happiness only when ive seen a bit of bad times…

Its awesome living life this way :)… no rules & regulations but just guidelines… no expectations to fulfill but my own… finally, no regrets n no mistakes...

A life to live... n ONLY live!!!

2009-01-02T13:38:00.002+04:00

Well.. may all ur troubles last as long as ur new year resolutions!

n may i marry jhonny depp as per my plan!!

HAPPY NEW YR TO ALL!!! :D

A right to live - 1

2008-11-29T13:03:00.004+04:00

Bombay's Nightmare... India's Shame!

From all the news, its obvious that the terrorists achieved wat they wanted to do... wat they love doing... terrorize humanity... terrorize the whole 'country'... though their plan actually failed in blowing up The Taj Mahal Hotel! thank God!!

People who went out to have a good time no more have the courage to venture outside ... people near the nariman house think twice about staying home... You can plot an escape plan in a war... but how could u plan an escape from an accident? how could u plan to not b "A lost innocent life"?

The society that was pain stakingly built for the past 1000s of yrs is being shattered right in front of our eyes... a wrongly built society around the world... note: nothing wrong with the culture, but lots with the society... ofcourse, Iam society to the rest of the soceity right?! but how could u try curing fever when there is a deeper problem prevalent in the body?!

The problem is much deeper than any of us may want to expect...

our society is falling apart!

Its old order, discipline, morality, religion, everything has been found to b wrongly based… it has just lost its power over people’s conscience… terrorism simply symbolizes that to destroy human beings doesn’t really matter… that there is nothing in human beings that is indestructible… that its all just matter!

The nations r irrelevant now bcoz of all the nuclear weapons… if the whole world can b destroyed within minutes, the alternative can only b that the whole world shld b together… now it cannot remain divided; its division is dangerous coz division can become war any moment!

Only one war is enough to destroy everything n there is not much time left to understand that we shld create a world where the very possibility of war doesn’t exist!!!!

Terrorism has many undercurrents… one is that, bcos of the nuclear weapons, the nations r pouring their energy into that field, thinking that the old weapons are out of date… they r out of date indeed, but cant individuals start using them?? N u cannot launch nuclear wars against individuals coz that wld simply b stupid… one individual terrorist throws a bomb n it certainly does not justify for a nuclear missile to b sent…

Wat I want to emphasize here is that, nuclear weapon has given individual people a certain kind of freedom to use those old weapons… a freedom which was not possible during olden days n that’s coz the govts were also using the same weapons! N the same govts concentrate on destroying these weapons by either throwing them into the ocean or selling them to countries which r poor n cannot afford nuclear weapons… n if u had noticed, all these terrorists come mainly from these poor countries…

They also have a strange protection… as I said earlier, u cannot use nuclear weapons against them… u just cannot throw atom bombs at them! But they can throw bombs at u, n a country that has gone ahead with being secure in the nuclear weapons front has become ‘impotent’… the same applies to US… the most powerful country in the world is still solving the 9/ 11 incident! We have a vast amount of atom bombs n nuclear bombs in our hands but to no avail… sometimes where a needle is useful, a sword may not b of any use! N ppl who have the sword need not necessarily b in a superior position to the man who has a needle…

Now the terrorist has a great power even over the greatest powers… he can throw bombs at the Twin Tower, at the white house, at the Taj Mahal hotel n at our parliament without any fear, coz wat we have is too big n we cant really throw it back… frankly even if we do throw back the small ones, where r we gonna find him?!

(to b contd...)

2008-11-26T10:50:00.006+04:00

Diogenes lived naked, and he was a strong man. Four people who were hijacking people and selling them as slaves in the market thought, "This is a great catch, this man can bring us a lot of money. We have sold many slaves, but none of them were so strong, so beautiful, so young. We can get as high a price as we demand; and there is going to be a great competition in the marketplace when we put this man on the pedestal for sale. But," they thought, "four are not enough to catch him. He alone could kill us all."

Diogenes heard what they were saying about him. He was sitting by the side of the river, just enjoying the cool breeze of the evening, underneath a tree; and behind the tree those four were planning what to do. He said, "Don't be worried. Come here! You need not worry that I will kill you, I never kill anything. And you need not worry that I will fight, resist you—no. I don't fight anybody, I don't resist anything. You want to sell me as a slave?"

Embarassed, afraid, those four people said, "That's what we were thinking. We are poor... if you are willing."

He said, "Of course I am. If I can help you in your poverty in some way, it is beautiful."So they brought out chains. He said, "Throw them in the river; you need not chain me. I will walk ahead of you. I don't believe in escaping from anything. In fact, I am getting excited about the idea of being sold, standing on a high pedestal, and hundreds of people trying to get me. I am excited about this auction—I am coming!"

These four people became a little more afraid: this man is not only strong and beautiful, he seems to be mad also; he could be dangerous. But now there was no way for them to escape. Diogenes said, "If you try to escape, you will be risking your own life. Just follow me, all four of you. Put me on the pedestal in the market."

Unwillingly, they followed him. They wanted to take him, but he went ahead of them! He told those people, "DOn't be afraid, and don't try to escape. You have given me a great idea, I am grateful to you. This is my responsibility; I am going to the marketplace. You put me up for auction.

"What type of man was this?" they wondered. But there was no way to back out now, so they followed him. And when he was put on a high pedestal so that everybody could see, there was almost silence, pin-drop silence. People had never seen such a proportionate body, so beautiful—as if made of steel, so strong.

Before the auctioneer said anything, Diogenese declared, "Listen people! Here is a master to be sold to any slave, because these four poor people need money. So start the auction, but remember, you are purchasing a master."

A king purchased him. Of course, he could do it—more and more money he offered at the auction. Many people were interested but finally a sum, larger than any that had ever been heard of before, was given to those four people. Diogenes said to them, "Are you happy now? You can leave now, and I will go with this slave."

On the way to the palace as they were riding in the chariot, the king said to Diogenes, "Are you crazy or something? You think yourself a master? I am a king, and you think me a slave?"

Diogenes said, "Yes, and I am not crazy, but you are crazy. I can prove it right now." At the back of the chariot was the queen. Diogenes said, "Your queen is already interested in me, she is finished with you. It is dangerous to purchase a master."

The king was shocked. Of course, he was nothing in comparison to Diogenes. The king took out his sword and asked his queen, "What he is saying, is it true? If you say the truth, your life will be saved—that is my promise. But if you say an untruth, and I find it out later on, I will behead you."

Fearful, afraid, still the queen said, "It is true. Before him, you are nothing. I am enchanted, allured; the man has some magic. You aare just a poor guy compared to him. This is the truth."

Of course, the king stopped the chariot and told Diogenes, "Get out of the chariot. I set you free; I don't want to take such risks in my palace."

Diogenes said, "Thank you. I am a man who cannot be made a slave, for the simple reason that every responsibility I take on myself. I have not left those four people feeling guilty—they did not bring me there, I came of my own accord. They must be feeling obliged. And it is your chariot, if you want me to get out, that is perfectly good. I am not accustomed to chariots at all, my legs are strong enough. I am a naked man, a golden chariot does not fit with me."

Moral of the story: No one asked Diogenes this question

"Machi... Nee ivlooooo pesariye... Jetti Potiyaa!?"

FINDING AND KEEPING A LIFE PARTNER.

2008-11-24T13:19:00.003+04:00

Golden rules for finding your life partner by Dov Heller, M.A.. Got this as a fwd n it made complete sense in today's world... my only say is, flings mayb awesome but as long as both of u know the deal... dont fool each other in a rship saying its serious but then treating it like a fling...

When it comes to making the decision about choosing a life partner, no one wants to make a mistake.Yet, with a divorce rate of close to 50%, it appears that many are making serious mistakes in their approach to finding Mr. /Miss. Right! If you ask most couples who are engaged why they're getting married,they'll say:"We're in love".

I believe this is the #1 mistake people make when they date. Choosing alife partner should never be based on love.*Though this may sound "not politically correct", there's a profound truth here. Love is not the basis for getting married. Rather, love is the result of a good marriage. When the other ingredients are right, then the love will come. Let me say it again: "You can't build a lifetime relationship on love alone". You need a lot more!!!

Here are five questions you must ask yourself if you're serious aboutfining and keeping a life partner.

*QUESTION 1: Do we share a common life purpose?*
Why is this so important? Let me put it this way:If you're married for 20 or 30 years, that's a long time to live withsomeone. What do you plan to do with each other all that time? Travel, eat and jog together? You need to share something deeper and moremeaningful.You need a common life purpose.Two things can happen in a marriage:(1)You can grow together, or(2)You can grow apart.50% of the people out there are growing apart. To make a marriage work,you need to know what you want out of life! Bottom line; and marry someone who wants the same thing.

*QUESTION 2: Do I feel safe expressing my feelings and thoughts with thisPerson?*
This question goes to the core of the quality of your relationship.Feelingsafe means you can communicate openly with this person. The basis ofhaving good communication is trust - i.e. trust that I won't get"punished"; orhurt for expressing my honest thoughts and feelings. A colleague of mine defines an abusive person as someone with whom you feel afraid to express your thoughts and feelings. Be honest with yourself on this one.Make sureyou feel emotionally safe with the person you plan to marry.

*QUESTION 3: Is he/she a mensch?*
A mensch is someone who is a refined and sensitive person. How can youtest? Here are some suggestions. Do they work on personal growth on aregular basis? Are they serious about improving themselves? A teacherofmine defines a good person as "someone who is always striving to be goodand do the right ". So ask your significant other what do they do withtheirtime? Is this person materialistic? Usually a materialistic person isnotsomeone whose top priority is character refinement.There are essentially two types of people in the world:(1)People who are dedicated to personal growth, and(2) People who are dedicated to seeking comfort.Someone whose goal in life is to be comfortable will put personalcomfortahead of doing the right thing. You need to know that before walkingdownthe aisle.

*QUESTION 4: How does he/she treat other people?*
The one most important thing that makes any relationship work is theability to give. By giving, we mean the ability to give another personpleasure.Ask: Is this someone who enjoys giving pleasure to others or are they wrapped up in themselves and self-absorbed? To measure this, thinkabout the following:*How do they treat people whom they do not have to be nice to, such aswaiters, bus boys, taxi drivers, etc.*How do they treat their parents and siblings?*Do they have gratitude and appreciation? If they don't have gratitudeforthe people who have given them everything; can you do nearly as much forthem? You can be sure that someone who treats others poorly willeventually treat you poorly as well.

*QUESTION 5: Is there anything I'm hoping to change about this personafterwe're married?*
Too many people make the mistake of marrying someone with the intentionoftrying to "improve" them after they're married. As a colleague of mineputsit, "You can probably expect someone to change after marriage for theworse". If you cannot fully accept this person the way they are now,thenyou are not ready to marry them.In conclusion, dating doesn't have to be difficult and treacherous.

The key is to try leading a little more with your head and less with your heart.It pays to be as objective as possible when you are dating; so be sure to ask questions that will help you get to the key issues. Falling in love is a great feeling, but when you wake up with a ring on your finger, you don't want to find yourself in trouble because you didn't do your homework.

*Another perspective...There are some people in your life that need to be loved from a distance...It's amazing what you can accomplish when you let go of or at least minimize your time with draining, negative, incompatible, not-going anywhere relationships. Observe the relationships around you.*Pay attention... Which ones lift and which ones lean? Which ones encourage and which ones discourage? Which ones are on a path of growth uphill and which ones are going down hill? When you leave certain people do you feel better or feel worse? Which ones always have drama or don't really understand, know, or appreciate you?*The more you seek quality, respect, growth, peace of mind, love and truth around you...the easier it will become for you to decide who gets to sitinthe front row and who should be moved to the balcony of your life.

*An African proverb states, "Before you get married, keep both eyes open,and after you marry, close one eye". Before you get involved and make a commitment to someone, don't let lust, pity, desperation, immaturity,ignorance, pressure from others or a low self-esteem make you blind to warning signs. Keep your eyes open, and don't fool yourself that you can change someone or that what you see as faults aren't really that important.Do you bring out the best in each other? Do you compliment and compromise with each other, or do you compete, compare and control?

What do you bring to the relationship? Do you bring past relationships, past hurt,past mistrust, past pain?You can't take someone to the altar to alter them. You can't make someone love you or make someone stay. If you develop self-esteem, spiritual discernment, and "a life"; you won't find yourself making someone else responsible for your happiness or responsible for your pain. Seeking status, sex, and security are the wrong reasons to be in a relationship.

WHAT KEEPS A RELATIONSHIP STRONG ARE:
TRUST*
COMMUNICATION
INTIMACY
A SENSE OF HUMOR
SHARING TASKS
SOME GET AWAY TIME WITHOUT BUSINESS OR CHILDREN
DAILY EXCHANGES (meal, shared activity, hug, call, touch, notes)*
SHARING COMMON GOALS AND INTERESTS
GIVING EACH OTHER SPACE TO GROW WITHOUT FEELING INSECURE*
GIVING EACH OTHER A SENSE OF BELONGING AND ASSURANCES OF COMMITMENT*

If these qualities are missing, the relationship will erode as resentment withdrawal, abuse, neglect, and dishonesty; and pain will replace it.

2008-10-11T09:57:00.002+04:00

When you feel like giving up, remember why you held on for so long in the first place!!!

wat do i say for this?? hmmm...

mayb ive been telling this for too many things for too long!

Indifference!?

2008-10-02T12:34:00.000+04:00

'U' turn!

2008-09-14T14:05:00.004+04:00

It is not the question of whose mistake it is in any sort of a relationship... it is a question of whose life!

It really doesnt matter who is right or who is wrong... blaming others is futile! u cannot get ur life right by convincing the world that it is wrong... so take a 'you'-turn instead of expecting the world to turn...

Instead of accepting urself as u r n expecting the world to change, accept the world as it is n u start changing... at least, the approach towards it!

Let life b beautiful bcos of the world..

Let life b beautiful inspite of the world..

You-turn!

Mushroom soup for the soul

2008-08-29T20:35:00.004+04:00

A day that started late... a disturbed night before that.. tired, depressed, sore throat, unwanted thoughts, senseless self promises n pointless realizations... one more day that was trying to teach me neither to look at the past or try peaking at the future... just b content for the moment! All this ofcourse is easy to preach... to just say 'be happy' n twantadaiiiinnnn... life is all roses!!!!!

A day which am sure would have made The Gods ponder to make things worse to atleast make me realize how happy i really should b at the moment...

Hmmm... a day that was hardly active.. all i wanted to do was sleep, sleep n sleep long... sleep is a wonderful medicine... time heals but it pains during that time... but sleep helps u wile off all that time faster aint it?!

So as always, a simple walk to the beach is the best medicine ever... just wear something comfy to walk n wear anything that will not call for any sort of attention from anyone... the best, uninterrupted self pampering that anyone cld give oneself... walk at a steady speed, sweat, b careful of all those bizarre vehicles, enough people to notice n ponder about n let my imaginations run wild about wat they were doing for life... like that sweet, little, round aunty walking on the street who mightve been a part of a circus co. (thanks to her super bright attire) n ended up marrying a doctor who met her while treating a hurt lion, with a scientist son wanting to become spider man.... aaahhhh.. BLISS i zay :)

Its funny making all these bubbles... thought bubbles to b more precise... all sorts of nonexistent irrelevant bubbles... making them only to break it n breaking it sometimes only bcos its been made... :) heights of vetti thanam...

While walking, bless the soul of all those besent nagar beach korathis making the best junk jewellery in the world... how beautiful they r just to watch at... bold, bright, different textures n designs, different varieties hanging everywhere under that lamp making them all the more magical... rather ethereal!

With all the magic n the bubbles n ofcourse the long walk, it was but obvious that my stomach started rumbling... n i was just outside gallopin gooseberry, the best burger joint in town! I walk inside, take a book out n decide to check on wat my best friend was upto... I call her n we talk for a while... she asks me wat i was upto n i tell her i was having dinner, alone, in beasent nagar beach... all hell breaks loose after that!!!!! though i found no reason y she shldve freaked so much, i definitely felt nicer after all that pampering :).. she even went to the extent of sending someone to GG n setting me with a blind date right then... after calming her n every1 else that she decided shld gimme company during that time, i had to order something to eat to escape the annoyed glance of the restless restaurant manager n the solitary waiter waiting for some work... time to direct all my attention to my still grumbling stomach!

My mushroom soup arrives finally... piping hot n wonderfully creamy with carefully sliced mushroom slices, coriander leaves, an awesome aroma n so soulful... It then struck me that nothing really mattered anymore than that mug full of mushroom soup!

Wat do i want in my guy?

2008-08-12T17:22:00.005+04:00

The problem with irregular blogging is losing touch! one loses touch so much that its super hard to find something to write about even if one is in the mood to write...

So where do i begin? Since there is absolutely nothing that seems to strike me, lemme begin with this long pending tag! i remember being tagged eons back but no clues who tagged me...

According to Indian culture.. specifically the south indian culture, its quite an offense to say 'am no marriage material'... its all the more bad when all of a sudden everyone around me is either getting into rships, getting out of rships, getting married, having babies... its all part of the age factor but fortunately or unfortunately its been wonderful to have been just a spectator till now...

so when the tag was about 'wat do i expect from my guy' i decided to take a very mature (or do we call it romantic?!) stance initially, saying 'ill know when he comes around'...

But it all started when a music director that i respect n am very fond of asked me the same question, i jovially answered 'i have no clues'.. it was his turn to make fun of me saying its been more than a decade since he heard a 'modern girl' give such a reply... they r supposedly very clear about wat they want... later my parents get into the boy hunting thamasha n shoot the same question... am quite doubtful this time but give the same answer n they get annoyed! annoyed not bcoz i wasnt sure, but they didnt have the heart to leave the 'wat i expect' coloumn blank in my (their) shaadi.com profile (yuck!)

So as am tired of this routine n i myself am curious, no harm in thinking aloud i guess... ( but i still feel its impossible to state specifications! he is not gonna b some product i wanna buy for gods sake!)

First things first... Lemme start with my initial, superficial expectations
1. More than good looks its a gr8 positive confident attitude that pulls me... who cares about looks.. its all about the way he carries himself n looks at life!
2. Can u b tall pls!? atleast much taller than me...
3. Cleanliness is really really really important... n i zero down on the toe nails... if that aint clean, nothing else is clean...
4. I dont like ppl who dress up shabby n hate the ones that dress up too much(the muscle T, leather pants)! A smart white shirt n blue denim with a bit of stubble wld suffice! (Typical)
5. Finally... smell good!

So coming to my other (basic) expectations...
1. I love natural genuine ppl... always! U dont try impressing me n neither do i have to impress u... no pretence... its always nice to meet ppl with whom i dont have to b careful...
2. Flirts... i find so many that it sometimes gets boring... if u can flirt smart, wonderful! but i also find a few who finds it hard not to flirt... not my types at all! experience has taught me enough ;)
3. Conversations, sense of humour... if one has all that, they r supposed to be popular.. for me, i dont care... just b normal n dont try too hard!
4. I want my guy to b just simple n straight fwd

But at the end of the day all these r pretty name sake!

Guess ill still know only when he comes around!

Alls well.. that blooms well!

2008-07-01T21:34:00.002+04:00

Our lives depends on no one... we do take chances all the time... sometimes the risk of blooming is much smaller than the risk of being shut... thinking whether our blooming is for good or bad is beyond the point!

I did bloom.. i did take the risk... N i find myself living in peace... n all of a sudden the horizon is wider n i see the world in a different light... i dont have to be shut in anymore coz its my life...

The blooming was so necessary for me to see life in a different perspective... though the reason i decided to bloom for may have been a failure... but it has given me a freedom like never before... i can see things more clearly n am thankful to god it didnt work out after all! :)

Didnt Shaksphere put it so well? 'Alls well that ends well' indeed!

2008-05-05T19:56:00.005+04:00

Emotions cannot be permanent. That's y they r called 'emotions' - coming from the word 'motion', movement! They move, hence they r 'emotions'. From 1 to another u continually change.. this moment u r sad, that moment u r happy; this moment u r angry, that moment u r compassionate.. this moment u were loving, another moment full of hatred; thie morning was beautiful, the evening ugly! n this goes on... this cannot b one's nature, coz behind all these changes something is needed like a thread that holds all of them together...

In a garland u see flowers, but u dont see the thread... these emotions r like the flowers of a garland... sometimes anger flowers, sometimes sadness flowers, sometimes happiness, sometimes pain, sometimes anguish.. these r the flowers, n one's whole life is the garland... there must be a thread; otherwise we wldve fallen apart long ago... we continue as an entity - so wats the thread, the polestar?

2008-05-03T14:06:00.003+04:00

Yen veetu kannukutti, ennode mallukatti,
Idam maari ponadhadi kanmani, yen kanmani...
Thee patte kaayathule, thael vandhu kottudhadi
Kanmani kanmani!

Peace Please

2008-02-29T19:05:00.004+04:00

To meditate does not mean to fight with a problem.

To meditate means to observe.

Your smile proves it.

It proves that you are being gentle with urself,

That the sun of awareness is shining on you,

That you have control over your situation.

You are yourself,

And you have acquired some peace in that.

The Story Of Sori Pandi

2008-01-07T21:07:00.000+04:00

Food for school children - Maggi Noodles

Boon to Lazy Mothers - Maggi Noodles

Last stop for single cooks - Maggi Noodles

The only way for pathetic cooks - Maggi Noodles

It has been in the market for more than a couple of decades now, with its magical n supposedly '2 Minutes' recipe... The star of new India!

Everyone falls for the charms of Maggi noodles... How could a lonely earthworm be an exception???

Theme Music: Male chorus: Sori Sori Pandi, Sori Pandi!
Sori Sori Pandi, Sori Pandi!!
Sori Sori Pandi, Sori Pandi!
Sori Sori Pandi, Sori Pandi!!

This is how our story goes... Our Man Sori Pandi is a solitory earthworm... While other worms make merry in mud n find their lovemates n build their clan, he finds it impossible to be a part of them( if u r wondering whether earthworms r multi sexual, they r not... they r like humans having one of each gender)... He notices how many of those tall gigantic creatures walking around everywhere repel at the sight of his ppl n how lowly they were being treated...

He wanted to find that someone whom he could feel proud about... whom he could love for her sheer novelty... He wanted someone who was drastically different from his own clan but refreshingly similar in many other ways... He was growing older n older but that someone was never to be seen anywhere...

One rainy day, Sori Pandi decides to take a crawl inside the bunglaow... he loves to crawl n its always a challenge to cross the room from one end to the other while those giants were around... he crawls n he crawls n he is still crawling while unexpectadly he bumps onto something really hard... terrified whether he landed up on the giants' shoes he lifts his head to find something different...

He had never been face to face with those flat round saucers before... wanting to examine it further, he slowly crawls near the rim of the plate...

While he goes near the rim, something makes him turn his head... n there... right in the corner of that bend lay a beautiful earth worm'y'(female gender)... he finds someone looking at him from that corner... heart thumping faster, sweating profusely, he crawls slowly towards it...

Theme Music: Male chorus: Sori Sori Pandi, Sori Pandi!

Sori Sori Pandi, Sori Pandi!!

Sori Sori Pandi, Sori Pandi!

Sori Sori Pandi, Sori Pandi!!

The closer he gets, the more beautiful she looks... he had never seen another worm'y' looking so beautiful with skin so clear n so fairrr... She was just perfect bcoz, she didnt look dark n have wrinkles like the rest of his group, but was definitely similar in shape n size...n the best part was, with every crawl he took, the more intense she was looking at him...

Our Sori Pandi gets mighty excited... He atlast finds his soul mate... the girl that was imported straight from his dreams... she looked even better than the worm'y' on the cover page of play worm!!!! WOWWWWWWW

He goes beside her n expects her to turn her head n give him that intense look once more... he waits there for a long time but she still keeps looking at the place he came from (little does he know that the worm'y' is our ever faithful Maggi)

How cld Sori Pandi give up when he meets his dream girl... being as close as he was with her, it was impossible to seduce her more... (n though his name sounds wierd, he is not the kinds to ra**)... He thinks hard n dwing dwing dwing dwing dwing... FLASHBACK

He remembers how his father did a seducing 'snake' dance to convince his mom to have her 15th worm child... those intricate movements of that dance has never failed to seduce anyone before...

Sori Pandi takes a deep breath, n crawls in front of Maggi... He closes his eyes n slowly lifts his body from the floor... he keeps dancing for a long while (n yes, his hips surely dont lie...) with every move he makes, he expects some kind of a reaction from Maggi, but there seem to be none... While he dances, he slowly opens his eyes to check Maggi, but obviously, there was no change...

Sensing something was certainly wrong, he taps Maggi on the head, but Maggi falls down... Our Sori Pandi, being just a worm, decides that his dream girl died, abused by his dancing and did not get seduced afterall... He falls down and cries n cries n cries... He promises that he would never even think about dancing again if his Girl gets back her life again...

God, watching the whole episode, is actually quite impressed by the dancing skills of Sori Pandi... He gets alarmed when Sori Pandi contemplates about quitting Snake Dance... He himself comes down as Mr. Doc Worm and takes the promise of Sori Pandi not to quit Snake Dance if he wanted Maggi back... After taking the promise, God gives life to Maggi, and Maggi actually becomes a Worm'y'...

Alas, Sori Pandi n Worm'y' live happily ever after! :D

Theme Music: Male chorus: Sori Sori Pandi, Sori Pandi
Sori Sori Pandi, Sori Pandi!!

Sori Sori Pandi, Sori Pandi!

Sori Sori Pandi, Sori Pandi!!

Acknowledments:

1. Thanks to Kiran for coming up with Snake Dance for Seduction

2. Thanks to Preetha for asking me not to kill Sori Pandi with a Heart Attack that his girl was dead, n making me omnipotent for this story n give life to Maggi aka Wormy!

3. Thanks to Maestro Illayaraja for my theme music, which was inspired from his Virumandi Track!

The Planet Of (Lonely) Apes!

2007-10-17T21:33:00.000+04:00

This planet is just ruled by a bunch of crazy monkeys... the ones that r really ruling it r the craziest! But they like to think otherwise.. i.e, they r everything but monkeys according to them... they go out of their ways to prove they rnt monkeys n they even call themselves descendents of apes (that r not exactly monkeys according to them) n ofcourse the homosapiens theory (ha ha ha!)... to prove it further they even shave their hair off (both genders) to wade off any resemblance (though disappointingly many of them still look like one)

Frankly these monkeys dont even consider themselves as animals! they say they r capable of thought n have attained self consciousness which makes them stand above the so called animals in this planet! They say they r capable of emotions... they can laugh, they can cry, they get scared, they can be worried... YES! they r a step above the animals ofcourse... the animals cant worry but THEY COULD!!!! (applauds please) Wat an achievement!

These monkeys worry about everything... they r worried about life... they r worried about death...( i dont think there is anything else left to worry about now!) n the animals r quite oblivious n also remain quite normal (awww.. sad them!)

The best part is, all the 6 billion monkeys in the world feel lonely! they yearn for the love n affection that they created... During those moments not even a single other monkey survives a lonely life other than that particular monkey in its life...

So dear fellow monkeys... I logged in to blog about how it might feel being lonely n here iam as always, realising that everyone... every single one of us go through this phase... there comes a point in our lives where there seem to be no one who cld care for us anymore... but frankly it really doesnt matter... having ppl in our lives is just a matter of companionship... the real art is knowing to find company within ourselves instead of banking our emotions on someone else...

I frankly dont even know how many of u might accept or deny this... but am feeling a hell of a lot better now! :)

Whats the fcukin hurry! Wait!

2007-10-05T20:27:00.000+04:00

I was in my tiny blue pinafore with a hankie primly pinned on it... unruly curly hair tied on both sides, right on top of my head... tiny black socks n black shoes... with a scowl on my face, waiting near the stairs in my primary school for my mum to come n feed me for lunch... i remember that wait... it used to be never ending n it took all my might not to think that the world has come to an end n am gonna die starving waiting for my mum... but obviously my other always turned up n all my worries vanished instantly... time passed n i grew out of it...

I was in Grade 2 n had had a fight with my best friend for an eraser (of all things in the world)... n man, we didnt talk for 1 whole day... every minute that passed reminded me that we had fought n felt quite angry n lousy about it... now i had upgraded in my wait from a few minutes to a few hours... the next day both of us forgot about the fight n were best chums again...

My first trip abroad... Ive been talkin abt this trip to every1 in school... wat an excitement before getting into the airport... the restlessness to get into the flight... after getting into it, waiting for it to rise high... waiting to see the clouds... finally, got so bored that i started waiting to touch base again!

Grade 9 vocations n we shifted our residence to a different area... i was forced to make a decision abt whether i wanted to stick around with the whole school, travelling about an hr a day or shift to the other branch! the days felt never ending waiting for my decision, n even after i decided ill shift, i ended up waiting to see how the turn of events were going to be... i did pass through that...

Grade 10 hols n i was down with fever n later found out that i was down with chicken pox... the results came out exactly that day, so got one of my friends to check mine... the minutes i had to wait while she was checking my scores were crazy... it did feel never ending, but it got over in a few minutes...

That day when i screwed up big time in a music competition n didnt even manage to get into the prelims, while my brother won the best singer of the day... sitting through the competition n the ride back home... a bitter sweet experience with mostly humiliation n happiness that my bro won... unforgettable...

The time when my mum was admitted in the hospital... where i found out she had fainted in the first place... the wait when i had to stay back home all alone n she was taken to the hospital... the wait till the first call came that she was alright... the wait till i saw her face atlast in the hospital... nightmare!

Anything n everything in our lives can never last forever... the wait always seems never ending but it has to get over at some point in time or the other... the duration may differ... but finally, good or bad... things would eventually change as time passes!

Sudoku

2007-10-03T21:07:00.000+04:00

A craze... Thats wat Sudoku is now... I open the newspaper these days, not to read the disgusting everyday news, but to solve sudoku...

The best part about sudoku is, each puzzle has only one answer... so u either get the pie or it goes down the drain... So obviously no guess works here, n no by luck or coincidence here...

The rules of sudoku goes like this...

1. There 9 rows, 9 coloumns n 9 squares in each puzzle with the numbers 1 - 9 randomly spread.

2. Every row, every coloumn n every square should have each n every number from 1 - 9 only once. The order of the numbers could be anyway.

So if u get to solve it, ull understand its no surprise when one number does not go in the way of another number.

Life is so similar to sudoku. Both of them r puzzles. Both have only one solution n thats wat we call destiny in life. And it really is no coincidence when things happen as they happen coz thats how they r supposed to. Either for the good or the bad, thats how they r...

Awesomeeeee... Now all the more reason to sit down with my sudoku now....

My Life: A Current Report

2007-09-30T18:51:00.000+04:00

The only worst thing that cld happen to a woman of all things, is sporting a bad haircut tat makes her have a bad hair day... just every other day...

A woman with curly, bushy n unreasonably thick hair should always think twice about the kind of haircut she sports... it is also a kind of challenge for the hair dresser to bring out the best texture of that kind of hair through her cut... Well, having the best haircut once from that place convinced me to try it again... n now my hair can neither be tied to hide it from others' eyes, neither cld it be left free at an attempt to flaunt it!

Unfortunately for me, i had the sense to go n give my head to a lady, who i found out later, should have been the official trimmer for all those lions (male of the species) in the zoos... n sometimes by request, even the wild ones in the forest... lol.. n now her expertise has made my hair remind ppl of the mane of a lion!!!

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have u ever witnessed a soul leaving the body? if u have, then u might have a clue what exactly am talking about...

one of these days, while i was assisting my dad for those interviews to be taken, i noticed a small round fish pot, with 3 fishes swimming round n round inside it... n those werent tiny gold fishes but 7-8 inches long... the reason y gold fishes survive in such a small pot is because they have spot amnesia... for the gold fishes, each time they look at something outside, is again new the next they see it... n they r tiny as well, so the oxygen content is quite abundant...

But these fishes cldnt survive it, n i noticed them coming to the surface n trying to breathe in the extra oxygen... at that time i cldnt realise this n that they were actually steadily dying... i just kept looking at them for sometime n went about carrying my work...

Then, while the 1st interview of the day was going on, something made me stear my eyes to the fish pot... there he was a few seconds earlier at the surface of the water, trying to take in oxygen... a tiny swoosh n a round... as simple as it was, he stopped for a micro second n his body, as majestic as ever, fell down to the bottom of the pot...

it all happened in just a few seconds n that sight will never leave me till i reach my death bed... n i feel solely responsible for the death of that fish... which cldve been alive now, if only i had stopped to notice wat was really happening...

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my sil's friend gave birth to a baby girl yday... we had gone to see her today... the baby so tiny, so soft, so pink, so fragile just took my heart away...

Ive never seen a 1 n a half days old baby before... the baby had more hair than i cldve expected on a new born, pink pink n more pink everywhere... tiny closed eyes with lashes... a tiny nose... lips as red as wine... i cld even see her tiny blood vessels running haywire under her skin... n her skin by itself was softer than the finest cotton...

Seeing such a tiny thing, that has just come to life outside its mother womb, n how big she is gonna grow in just a few decades took my breath away... how cld such a small fragile thing grow so big n strong??

hmmm... how more beautiful cld existence get!

you

2007-09-20T19:38:00.000+04:00

We, on a broader perspective, enter this life with nothing n depart it with nothing... but what makes our lives worthwhile to live during this time in between are the people that we come across... look at it this way! millionaires are not gonna try earning so much if it really didnt matter much to others how rich they r... success is just a matter of comparative study... I, for one, care a damn about the society... frankly, TO HELL WITH THEM... though i do have sense enough to realize that i am society to so many others... but even if i had a shroud of consideration for this system, it is solely bcoz of those who r really near n dear to me...

Everyone has shortcomings... n so do i! n that is my ability in always failing to express how i truly feel about those that r near n dear n matter a lot to me...

This post is for those people who have not only been in my life but have also managed to make a considerable change in it... i accept am def not in contact with each n every one of them... but still, their memories, sweet or bitter, have always taught me the different flavours of life n eventually have helped me add yet another dimension to the way ive looked at things...

Disclaimer: Thanks raji for this wonderful idea of urs, which am shamelessly flicking!

YOU: r the reason y am here... i have spent most of my time with u, an extra 10 months on that... u've been my constant source of support all the while... u even have proof of me using u as a punch bag from my age of 2... the amount of love n affection n care that u have showered me with all this while is one reason i even have an idea what real caring is all about... i might not have told u how much u mean to me... n i guess even if i tried i wldnt find those words... but being what u r, i hope u know the power of those unsaid words than being said afer all...

YOU: r again the reason y am here... ur ability to effortlessly juggle all ur roles in my life is par comparison... u r one person whom i constantly try to make me understand though u r the one person who has completely understood me... ur way of caring for me has always been different... but that difference has wat made me the person that iam today... u being the pillar of my life, i neednt even go out of my way to explain wat u r to me, for u urself know it... i wish i cld be exactly like u in a completely different way...

YOU: r my twin with quite an age gap... i dont know which one of us is eviler than the other, but thats wat i think, makes me look upto u... i feel u r the epitome of balance... n that very balance has helped me immensely to make my life wonderful... life without u is utterly unimaginable n i confess ive been fortunate enough to have u... i know i still follow u like how a puppy follows its mum sometimes... but yes, uve been more than a sibling n most so my friend...

YOU: r one of the very few that i connected with instantly... though i might still not know u completely, uve been the sister that i never had... am surprised how easy it is for me to share my darkest secrets with u as if we've known each other for decades, where it has just been a couple of yrs... ive learnt a hell of a lot from u which u might never realize... but, u r one person that i always look fwd to spend time with anytime, any day...

YOU: were my first official friend... we were in the same class from our KGs to class 9... wats more, we even shared the same rickshaw n were quite inseparable for sometime... i dont know y, but when there was a point in our school days where academics mattered most than anything else, i started sensing the gap that was falling between us bcoz u were the brightest in the class n i was scrapping hard to even pass... n imagine all those new friends around u... things did start taking its own course after a while n there were times we were loggerheads... n we r hardly in touch with each other now... but nonetheless, i still remember vividly so many of our conversations n the times that we spent together that it still makes me smile... u share a huge part of my childhood days

YOU: were the new girl in school... i have no clues how we started our first conversation... though i do remember u sitting in the first bench n lookin considerably lost... i guess we spoke during one of those sanskrit classes where our famous 'prof' was positively trying to make a big fool out of himself trying to impress the girls in his class or somethin like that.. but i do remember very well the first time u requested me n my friend whether we cld walk back home from then on... i never knew then that u wld be one of my best friends afterwards... wat fun it used to be, sitting on ur sofa n the 3 of us chatting non stop abt everything under the sun!? miss u!

YOU: were my first crush... i have nothing more to say abt u coz i knew nothing else abt u!

YOU: were my only ray of hope in class 10... that time when i shifted my school, i was even more lost than i rightfully shld have been... wat with the new environment, new culture n literally new everything... while i was thinking it was going to be a new beginning, i was right indeed... a splendid beginning for a nightmare... thanks to u, the blow was not as harsh as it mightve been... i consider a person is true when they stick around when there is no one else to... u did that to me...

YOU: were the anchor that saved a ship from crashing... or thats how i still see u... though i might not be open abt a few things, i observe the smaller things in life with quite an interest... a welcome hug cld by far be the most common thing on earth... but that day the hug that u gave me was equal to saving someone's life... i cld even call u my good luck charm! again, new friends n new lives change lots of things between friends... but am ashamed it has left a mark on ours too...

YOU: used to be my subject for contempt once upon a time... but now u r my bestt friend... one person who is more family to me than a friend... how many times have we spoken whole nights off? if i did have a sister, then it mightve rather been u... our tastes, our views n our very lives revolve around each other... unlike many others, we really dont have to be in constant touch to be close to each other... one call is enough to tighten our bond... i accept we might have whole lot of issues that r not discussed n that we r not pleased abt with each other... but thats makes u the person that u r n u r one of the most important ppl in my life...

YOU: were the crazy idiot that used to confuse me all the while in school... though things became as clear as crystal later, i wld never forgive u for confusing me so much!!

YOU: & i were very close during college... i thought u were one of those girls who were genuine at heart n hard to come by... wat made u think u shld betray me?! i still do feel i mightve been a tad judgmental n totally unfair in not hearing ur side of the story... makes me wonder whether wat i did was right afterall... or maybe wrong!

YOU: r a kid. u r mature. u r stupid. u r bloody clever. u annoy me to no ends. i dont know wat ill do without u... u end up talking me out of my blues n annoy me more in ur attempts to reach me that time. both of us r strikingly similar in 1 thing... our ability to be constantly in touch but not so much though to choke each other... we might be so close due to lots of reasons that i cant put my fingers on... but my life is definitely incomplete without u being there...

YOU: were the first person that i spoke to during that first morning at college... n i was the first spoken u spoke with as well... that day or even during our days in college, i never realised we wld get as close as we r now... reason being we werent in the same class n nor in the same group... we used to be bus mates n yes, how cld i forget our light music gang!? i guess we started knowing each other only after we passed out... i accept, u r my first self-confessed sweetheart! :)

YOU: were forever diplomatic... something i myself am most often... both of us admired each other for wat we were... u were forever calm n composed but super fun to be around... i wonder wat cld be done to make u lose that cool of urs n act like a normal person... someone that was being fought over by 2 people... consequently, it even ended up counting to 3 n then to my surprise 4... wat were these ppl thinking? :)

YOU: were the math teacher that i used to look fwd to being taught... i def am not understating ur skills as a teacher but u were somehow most unpredictable during those times... maybe, thats wat made me wonder wat u really were n even prompted me to invite u for our college cultural as a judge... we were good friends indeed but makes me wonder y u started acting funny...

YOU: were my colleague at office... the only girl other than me in the vicinity... i cant imagine my life in that place without u being there during those times... how cld i forget those matchstick games n lovely lunches? well... for the others tat might be surprised... thats exactly wat we did most of the times... now both of us r out n r in search of our destinies... but temme! when the hell r we gonna catch up for that coffee we promised each other!?

YOU: were the person of first times... though the way we met might be bizarre, it used to be an absolute roller coaster ride while we got to know each other... someone who taught me the meaning of happiness n joy with sorrow n hurt at the same time... all that while before, all those emotions remained quite superficial to me but i did manage to convince myself that it still is superficial indeed... time changes perspectives for nothing but patience as its payment, doesnt it? but that doesnt change the fact that no one else cldve taught me life better than u did, where i think it was already quite late i started learning what it was... am absolutely grateful for that, from the bottom of my heart!

YOU: came into my life through another college mate... surprisingly, another diplomat to the t that u r, we get along absolutely fine... the concept of ego is quite non existent in our case which is quite new to me... one thing that i always think abt when u come to my mind is home sweet home... we can talk about anything n everything under the sun from utter nonsense to super mind blowing concepts... being the fighter cock that i cld be sometimes, i still am mildly surprised that we havent fought even once till now (touch wood)... kudos to u!

YOU: r one absolute enigma! wat interests me most abt u is that i cant read u at all.. i do sometimes end up thinking that we r a lot more similar than i thought we were... of all the miracles in the world, i came fwd to make friends with u... n i absolutely am glad that i did... for one, ur support... two, ur frankness... three, the moron that u really r...

YOU: r quite a professional mentor n a dear friend... ive always appreciated intelligence, tact, goodwill n integrity... u r one of them with all that n more... if not for u, i may very well be running around without quite a sense of direction... but it really is not the brake that am concerned about, but the kind of exposure u managed to give me in that short while... ur modesty n diplomacy r somethings that i still am in awe of!

YOU: r someone that changes like water... water never remains the same during one time from the other... it keeps flowing from somewhere to the other, taking all kinds of shapes in its course to find the ocean... without water life on earth is impossible... without that you in me, i will never understand the reason y iam what iam... i mention u at the very end not bcoz i found u just now, but bcoz ill keep finding u every other second!

Ugly Ducklling

2007-09-11T20:11:00.000+04:00

What difference does it really make whether u r a duck n be normal or be a swan n be extraordinary or remain an ugly duckling forever n be wierd!?

Does it even make a difference?

Whatever it may be, does it all not make a difference only when the other person sees? wld a blind man know or even care about the difference?

Then y do i care?!

Wow... Failure!

2007-06-14T12:33:00.000+04:00

Whats with failure n all the negative vibes that is associated with it...

Failure is an instance where the required skill, effort or intelligence were more or less insufficient than what is required to finish the goal 'perfectly'.
[Perfection is again a relative term... it is impossible to coin the term perfection! Many ppl might say its a state of zero fault but we could rather say its just the highest embodiment of something n there is nothing beyond that... call it heaven if u want to :)]

The game is all about probability (the math enthusiasts might find it easier to follow)... u either win it or lose it... is there anything in between? NEVER! It is all split into 50%... Everything n everyone is given an equal chance.. no partiality in the game of life...

If success is the pinnacle of life, then it requires a tailor made recipe.. a recipe that would work only with one person... its more similar to our mobile numbers...

For example, If one wants to dial the number 98840-12345 ( kindly avoid dialing this number, it connects u to the 'hutch care' executive) he/she has to dial each n every digit right... if even one number is changed we might end up reaching the wrong person, or such a number might not even exist... something as simple as a phone number in our lives requires its own level of perfection.. n we do it as a matter of fact everyday n even find short cuts to do so.. wld it be so difficult to dial those numbers of success in life?

Thats when the factor of failure comes in... according to me, failure represents the other half of the life system... an equally beautiful version... By failure i not only mean commercial failure but personal failures too! The B word that might send jitters down...

I would be lying if i say 'i hate success' coz thats what am working for, but am most cautious about it... I would again be lying if i say 'i love failures' for i would obviously want to avoid my mistakes, but i end up learning the most out of them...

Failures for one teach us... the small ones might affect us as much as an ant bite or for some, even negligent.. the medium ones wake us up n the big ones shake our roots... but at the end of it, we learn a lesson... to put it better, we HAVE TO learn the lesson... just that the tinier it is, the easier to come out of it, but as the deed gets postponed, the intensity just rises...

Failures also build in the so far non-existent fire! the fire to prove everyone n everything wrong that called us a failure! The fire to make them shut up for life! The fire to break every shackle there is n learn what it takes to be there... what it takes to taste it...

Y does one wanna be successful? But whats up after tasting it? The truth is, all of us r in search for happiness... anything n everything that one wants has an end result of happiness...

U want money, I want love, he wants success, she wants recognition... but y do all of us want that something? It matters so much to us bcoz we think that the particular end result has the ability to provide us with the happiness we r searching for! But what after u get the money n i get the love n he gets the success n she gets the recognition... does happiness stay? A deeper strive for happiness is begun afresh... A chase again.. happiness here is chased n not chosen!

Real happiness lies not in the accomplishment, but what all it takes to accomplish it... the toil, the fear, the sufferings, the pressure, the thoughts put in... simply put, the hard n the smart work! A number of well learnt failures is the path way for success... n success gives us happiness...

So y should one be vary of failures when they cld be the key to our happiness? The whole meaning of our lives?!

Finally, there is really no point in worrying abt our numerous failures, big or small, for they r tagged 'Past tense'... instead its all a way of life n a sure sign that success is not too far away!

Let us all give a toast to the not-so-enthusiastic-but-the-most-essential-split-of-our-lives!

Hail Failures!

For what they teach us... for what they make out of us... n finally, for what they r to us!

I wanna Move It Move It!

2007-06-11T14:06:00.000+04:00

I was watching the movie "madegasker" last night.... Awesome is the word.

The characterisation, the animation, the script, the humour, the music n most importantly the story line were just right! Neither too much nor too less...

The movie revolves around 4 friends in the Zoo in the new york city... A lion (Alex), A zebra ( Marty), A hippo ( Gloria) n A giraffe ( Melman ).

What does the Zoo provide them?
1. Food (The best there is)
2. Water (Unlike our good ol' chennai. they dont seem to have a problem anyway)
3. Shelter (Intact with heaters n treadmills n well... cages!)
4. LIME LIGHT (The human factor that makes most of us tick)

Everyone except Marty loves the zoo for the stability that it provides n have no clues what they really are meant for. Alex roars on the Podium, Marty runs around with all his stunts, Gloria swims beautifully n Melman... well.. he is just a health freak! They do all this primarily to entertain the kids around!

But as the story goes, as per Marty's wish, they do end up in the wild one day... Marty, Gloria n Melman being herbivorous cope up with the shelter n the leaves n sea weeds that the island has to provide... Alex on the other hand, being a predator, wants steak... n the best part is, he doesnt realise that Marty, his best friend, is actually his steak!

The part in the wild life is what i really liked bcoz, the animals come to realise what they really are meant for n what they r in reality!

After a point, the human element sets in again, where Alex is guilty trying to make Marty edible! But Marty still goes to him n revives the friendship...

They live happily ever after (in the island) is all the story is about!

Finally a mix of reality (if u care to notice it) n real-illadhe-ty!

Not to forget the "Cute n cuddly" Penguins n the squirrels! was rolling on the floor laughing!

A movie that shld be watched atleast once!

Nee!

2007-06-07T21:21:00.000+04:00

Its all a roller coaster ride,

The downs n ups forever take turns!

Who made me realise it?

NEE!

Who came forward to help me when i was beaten?

Who gave me comfort while i needed a shoulder?

Who gave me the fire to carry on with life?

NEE!

I dont ask much out of people,

Coz i know not many, who cld grant my wishes,

But i came fwd to ask n who granted them?

NEE!

Who told me that its never the end?

Who made me smile when no one else could?

Who made me feel Iam what Iam n Iam the best at it?

NEE!

You were born with my conscience,

You were brought up by my soul,

You would also die with me,

You are ME!

Climaxaaye Namaha!

2007-04-27T11:45:00.000+04:00

Disclaimer: This is just an attempt to reinforce an already popular theory... rather the other half of the belief system... this certainly does not constitute anything that i might believe or not believe in...

Here goes the epilogue for my previous post "God: Hand Made; Man Made" by popular demand... an attempt to explain the climax...

To begin with, this brain storming was just the immediate effect of an interesting concept i came across a while back... the concept of 'who delivered who'!

Taking that into consideration ( read the previous post before u proceed ) it is quite logical to argue that what stays back is what has been delivered... the intention of the whole process at a macro level makes one conclude what has been truly delivered!

By popular belief, thanks to the various religions n their myths, it is believed that a truly omnipotent God created all of us. The reason behind that cld very well be a case of convenience, which potentially answers all the unanswerable questions n well.. am no atheist to say there is no God (my belief system varies quite a bit n i find this is no time to discuss that right now)

But there also is the other half of the belief system... that the whole concept of God was created by Man n only by Man ( Cats n dogs n pigeons dont worship do they?)

So according to the theory 'who delivered who', we concluded no matter who made the delivery, the one that stays back is what has been delivered! Dont u think in the case of Man n God, the one that enters this world n also makes a prompt exit is Man? n after he leaves, the one that supposedly stays back is God?

So if what stays back is what has been delivered... n since the concept of God does stay back... then Man delivered God!

Yen Pechil Pizhai uLLadho Shuvaaamii????

God: Hand Made; Man Made

2007-04-13T20:06:00.000+04:00

The calling bell rings.. beconing someone, anyone to answer the door...

The door opens n there stands the delivery boy with a package in hand to be deliverd...

What happens next is familiar... the package is collected, sheets signed and the door is closed..

But in reality who delivered who??

The delivery boy delivering the package is common logic... After all he did all the work from procurring the package, driving it from one place to another n giving it to the person concerned... n most importantly he is the package delivery boy!!!

But even the package could have delivered the boy right?? Both the package n the delivery boy reached the destination at the same time... for without the package n the address on it, the boy wouldnt have reached there afterall...

So how do we conclude???

We could say the difference lies in the intention... whichever stays back is what has been truely delivered! Since everytime the package stays back, we take it for granted that the delivery boy always delivers...

So if what is said above is true, then Iam saying Man Made God!

True or true enough?!

2007-03-31T21:38:00.000+04:00

A thing is not high if one could reach it,

It is not great if one can reason about it,

It is not deep if one can see its bottom!

2007-03-15T19:34:00.000+04:00

Your saying to me "I do not understand you" is praise beyond my worth n an insult u do not deserve!

Oh baby...

2007-02-26T17:55:00.000+04:00

I love to watch children... The way they look, the way they walk, how they carry themselves, their thoughts, their jabber... everything... the world that they live in is what every saint aspires to live in sometime...

eat when hungry, sleep when sleepy, laugh when feel like laughing n cry when there is a need to... everything learnt is play n everything done is fun... the words failures n success dont even exist in their dictionary...

they would try a 1000 times to walk n wouldve failed all those times... but their tiny hearts just trust they would eventually walk n one day they end up walking as well... they also learn to run, jump, hop, skip, crawl in the bargain... the process of learning is fun n there is no thought to the end result!

I recently noticed that my emotional temperment is so much similar to what a 3 to 4 months yr old baby goes through...

while playing, the baby tries to scratch its head n end up holding a lock of hair... it would even continue playing for sometime with one hand... but during a point reality dawns that the other hand is not in play... so instead of relaxing the fingers a lil bit it would start holding the hair tighter n try releasing the fingers which obviously wont work... it would keep trying harder n also get hurt while the fingers relentlessly keep pulling that shock of hair... they cry n cry n cry not knowing what to do... hearing it, the mother rushes to its side n teaches it to unhold n relieves the pain!

But frankly, guess am worse than the baby... when the baby doesnt know how to unhold, it atleast knows to cry for help... what do i do when i neither know to unhold nor to cry for help?

:)

2007-02-25T16:45:00.000+04:00

Am feeling just awesome... more than awesome rather... am feeling my best! A feeling that things r happening as they ought to happen n when one's trust is put on something very deeply, its not wasted after all...

Iam really really thankful for the good things happening to me in this life n in the lives of ppl around me as well!!

Thank God!

Monkey Land!

2007-02-24T08:35:00.000+04:00

I wish i was in the monkey land

The place where i was born!

The monkey kissed me on my chin

N said Goodbye to me!

I wililish I walalaas in the mololonkey lalaland

The palalace where alalai was bololorn!

The mololonkey kililissed me ololon my chililin

And salalaid Goodbalalaye to meleelee!

A little girl was passing by

A lady stopped to see!

She bumped herself along her back

And put the blame on me!

A lililittle gililirl was palalaasing balalai

A lalalady stololopped to seeleelee!

She bululumped herselelelf alololong her balalack

And Pululut the balalame on meleelee!

U & I... In This Magical World

2007-02-09T14:35:00.000+04:00

I believe in magic. Not one that requires fairies n elves, pixies n potions, castles n wands. I believe, quite simply, in the magic of life. There is magic everywhere...

I found magic in that girl walking towards me on the road. She was tiny with hardly enough skin to cover herself… there were several packets of ear buds n a few yellow mull cloths in her hand with eyes full of hope… That hope I realized was magic! I didn’t even let her go on with the usual ‘yekka, yekka! Pasikkudhu kaa!! Kaalailurundhu soru thingale kaa’ routine but bought the cloth immediately! Her hope that she would get something in return for what she had to offer was enough to stir that magic inside me!

I found magic once when the doctor asked me to look at the night sky after wearing my spectacles for the first time… I gasped when I saw so many stars n realized all of them were ‘round’! Till date, I always make time in the nights to watch the stars!

I find magic in waves… Especially after the tsunami… Its amazing to witness the control of the ocean, when all it takes is just a few minutes to gulp a city that was thriving with life seconds earlier… Pure Magic!

I find magic when ppl smile! Just that slight curve from the lips of a loved one is enough to make a magic potion to make anyone face anything… All those smiles r so precious n so many of us r so lucky to have it in abundance that we take it for granted…

When I look deeper, I find magic woven still deeper into all of us! All our emotions r magic… it’s a miracle to feel something… be it pain or pleasure! Anyone could define an emotion but not how those emotions feel and y we even feel them!! N that’s just the tip of the ice burg…

I feel am magic being a part of this miracle…

So as hutch goes…

“You And I… In This ‘Magical’ World”

Yesterday Was Over Yesterday

2007-01-31T14:14:00.000+04:00

Our past has left us a long time back; yet most of us continue to carry it in our heads and continue to be affected by it... U can help a person caught in the jaws of a crocodile. But how do u help a person who thinks he is caught in the jaws of a crocodile, while all he has is just the picture of a crocodile under his feet? The past has no reality except in the memory in which it is processed!

Nothing is a greater retardant to growth than the burden of the emotional baggage of the past... Yday was over yday n thats the reality... Today is a new day... Today is a new beginning n this is the reality... When that reality is accepted, guess our sufferings will cease instantly... 'Yday was over yday' is not an intellectual understanding. It is about emotional acceptence...

To unburden ourselves from the past, dont we need to offload our emotional baggage first? The trouble with emotional baggage is that it gives one scratched spectacles to view the world... When the spectacles r scratched, everything we see appears to be scratched too... There is an incapability of seeing life as it is n its seen only through the experiences of the past... Our past is more of an experience that we rqd to gain this maturity rather than a source of hurt n agony...

No point in living like a psychological antique... dont make life an imposition... let not our days be photocopies... our pasts exists nowhere except now, here in our own memories... Its time to wake up from this psychological slumber... What is the point in wasting another drop of tears on the past? Let every cell of our body reverbate... Yday was over yday... Let us draw a line to the past...

Carrying is an effort!

Dropping is a decision!!

Many of us have been labouring over our emotional baggage... Lets make a decision n drop it...

The person we will become in life is waiting for us in the future!

Nonsense at random!

2007-01-30T13:48:00.000+04:00

The Devil should be destroyed! But if it is, would anyone seek God anymore? So when u destroy the Devil u destroy God!! So Devil n God becomes 1!?

Y cant materialism and spiritualism go hand in hand? Y is there a divide between the body n the soul?? If materialism is the home n spiritualism the master; is there any use of having a home to live in without a master or an empty house with the master living in it?

The highest peak gets to be the lowest valley

Education n knowledge r 2 different terms. Education is what one learns n knowledge is what one applies.

Stop using The Sun as a metephor for hard work! The earth truely does all the work..

Thanks to the Britishes to have ruled us for a while! Who else wouldve got in sundays but for them??

Some ppl say they r under a diet but i think they r off by a 't'!

Isnt fear also a kind of belief? Belief that nothing would go right!

Without ugliness there is no beauty!

Clinging to happiness drives it away faster than ever..

A river is the only thing to defy time. It remains the same everyday but changes every second! Its everywhere from the beginning to the end of its journey at the same time!

A coolie with daily wages goes to a movie to forget all his troubles n enjoy the movie! The producer of that movie suicides... Ironical!

A room with 4 walls is just a tomb! A samadhi! What gives it meaning is the place where there is no wall. A pot becomes useful not only because of the mud that it is made of, but also of the space where there is no mud!

Being a humourist is the most serious business!

Tu To Do!

2007-01-25T09:48:00.000+04:00

1. Quit this job ASAP

2. Learn car driving

3. Stop Postponing things!

4. Start looking out for classes in western n hindustani vocal!

5. Enrole myself for 'salsa'! or well... a normal dance class is also absolutely fine

6. Rearrange my room. Loads of books piled up high n no space... So intending to rearrange

7. Buy new curtains n bedspreads (U cld add adjectives like nice n COLOURFUL!)

8. Make a life changing decision (Whether to stick with my curls or go for extenzo)

9. Wanna Meditate regularly

10. Go for a trek

11. Finish the book 'Where my friend, lay u hiding?' given to me by a good friend!

12. Finish watching atleast the 1st season in F.R.I.E.N.D.S

13. Keep up with my self induced 'rev-up' sessions!

14. To start being my usual cheerful n postive self again!

15. Start proper sightings n kadalais! (So far the best in the list :P)

Gitanjali

2007-01-22T14:41:00.000+04:00

Ive never been into poetry... Frankly, never liked them much... But one of these days i happened to chance upon one of Rabindranath Tagore's greatest works.. Gitanjali..

A few of them even managed to bring out a lone tear, which i never realised was inside me..

Pluck this little flower and take it. Delay not! I fear lest it droop and drop into the dust.

It may not find a place in thy garland, but honour it with a touch of pain from thy hand and pluck it. I fear lest the day end before I am aware, and the time of offering go by.

Though its colour be not deep and its smell be faint, use this flower in thy service and pluck it while there is time.

On the day when the lotus bloomed, alas, my mind was straying, and I knew it not. My basket was empty and the flower remained unheeded.

Only now and again a sadness fell upon me, and I started up from my dream and felt a sweet trace of a strange fragrance in the south wind.

That vague sweetness made my heart ache with longing and it seemed to me that it was the eager breath of the summer seaking for its completion.

I knew not then that it was so near, that it was mine, and that its perfect sweetness had blossomed in the depth of my own heart.

O Fool, to try to carry thyself upon thy own shoulders!

O Begger, to come to beg at thy own door!

Leave all thy burdens on his hands who can bear all, and never look behind in regret.

Thy desire at once puts out the light from the lamp it touches with its breath. It is unholy-take not thy gifts through its unclean hands. Accept only what is offered by sacred love.

He whom I enclose with my name is weeping in this dungeon. I am ever busy building this wall all around; and as this wall goes up into the sky day by day I lose sight of my true being in its dark shadow.

I take pride in this great wall, and I plaster it with dust and sand lest a least hole should be left in this name; and for all the care I take I lose sight of my true being.

The day was when I did not keep myself in readiness for thee; and entering my heart unbidden even as one of the common crowd, unknown to me, my king, thou didst press the signet of eternity upon many a fleeting moment of my life.

And to-day when by chance I light upon them and see thy signature, I find they have lain scattered in the dust mixed with the memory of joys and sorrows of my trivial days forgotten.

Thou didst not turn in contempt from my childish play among dust, and the steps that I heard in my play-room are the same that are echoing from star to star.

When thou commandest me to sing, it seems that my heart would break with pride; and i look to thy face, and tears comes to my eyes.

All that is harsh and dissonant in my life melts into one sweet harmony - and my adoration spreads wings like a glad bird on its flight across the sea.

I know thou takest pleasure in my singing. I know that only as a singer i come before thy presence.

I touch by the edge of the far-spreading wing of my song thy feet which i could never aspire to reach.

Drunk with the joy of singing I forget myself and call thee friend who art my Lord.

I know not how thou singest, my master! I ever listen in silent amazement.

The light of they msic illumines the world. The life-breath of they music runs from sky to sky. The holy stream of thy music breaks through all stony obstacles and rushes on.

My heart longs to join in thy song, but vainly struggles for a voice. I would speak, but speech breaks not into song, and i cry out baffled. Ah, thou hast made my heart captive in the endless meshes of thy music, my master!

???

2007-01-19T15:21:00.000+04:00

What r we?

Human Beings...!!??

A living being having the capacity to do anything n everything?

A kind of mammal thinking it has always been and also would keep ruling the world?

An alien from some planet?

An organism which has millions n millions of lives living inside it?

Or just an ever so tiny spec of bacteria formed bcoz of the moisture on earth??

How r we here?

Is it bcoz of the proverbial chakra or cycle?

Or is it bcoz of that one strong sperm?

Or maybe did God think the -1 population without us was incomplete?

This could even be a dream! Maybe we r just a dream... A dream by ourselves or even someone else's dream..

What r we here for??

R we here to earn loads n loads of money, lead a luxurious life n own everything we'd ever dreamt of?

R we here to earn recognition n fame around the world or atleast among our ppl?

R we here to impress others with our riches n our fame?

R we here for the success or the money or both?

R we here just to keep proving ourselves to everyone n everything around?

R we here for the good of others? Rather for the good of the world?

R we here for love?

R we here to live for ourselves or for others?

HAPPY NEW YR!!!!! :)

2007-01-03T11:48:00.000+04:00

Heyyyyyy Ppppppllllll....

Wish u all an awesome new yr!!!

k.. so time to update this space of mine n am not intending to leave with just a one line wish...

Talking about new yr... what is new yr all about?? Is it a matter of a few resolutions which more often than not, lasts for a few hrs? or is it just a ritual with a series of moves rehersed through years of practice?

From the time i understood what a new yr was, it has always been a ritual to wake up late on the first of jan n its Dejavu to see my thoughts always revolving around how soon the previous yr flew away n whether the coming yr would prove to be the same... but yes.. every yr, time just flies, pulling us into life as fast as it could!

Talking about the previous yr, 2006 was just amazing...

1. Brother got married... (n that looks like ages ago!!! :O )
2. So obviously an additional member in the family which according to me is quite a change n obviously welcome!
3. Broke quite a few rules... I guess this was the yr for too many '1'st timers.. ;)
4. Came across quite a few amazing ppl who managed to change my life n my way of thinking forever!!! Thank u to all of u :)
5. Atlast did the demo CD that was pending so long and distributed it around..
6. Been recieving calls ever since for recs... which is again a good start..
7. An yr which taught like no other both in my professional n personal front!

Hmmm... Gotta gut feeling i left out something important that happened... i shall update thy if it cares to strike me sometime...

So coming to the resolutions part... Honestly am never the kind to make resolutions dedicated for new yr n breakin em again... but this new yr there were many realizations than resolutions... At the end, we after all make all those resolutions to get that 'realization' in right?

The realization was living for the moment!! Fully n totally n with all fervour! The past n the future r just illusions... the present is the juncture making my past n my future real n thats exactly what i have to live for! This moment that iam living in was worried about by me yday.. n this moment would again be worried about by me tomorrow for not having lived it... with all these, life just becomes a wild goose chase not knowing what we r living for!

Cant help but remember this phrase from Bhagvad Gita, n for all the non tamilians reading this, sorry for the inconvenience!!

"Yedhu Nadandhadho Adhu Nandraagave Nadandhadhu
Yedhu Nadakiradho Adhu Nandraagave Nadakiradhu
Yedhu Nadakkevirukkiradho Adhuvum Nanraagave Nadakkum
Yedhai Nee Kondu Vandhaai? Yedharkku Nee Azhugiraai?
Yedhai Nee Kondu Vandhaai Adhai Nee Izhappadharkku?
Yedhai Nee Padaithirundhaai Adhai Veenaavadharku?
Yedhu Indru Unnudayadho, Adhu Naalai Mattroruvarudayadhaagum!
Matroru Naal Adhu Veroruvarudayadhaagiradhu
Idhuve Ulaga Neeyadhi"

The Translation goes like..

"Whatever that happened, happened for good
Whatever that is happening, is happening for good
Whatever that is yet to happen, would also happen for good
What did u bring with u? Y do u cry?
What did u bring with u to lose?
What did u create for u to have wasted it?
What belongs to u today would belong to someone else tomorrow
Another day it would belong to anyone else
This is the universal truth"

This phrase has made me live so much more in peace! :)

So thats about it Folks... Good Night!

Phenomenal Woman

2006-12-22T13:19:00.000+04:00

Pretty women wonder where my secret lies.

I'm not cute or built to suit fashion model's size

But when I start to tell them,

They think I'm telling lies.

I say,

It's in the reach of my arms,

The span of my hips,

The stride of my step,

The curl of my lips.

I'm a woman

Phenomenally.

Phenomenal woman,

That's me.

I walk into a room

Just as cool as you please,

And to a man,

The fellows stand or

Fall down on their knees.

Then they swarm around me,

A hive of honey bees.

I say,

It's the fire in my eyes,

And the flash of my teeth,

The swing in my waist,

And the joy in my feet.

I'm a woman

Phenomenally.

Phenomenal woman,

That's me.

Men themselves have wondered

What they see in me.

They try so much

But they cant touch

My inner Mystery.

When i try to show them

They say they can't see.

I say,

It's in the arch of my back,

The sun of my smile,

The ride of my breasts,

The grace of my style.

I'm a woman

Phenomenally.

Phenomenal woman,

Thats me.

Now you understand

Just why my head's not bowed.

I don't shout or jump about

Or have to talk real loud.

When you see me passing

It ought to make you proud.

I say,

It's in the click of my heels,

The bend of my hair,

The palm of my hand,

The need for my care.

'Cause I'm a woman

Phenomenally.

Phenomenal woman,

Thats me.

2006-12-03T20:35:00.000+04:00

NOTHING FAILS LIKE SUCCESS

Musings of the mind!

2006-11-17T10:24:00.000+04:00

Acknowledgement: I should thank Chandini for the post below for one of her 'fictions' has been my main source of inspiration...

It was impressively big for a single room apt. Though there was no light except for the last rays of the sun staging a drama in colours, the room gushed warmth... it gave a feeling that it was thoroughly lived in and the room by itself lived the life of its owner...

A huge mattress with a blue batik print bed spread, A small three racked wooden book shelf with books of all colours and shapes, from fiction to non fiction, arranged in order, though a few books spilled here and there for lack of space, A music system at one corner and a CD rack cramming with all kinds of CDs from Parween Sultana to Pink Floyd, A weird oval shaped full length mirror at the other side of the room, a writing desk with hand made papers n a beautiful collection of pens, a huge bean bag, loads n loads of photos pasted all over the pale mustered wall, the faint tingle of feng shuis strung on top of the huge French window and a mild breeze....

But there was further more...

It was the unmistakable silhouette of a girl, leaning on her back on the French window n looking into oblivion...Where everything about the room exuberated warmth n life, the lone figure looked lifeless...

The few papers on her laps ruffled ever so slightly with the cool breeze... approaching her, it was clear that they weren’t mere papers but letters with no-from, no-to, no-signature, no-stamp...

But yes.. They did look like letters...

They were letters...

14/2/2000

Do u remember the day both of us went for shopping after my final yr exams? I wanted to buy a few beads from that 'korathi kadai' near my college n u so didnt wanna come with me to some shop on the roads with so many women swooning over some silly beads n not u... n how much we argued about how 'swoonful' u were n how u impressed Ms. Gypsy n even made her gift u a string of beads...

Remember the time we stood near the pool to take a snap.. n how I fell over? U laughed n laughed as if there was no tomorrow n how I swore I would never forgive u for laughing so much. But I did that soon... I could never ever remain angry with u... could I?? I of course remember the laughter as well... n u always knew how much I adored hearing that...

N the diwali eve we spoke all night... an innocent call which was supposed to last for a few seconds with one of the first diwali wishes, lasted for hours... We spoke about things that were anything but inconsequential... About our favourite colours, our sun signs, how much both of us loved bournvita, What I thought about Cricket, what u thought about shopping, our love for music ... hmmmm... the significance of that conversation hit me only after u left..

27/5/2000

I don’t know... but ive never been able to have the kind of conversations id had with u with anyone else... I did have my share of best friends, close friends, friends n the likes… not that I didn’t care for them or I lacked interest… what I spoke with them was essential of course, but it was never the same… never complete! I had even tried telling myself that what we shared was normal... but somehow the meaning of the endless conversations n comfortable silence was lost when I lost u...

Surely, some would even argue that I never had u... but that’s a totally different issue altogether... Ive even tried a lot of times talking about u n what I felt for u to Shakthi, Sandeep, Maya, Rahul... But I found it hard to discuss about something that was too close n fresh to my heart that it was better kept inside me... The thought of even discussing about it seemed to insult what we had (or didn’t) between us...

03/7/2000

Thinking about it, what could I have ever told them? Not that it was ‘out-of-the-blue’ for friends to discuss such things… Not that they would’ve been anything but happy to have been there… but how would I have described ur fascination with watching super hero movies? or ur love for road side food? or those few months in which I got to know u? or those quiet moments in the beach? Or maybe how u always liked to exchange plates after an order was made?

Did u ever tell Aishwarya or Prakash about me? About us? Did u ever want to? Or even find the need to?

U would never answer me now… like u never did before…

Y was it too much for us to share what we felt for each other with the ppl closest to us? We always had a world of our own n guess we were just too selfish to let anyone into that little secret we shared.

19/8/2000

U r leaving…

I knew we would part ways some day… I knew u would have to leave eventually…

But now that its happening… I am feeling everything at once!

I wish, had we met in some other context, or at least a few yrs ago, things might’ve worked out… I cannot say we would’ve understood each other better with all the ‘if’s added for nothing could’ve been better than what we already had…

15/11/2000

But now… somehow it feels alright to talk about u to them… its quite strange… if we thought they might not understand what we had before, how would they understand now?? Or maybe is it something we ourselves didn’t understand that we put the blame on them?

But whatever it is, I feel I should tell them now… but tell them what?

I have always thought about what to refer u as if I ever spoke about u to someone… ‘ Friend? Acquaintance? Stranger? Colleague? Common Friend? Soul Mate? Lover??’

What would u say?

31/11/2000

The reason y I felt I had to confide into Sandeep was but obvious… he was my closest pal of the lot… we literally grew up together from our kindergarten days… I had to rehearse at least a thousand times about how he would react… What I expected was hyper activity as always… anger, excitement, concern…

But the reaction that I received was a serene smile… a smile which had a trillion meanings… a smile which just said ‘I obviously knew’… a smile which had concern… it made me wish y I hadn’t even told him if not the others…

The rapid fire round after that was anything but funny…

Did u guys go for dancing?

Did u go for movies together??

Did u get drenched in the rain???

No. No. No.

NO???

Now it was sandeep’s turn to get surprised…

What do u mean u guys liked each other??

How could u get to like someone without even spending quality time with that person???

Hmmm… I just looked at him… What else could I do? What could I say?

Tagomania... or is it phobia now??

2006-11-06T15:59:00.000+04:00

k... It took me ages to actually start with this tag... n last time, right before i could finish it, something conked up n the window got shut :(... y does these things happen only to me?? waaaaaaaaaa...

Disclaimer: Btw.. plz dont expect anykind of wit or humour from this post... this is all about my state of mind at the moment... the answers r subject to change!

Iam thinking about...
Eeeerrrmmm... Eeerrr... How to finish this post... AGAIN!! :((

I said...
to myself that i would give an awesome performance in my last concert... n yipppeee!!! I did..

I want to...
fall in love!

I wish…
i was in the monkey land... (Thats a song i keep humming u duh!) though i know iam already there...

I hear…
Traffic... Cars n bikes n buses n vans n bicycles n rikshaws n lorries n just everything on the road, riding for the soul purpose of honking...

I wonder..
y ppl keep using Sun as a metaphor for being the most duty conscious, saying it rises up n sets down everyday regardless of what happens around... where originally, its the Earth which does all the work revolving...

I regret...
No regrets... Never!!! Everything has been an experience to cherish..

I am…
everything... The good, the bad n the ugly!

I dance…
to no one's tunes... I decide what i do... But yes, ppl at home just drive me around... :)

I sing…
songs... (Ahhh... now, that was simple!)

I cry…
whenever i want to... no inhibitions... preferably no witnesses..

I am not always…
what u might think iam... If i know uve come to a conclusion about what iam or how i might react, ill go out of my way to make sure i prove u wrong though what u thought might be right...

I make with my hands…
My life

I write…
handwritten letters!!!.. But thats only for the ppl closest to me n only once!

I confuse…
mostly reactions... mine n others'...

I need…
a good chunky piece of piping hot, chocolate brownie with vanilla ice cream, chocolate sauce, choco chips n cashew nuts sprinkled all over it NOW!!! i dont mind a 'toblerone' shake from mocha as well...

Lost and found - 'Myself'

2006-11-02T18:42:00.000+04:00

If u r happy right now, its not bcoz everything about ur life is necesserily going right, but bcoz a rship that really matters to u the most is going great... If u r unhappy in life right now, its not bcoz everything about ur life is going wrong, but bcoz a rship that really matters to u the most is not going great...

Rhsips r like seeds... they have to be nurtured n developed... expectations r like weeds... they grow on their own accord... when enough investment goes into building a rship, the expectations in that rship can be managed... when a rship is left un-nurtured, then the expectations in that rship shake the very roots of the rship... our problem is growing expectations in stagnent rships...

let us use the metaphor of a savings bank account... deposits build the reserves in an account from which we can withdraw... but we can withdraw only to the extent we have built up the reserves... similarly, withdrawals in a rship r possible only to the extent we have made deposits in that rship...

In a rship where there is substantial emotional reserve, mistakes will be tolerated n forgiven, the meaning will be understood even when communication is inadequate, n ur intentions will be appreciated even if u fall a little short of ur actions... in all, the rship will be good bcoz u r considered good... n u r considered good bcoz of the deposits u have made to build emotional reserves in that rship...

Any rship that we get into with someone is a funny journey... we begin the journey by trying to know about that person, and half way through it, all we have to do is try to forget what we learnt... its a journey which reminds me of a pheonix... its born and its reborn again n again... during the course of our lives, there might be times we might have to severe a few rships... but it never completely dies... it just remains dormant quietly watching everything that happens...

Thinking about all this was a journey of self discovery for me... a self discovery that was so profiund that i feel am a better human now... n i can feel that i have crossed the cocoon phase once again... though the words below might be a reposting of one of my previous posts... its significance now just startled me...

I need a relationship in which I dont have to keep explaining myself. Nothing is more tiring in life than having to constantly explain urself. Infact, emotional tiredness drains u far more than physical tiredness. So, the search is for that one relationship in which i can enjoy the freedom of trust, where i dont have to explain everything about me.

I need a relationship in which I wont be held against myself. I have my strengths n i have my weaknesses. I have my shortcomings. The search is for that one relationship in which my lesser side will not be provoked n instigated constantly. I want someone who will always relate to my better side. I want that one relationship in which my positives will always be brought to the surface.

I need a relationship in which my today is not viewed with the mistakes i made yesterday. I need a relationship where my tomorrow's misery isnt already confirmed, for ive made a mistake today. As iam human... im bound to err occasionally... in fact, every now n then. I want someone who wont maintain a database of my mistakes. The search is for that relationship where yesterday's fight doesnt intrude into today's intimacy, where yesterday's arguement doesnt halt todays communication... where yesterday was over yesterday.

I need a relationship in which it isnt me who has to take the initiative all the time. I need a relationship where i can afford to be transperent. I need a relationship in which i dont have to alter my likes n dislikes in order to gain n retain the relationship. I need a relationship in which my self-image is not scratched. I need a relationship in which iam not asked to be anyone other than who iam... what iam. I need a relationship in which i feel completely myself... even more than when iam with my own self.

I need that one relationship in which i feel as though iam once again in my mother's womb... A relationship in which my heart always feels... just born.If u already have one such relationship... plz go down on ur knees in gratitude, for there cannot be a greater gift from life. Such a relationship is life's greatest gift.If u dont have one, despair not. Didnt he say from the mountain top- "Do unto others what u want others do unto u?" Can we be that one to someone else? Let's gift ourselves into someone's life. Let's love someone so completely that we make ourselves worthy of being someone's greatest gift.. :)

2006-10-29T17:33:00.000+04:00

For the first time in my life... been torn apart right, left n centre... everytime something happened i thought that was the worst... never knew there was more to it... never realised it n been naive all the while... Doubtful whether every hurt heals... it could heal...

rather, it should heal...

Excited to be alive!! To have tasted one more flavour of life...

I Accept!

2006-09-02T08:27:00.000+04:00

Ever heard ppl saying 'Dont think about the past coz its history, dont think about the future coz its a mystery, enjoy the present coz that is the present given to u'?

But the human mind, by default, has its way of accepting n rejecting the present that we recieve. Something which is good is always accepted but something which is bad is more or less rejected. Y does this happen?

When someone is doing something or is about to do something, in a way i dont want it to be done - n iam not able to accept it - I become angry. However, when someone is doing something or is about to do something, in a way i dont want it to be done - n iam able to accept it - I remain tolerent.

When someone has something which i dont have, or someone is able to produce the results which iam not able to produce - n iam not able to accept it - I become jealous. When someone has something which i dont have, or someone is able to produce the results which iam not able to produce - n iam able to accept it - I get inspired.

When iam encountering uncertainty or is about to encounter uncertainty, which iam not sure how iam going to handle - n iam not able to accept it - it causes fear in me. When iam encountering uncertainty or is about to encounter uncertainty, which iam not sure how iam gonna handle - n iam able to accept it - i feel adventurous about it.

When someone has done something that has emotionally hurt me - n iam not able to accept it - it develops hatred in me. When someone has done something that has emotionally hurt me - n iam able to accept it - it helps me to forgive them.

When someone is present in my thoughts, but is not physically present - n iam not able to accept it - i say 'Iam missing u'. When someone is present in my thoughts, but is not physically present - n iam able to accept it - I say 'Iam thinking about u'.

Then, emotional equation is quite simple.

Something + Acceptance = Positive emotion
Something + Non Acceptence = Negative Emotion

So let us start accepting everything that is put forward...good, bad or ugly.

As always, Excited to be alive.....

PS: Shucks.... I forgot that tag that i had to post.... anywayz i shall post in sometime...

Dizzyin Heights

2006-08-31T07:50:00.000+04:00

I am growing up....

N getting stronger...

Time Heals...

Rather... It should heal...

I am what I am

2006-07-07T11:16:00.000+04:00

I would rather be disliked
for what I AM,
than liked
for what I AM NOT...

Change is the only thing that is permanent...

Without change, chances r we'll be kicked out of the race...

But there is a huge difference between the changes intitated by ourselves for ourselves compared to the changes that r initiated by ourselves necessarily for 'others'....

The number of ppl who change themselves to impress others and someothers who change bcoz they managed to reach a certain level of success continues to amaze me.....

I am also astounded by the number of ppl who will stoop to underhanded tactics to achieve their goals n dreams... Integrty n ethics seem to be sadly disappearing from some ppl's lives....

I have certain beliefs n i am not going to change them on my journey towards success... If i have to 'sell my soul' or, to put it another way, compromise the essence of who i am, to reach success, then i think it really is not worth the compromise...

Talking about change i am reminded of a beautiful story here....

Once Ramakrishna Paramahamsa was sitting near a river. He noticed a scorpion on the surface of the water, fighting for its life. Without a second thought, he ran to the water and tried lifting it from the water… but when he tried lifting it, the scorpion stung him a couple of times. Unable to bear the pain he let the scorpion fall inside the water again. While he was holding his hand in pain he saw the scorpion drowning further down the river. He put his hand inside the water and lifted the scorpion again and ran near the edge of the river to save it but again it stung him a couple of times. He had to drop the scorpion again. But still without losing heart he grabbed a twig that was drifting nearby to lift the scorpion from the water and saved it.

A disciple who was watching all this asked Ramakrishna Paramahamsa. “Oh great master, I had been watching you trying to save the scorpion. But without a hint of gratitude the scorpion had been stinging u back every time u tried saving it. Y did u have to save it at all?”

For this the great master replied saying, “It is my nature and my duty to save people from distress. It is the nature of the scorpion and its duty to sting anyone who goes near it. So when the scorpion did not try changing its nature and give up on its duty just bcoz I was saving it, y should I change and give up on mine just bcoz the scorpion was stinging me?”

When i heard this story, something shifted inside me... Something that is very basic and human which makes us to change ourselves depending on the situation and the reaction of others....

I can understand that in today's world it is highly difficult to lead a life without change... There r even so many management books encouraging us to be flexible which i vouch for wholeheartedly...

But let us learn to draw the line between being flexible and not fluctuate.

Let us be refined but not redefined.

Let the changes not dilute the very essence of our soul and what we are inside.

2 becomes 1

2006-06-21T08:42:00.000+04:00

:) Am feeling good.... splendid rather....

To be frank nothing special or interesting happeneing.... hell, nothing is happening as they ought to happen at all...

But i still am feeling great.....

I am learning.... learning to be patient....

Facing mysterious nights instead of bright mornings....

Tasting a lil bit of sour n spice instead of sweets....

Enjoying the backward pull of the swing to go fwd.....

It fathoms me to realise that one extreme is as beautiful as the other extreme....

Feels great when gravitation n gracefulness meets at one point.... Vaccum....

Its amazing to watch 2 become 1....

Hmmmm.....

2006-05-25T14:51:00.000+04:00

Hmmmm..... this is actually a reposting of one of my previous posts.... somehow the recent happenings in my life seem to make sense to post this again..... to be frank this is the beginning and end of all the topics sometimes.....

Am posting this mainly bcoz one of my friends thought it was hightime he left this world..... he was a great friend, a good son, an awesome musician, a wonderful dreamer...... pity that i never got to know him for long..... he was just too young to die.... damn the brain TB, damn the doctors, damn everything..... but after i read this post i kind of felt better.... better that it might be good for him but lousy for us out here, that he is no more.....

what is death? death is destiny. it has to be bcoz death is the origin - we come from death n we go to death. life is just a moment between 2 nothingnesses, just a flight of a bird between 2 states of non being. if death is destiny, as it is, then the whole of life becomes a preparation for it- a training, a discipline in how to die rightly n how to die totally n utterly. the whole of life consists in learning how to die. but somehow a wrong conception about death has entered the humanity, the conception that death is the enemy. this is the basis of all wrong conceptions, n this is against the eternal law, the tao.

man has taken death as the enemy of life-as if death is there to destroy life, as if death is against life. if this is the conception then of course we have to fight death, n life becomes an effort to survive against death. then we r fighting against our own origin n we r fighting against our destiny. then we r fighting something that is going to happen. the whole fight is absurd bcoz death cannot be avoided. if it were something outside us, it could be avoided, but it is inside. we carry it from the very moment we r born. we start dying really when we start breathing, at the same moment. it is not right to say that death comes in the end, it has always been with us from the very beginning. it is a part of us........it is our innermost centre. it grows with us n one day it comes to a culmination........one day it comes to flowering. the day of death is not the day of death's coming, it is the flowering. death was growing within us all this time, now it has reached the peak; n once death reaches a peak we disappear back into the origin.

but ppl around have taken a wrong attitude n that wrong attitude creates struggle, fight, violence. a man who thinks that death is against life can never be non-violent. it is impossible.....a man who thinks death is against life can never be at ease, at home. that is impossible. how can u be at ease if the enemy is waiting for u any moment? it will jump on u n destroy u. how can u be non-tense when death is waiting around the corner n the shadow of death is always falling on u? it can happen any moment. how can we rest when death is there? how can we relax? the enemy wont allow us to relax.

hence the tension, the anxiety, the anguish of humanity. the more we fight with death, the more anxiety-ridden we'll become, we r bound to become. that's a natural consequence. if we fight with death we know that we r going to be defeated. how can we be happy with a life that is going to end in defeat? deep down we r certain about only one thing n that is death. in life everything is uncertain, only death is certain. there is only one cetainity n with that we have an enemity. how could be fight with certainity n still hope for uncertainities? how can we be relaxed, calm, collected? impossible........

if death is the enemy, then basically the whole of life becomes our enemy. then every moment, everywhere, the shadow falls; then in everywhere death echoes. the whole life becomes inimical, n we start fighting. once we understand that death is not the opposite of life but part of it, an intrinsic part of it, which can never be seperated from it-once we accept death as a friend, suddenly a transformation happens. n no kidding or the 'holier-than-thou' attitude here but truely a calm comes in. now there is no fight, no war, we r not fighting against anybody.....now we can be relaxed n be at home. only when death becomes a friend, life also becomes our friend. this may look paradoxical but it only appears to be that way. if death is the enemy then deep down life is also the enemy coz life leads to death.

every type of life leads to death- the poor man's life, the rich man's life, a life of success n a life of failure, the life of a wise man n the life of an ignorant one, the life of a sinner n a saint. so how can we be in love with life if we r against death? then our love is nothing but a positiveness........just a clinging. against death we cling to life understanding very well that this very life itself brings death nearer every day.

hmmmm..... anywayz have anyone of u wondered y ppl celebrate their birthdays??? its manily bcoz every birthday takes everyone a step ahead towards death n that depresses ppl..... so when friends n relatives call up with all good wishes and blessings n smiles everything negative is forgotten n they realise that its a pleasure to live out here.... :)

So THANKS A TON to all my friends who actually made my day yesterday..... I had a spectacular day guys....

2006-05-15T11:59:00.000+04:00

The Only time when success comes before work is in the DICTIONARY

i know....

2006-05-12T15:56:00.000+04:00

I know the day will come

When my sight of this world shall be lost.

Life will take its leave in silence,

Drawing the last curtain before my eyes.

Yet stars will still shine at night,

And mornings rise as before,

And hours will still heave like sea waves,

Casting up pleasures and pains.

When i think of this end of my moments

The barrier of the moment breaks,

And i see by the light of death

Your world with its careless treasures.

Rare is its meanest lives,

Rare is its lowliest seat.

Things that i longed for in vain,

And things that i got - let them pass.

Let me but truly possess

The things that i ever spurned and overlooked.

- Rabindranath Tagore

listen.......... i just TAGGED u!!!

2006-05-09T13:43:00.001+04:00

Wanna know one of the best parts about blogging???? its the tag part........ just write some crap n u could get off the hook by making others pour out theirs about the same topic in their blogs..... does that sound interesting enough??? YES??? then happy reading n dont forget that U r tagged now!!! hey n if u r shaking ur head left to right having a smug smile on ur face saying "NOPE.... i find it highly boring...." i can understand...... boredom is a symptom of wierdity.... :P

ok fine....... enough of the intro n let us get down to business..... so this TAG is gonna be all about the MOST embarrassing moment in ur life.... so here we go....

It was early feb and the weather was warm and pleasent.... The day began with a light shower from the skies and alls fine.... The day in college was smooth and not everyone were exactly in the mood for one more day of college.... we just wanted to bunk in at home.... but anywayz the day went on placid n i woke up with a start when i heard a loud ring far away...... yes, it was the bell for break..... 'management' was the last hour before break n no wonder i had slopped down on my chair for a peaceful, dreamless sleep....

In college we always used to have a string of announcements right before we broke for lunch.... It used to be about all the club meetings n events n mostly everything that was happening n things that were yet to happen in college.....

*TING TONG* "Good afternoon. Students who belong to the fine arts club are kindly requested to assemble outside the CC block for an important meeting. The volunteers from NSS have come out with beautiful hand made products. Please have a look at them in the NCC ground. All commerce students who had participated in the republic day function are kindly requested to assemble outside the B block for a meting. We are proud to (blah blah n more blah) Have a nice day ........" *TING TONG*

The announcements were going on n on the last anouncement caught my ears coz i had participated in one of the musical shows in the republic day..... It was impossible to have a relaxed lunch with my friends coz that would be cutting it too fine to make it on time for the meeting.... The good part was, a few of my other friends also had to go for the same meeting for various other reasons..... so we just took our lunch boxes in hand n went to the B block.

We had to wait in a huge class room with big, beautiful french windows all around the room n a very high ceiling. It was the oldest building in the college which was built somewhere before 100 years. The meeting was to appreciate us about our hard work for the success of the function n we were given a small pouch full of goodies by our HOD....our break time was also over by the time we could get over with our meetings.... We just dragged our legs to our own block coz we knew we could afford to go a few minutes late for class....

By the time we walked in to the class, our HOD was saying something to the class..... I was actually kind of shocked to find out that this was some extraordinary occassion where she had just graced our classroom for a visit n that too reached it before we did.

We excused ourselves n got inside the classroom when she just stopped us half way through n demanded where we went before we entered the class room.... I found it highly inconceivable to be put forth to such a question coz i was sure she knew where we came from. So i obviously told her we just finished the meeting for the republic day. But all through the conversation i had this long ovel '0' on my face.... but anywayz she let us go back to our seats....

When i enquired i found out that one of our classmates' mobile phone had been stolen during the break.... it was apalling to hear that they thought the thief was from our class..... So after a long lecture in vain to find out the thief, they decided to search all our bags n pocket before we left our class.... we used to sit somewhere near the last row so our turn was at the end.... we were standing in a que n atlast my turn came....

OMG.... what all came out from my bag..... mostly all 'kuppai' n other than that a few M&B books..... so while i was just looking at all the contents scattered out of my bag i felt something crawling on my head.... when i turned back i realised that one of my teachers were actually checking my hair coz they thought it was so dense n curly that it could be a good hide out to keep stolen things...... :((((((((((( waaaaaaaaaaaaaaa........ when some girls realised what was going on, all of us had a good laugh!!!!

P.S: The next yr one of my juniors enquired to me whether there was any girl in our college who hid some kind of a photo in her hair n got caught!!! That was one time i didnt know whether to laugh or cry! :((

So time for personal tagging, i Tag pundit, abhay, saint, dileep n G3

happy tagging :)

A hint of PURITY

2006-04-28T12:36:00.000+04:00

"No, I cannot understand what you are saying. I don't know what these words mean. I don't know your language. I want you to understand mine. Don't open and close your lips; just extend your hand and hold mine. Please! I will give you a chocolate that I hid in my pocket two weeks back - but just hold me. Can i listen to your heartbeat? It makes me feel secure. Just hold me close to your heart so I can feel warm and comfortable. I will learn my ABC later; I promise I will. But can you just touch me right now? I will learn my 123; I know I will. But if you just let me feel your warmth right now, I will be able to dream of a pink coloured teddy.'

I was in a room full of abandoned children between the ages of 2 and 5. Silently, through their eyes, they told me this. Eyes speak volumes and those expressions touched my heart.

With all the love, warmth and touch I have experienced in my growing years, I still have my insecurities, my moments of unbearable lonliness, which goes only when I hug someone I love. What must these kids be feeling??? My childhood is filled with moments of me dancing in my father's oversized shoes and him hugging me with enormous pride.... with memories of amma holding my hand and taking me to the school and to nearby shops.... with images of myself and my elder brother being partners in crime and he literally pouncing on my mother so he could hug me... My childhood was filled with touch. It was filled with someone lovingly caressing me curls. It was filled with listening to old melodies and the steady, stable heartbeat of people who love me. What about these kids????

Once for my brother's birthday, we had to go to one of these places which was an old class room for several of these kids. Slinging my jute bag over my shoulder, wearing my favourite purple shirt, I confidently walked inside the calssroom with with my bro, my parents and a tremendous love for children. The class was so quiet that i actually was wondering whether they were kids or something else.... We intutively knew they were forced to sit this way since we went to visit them. So my dad kindly asked the teachers to go out of the class room for sometime so that we could spend some solid time with the kids. After the doors were closed there was an eerie silence in the room for the kids were confused about what to do with us in the room.... but after a few minutes the fun started....n Did i just say the word 'confidence'? About 30 two feeters were running helter-skelter.... a girl was wailing loudly in the corner; one boy gave another a slap; and right in the middle, two girls were fighting for a battered soft toy and a few came running to eye us curiously.....

It was actually kind of shocking to see the transition in a few minutes. So i made an attempt to get back those angels that were sitting inside the class by trying to get them sing along with me.... but realised that i was the only one singing - the rest were either screeching or looking at me, hands on their little waists and faces marked with indignant indifference. I even tried dancing, but all the little ones started jumping and running around me; so, I sat down. A little boy called Adit created a great commotion. He kept hitting just about anyone who came anywhere close to him. And like a synchronised orchestra, a loud wail emerged from one corner, then from another and then all together. I wanted to tell each one of them that i loved them. I wanted to calm them and make them feel special, but didnt know how. What to do, what to do? When confused, go back to your basics - this is what i believe. Si i made them all hold each other's hands and do 'ringaaaaaa ringaaaaaaa roses'... I realised that when they were touching each other, they were somwhow much calmer. I knew then that i love them - I would have to show them. At the moment, they didnt need inputs - they just needed someone to hold them close.

I started with Adit. I asked one of the teachers about his violent behaviour n she told me that he had recently lost his mother and was very traumatised. I, who find it painful to see my mother cough, could understand what the little one must be feeling. He was walking towards all of us, ready to pelt somone with a toy car. I caught hold of him, kept away the toy car and just made him sit on my lap; I then placed his head close to my heart. There was a little resistance initially, but when i continued to hold him he put his tiny arms around my neck; ten minutes later, he was fast asleep. Iam finding myself short of words to describe that moment.... It was so beautiful and so profound... One cannot be told; one must experience what it is to hold a sleeping child who trustingly, happily, puts his head to ur heart and frolics in his dream world.

A ruffle of hair here, a nudge of the hand there, a pat on the back and a tickle in the stomach was all that i was doing that day.... after some half an hour all those little ones were hanging around me, fighting to sit on my lap, playing with my hair, touching the little flower on my watch.

I pray with all my heart that all these little angels of blessings should not be abandoned any more and even if they do, they should find a better place to live in......

2006-04-19T18:01:00.000+04:00

YAHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO.........
Atlast my brother's marriage is over..... That was like one of the major things in the whole of the family that had been looked fwd to with great excitement.... great expectations by everyone... ppl have been saving up special dresses, special presents, special everything for this.... everyone has been just waiting...

My sister in law is just amazing n am so happy that she is a part of the family now.... though they made sure that i did most of the work during the marriage, it was absolute fun to act all important n busy :P.... n the best part is, everyone was happy after the marriage got over n the whole place was full of smiles n laughter...

the small reception after everything got over was like super good... it was just for family n close friends n it was so good to make everyone go on stage n perform something or the other like singing, dancing, dialogues, jokes... anything!! n thanks to my dad for that idea.......

i thank god that everything went on very well n everyone was happy n content at the end of the day.... it feels good to have all the blessings from everyone in the family at the end of the day.... i guess i have to thank all my relatives n friends for making it so special n my dad the most for making it happen....

n the one interesting line that ive been hearing for sometime now is "r u happy that ur line is cleared?"..... makes me wonder..... really!!!

I am, Therefore I Think - 1

2006-04-10T21:39:00.002+04:00

"I am". What does it mean????

We use these words constantly in our lives… Like “How r u?” “I am fine” or maybe “I am upset”… we say “I am going here or there” or “I am doing this or that”. The “I am” is normally used as an introduction to what is really important…. It could either be the emotion that we r feeling, the thing we r doin or the place we r going to. But there is an experience that can be had; a space that could be beyond the egocentric viewpoints n judgments…a space of just I AM…. It is this I am that Descartes reached after his lifetime of brilliant study, research n search for the truth, when he wrote “I think, therefore I am”

Sometimes when I think… I find myself shying myself from moving into the awareness of I am. It somehow makes me get into a familiar bondage where it always makes me think that I know who n what I am, simply by asserting a verb or adjective after the I am. Nevertheless, just bcoz something feels good or comfortable DOES NOT MEAN that it is true or even something that is good for us.

Clearly, I guess this comfort just builds a false shield around us…. Something that makes us feel safe n secured. But I guess it is so important to grow out of that bubble… n it is damn painful. Ive had so many experiences like this where ive actually felt so out of place when I thought I knew something…… but at the end I didn’t know that much afterall… growth is painful where it gives a moment of pain n discomfort as our worldview stretches n our concepts r shattered.

Mostly it feels soooo comfortable to stay inside the egocentric circle of thought in an “ignorance-is-bliss” way… but eventually life teaches the reality at one point or the other where we start realizing the ways in which we were wrong, limited n close minded about life. But this most probably than not, comes as a shock where it is either a difficult situation or after the attainment of a long wished for dream which, having been attained, is quickly revealed to be empty of the joy n fulfillment we expected. If nothing else, I think this shift often comes at the moment of death, when we realize that practically nothing…. NOTHING we put our life energy through out our life time…. The worldly success, the reputation, the material possessions.... anything…. r not worth even a grain of salt, in the face of a larger reality that extends beyond the threshold of death. Talk about bursting of a bubble… Just imagine how many millions of ppl throughout the centuries have gone through their lives putting off all their life energy into satisfying petty desires... if only we could get it now n live the rest of our lives from that awareness…

STOP for a moment

Imagine the building u r sitting in just collapsed on u. SMASH!!! If u r outside, u better pretend as if u r in a building.

U r suddenly trapped under many layers of debris… u don’t know what happened… was it a bomb?? Or an earthquake??? u lie pinned under the fallen building in a state of confusion. U smell fire.. u r injured but in shock, so the pain has not yet reached the awareness…

Smoke fills the room…

Ur precious oxygen is not there for u.

Ur body begins to perform its preprogrammed maneuvers for life preservation. U begin to gasp… rather ur body gasps for u as u observe, helplessly. Ur lungs open further n further to try to take in any particles of oxygen that might be available, but mostly fills the starved air sacs…

The blood tries to continue its work, but without oxygen from the lungs, everything in the body begins to break down.

But u….

U just watch….

U become a witness to the event, perhaps even lifting in ur subtle astral body above the physical body to view the scene. U realize u have stepped out of the body as u might disrobe at the end of a long night of dancing….. this body that u thought was U… lying there helpless on the ground without u. REALITY HITS…

I guess the most shocking part of the experience wouldn’t have been the experience that u r not the body, but that u were not aware of this fact throughout ur life… U- the u that u r right now – know this as the obvious truth.. we all have known this before as well… but how do we manage to forget this again n again is the $1000000000000 question… at that moment u understand this n so much more, so much more about life, knowledge u now realize that uve always had.

u feel as though uve woken up from a dream filled with delusion n misunderstandings. “How could I have forgotten again?” u cry, not outloud, but with ur entire being. U don’t know whether to laugh or cry. U look down at ur body n see it lying there unconscious. U have a certain tenderness towards it.. no longer an attachment of thinking it is u, but just a recognition of the heart that one might have upon seeing an old childhood house or a favorite toy of the past.

Now put urself into this space n look back on ur life. Look at all the things that were bothering u this morning or this week, this month, this yr… look at ur current list of priorities from the vantagepoint og ur last moment of life… ur work.. ur lovelife… ur money…. Ur dog… all of these things that have so much importance to u. where do they fit in now????

An unforgettable experience...

2006-04-02T18:22:00.000+04:00

The incident that am about to narrate now was one of the most terrifying incidents that ive come across in my life... I'am really lucky that am alive to even type this post... It changed my perspective about life that things need not be the same even the next second... anything could happen... ANYTHING.

I was in my 7th std at that point of time. I can still vividly remember everything that happened that day... Our school had planned to take the 6th, 7th and the 8th std students to the local children's park. We started to plan out literally a fortnight before the trip... the topics of discussion before, during and after school were necessarily about that trip...

Thank fully,the day was bright and pleasant and the weather was just ideal for an outing. So the whole of our gang were packed with all kinds of guddies from ice creams (yes! we took ice creams in our water coolers), chocolates, pastries, chips, lunch n just everything. Our teachers had an impression that we were famished for the whole of the previous month.

We couldnt shut our mouth all the way from our school to the park. We were either yakking, munching or singing. It was just absolute bliss to have an opinion about everything that was happening around and it necessarily had to be stupid and funny and not to forget the non stop giggles. Maybe if i had known what i wouldve had to face after a couple of hours from that time, i wouldnt have even thought about opening my mouth for my life time... but the energy and the excitement level inside the bus was just crackling... Whew!!! The teacher incharge did have a tough time copping with us.

We got down the bus and we just drew a bee line to the play area (warming up session)... after we got over with the play area, we unconsciously divided ourselves into small groups and started re-discovering the park again. the children's park in the city was and is owned by the govt n so it was obviously quite huge compared to all the other usual parks in the city... So we started walking through the endless roads all around the park...

All of a sudden i spotted a nice, white fluffy rabbit just around the corner. It looked soooo adorable that somehow i started following it all alone with a 5 star bar in my hand... But obviously the rabbit was much faster than me and I had to stop to catch my breath... But something made the hair on my neck tingle and rise and i turned back...

To my horror, I was standing FACE TO FACE with a LION!!!!! It was an utter shock and everything stopped around me... guess rather inside me.... I knew it was foolishness to even make the slightest movement and i was obviously not strong enough to face even a german shepherd puppy... I knew with my first glance that the lion was definitely old and hungry... yes... it was HUNGRY... I could sense it with the way the lion was looking at me... I guess even the lion wanted to be careful not to miss out on the prey coz it didnt seem to make a move either... both of us were weighing each other... i dont even remember for how many seconds this battle was going on but i definitely felt as if i spent hours together looking at the lion...

I bloody well knew i had to make a decision now or never coz it was getting late... As i was trying to make a decision something touched my shoulders... THAT WAS IT.... i SCREAMED OUT IN HORROR and turned back to find that my teacher was holding me... I could see that even she was scared from the sight of the lion... I could sense it from the way she was holding me...

At that moment i somehow felt tired... physically, emotionally, mentally.... i couldnt bare it anymore... i could even say that i was getting bored... i guess even the lion sensed my weakness... but well.... i really didnt know what else to do.

So i just had to go to the next cage to look at the tiger... :P

Mobile, bile, ile, le, e...... gone

2006-03-31T15:11:00.000+04:00

am in a terrible mood now n thanks a ton for the way this wonderful day turned out to be. loads of interesting things happened....

1. my day began with a small donation to a so called "deaf n dumb", which cost me somewhere around a 25 k worth mobile phone... but guess i was forced to donate here (it was stolen)

2. in a way am happy that, if he had really been in such a sticky situation, the phone mightve really helped him solve some of his problems... though its ME in shit now... guess that is life after all...

3. learnt quite an expensive lesson about being careful with my things.

4. i never knew i could get this attached to a non-living thing.

5. am just scared about the future coz i somehow cant believe what would happen to me if something happens to ppl whom i really care about... it hurts to even think about it... it REALLY HURTS...

6. i dont wanna be down for something which cannot be changed... which is quite trivial compared to things that r more vital when it comes to the game of life....

7. i just wanna lean on someone... not for losing my cell phone neither for anything else... just feel like it.

8. sometimes it is boring to be strong n ever optimistic... n its worse to be a pessimist...

9. surprised that someone actually managed to make my day today... thanks!!!

EDIT: Am in my usual high again... atlast i learnt the depth of Thomas Alwa Edison's story... guess could gift the "deaf n dumb" guy another 5000 for that... that was one amazing lesson.
AS ALWAYS........ Excited to be alive :)

College days... PART 1

2006-03-25T08:42:00.000+04:00

i was just wondering what to write... coz at the moment things r neither too interesting nor too bad to write about.... *n i HATE bland*.... thats a totally different issue....

But life in college was totally different. The 3 yrs were just solid fun at the least... though we used to crib about how college was sooooooo boring day in day out, all of us had our best moments there....

we were a huge group n there were smaller groups inside that.... it was literally like a combined family... each of them had their own small haven inside the group.... but we were the most noiseiest group around... if it was a free hour then all of us used to sit together under a tree which was called "the NCC tree" chit chat to glory.... about what all happened in the classes.... the scores, projects, gossip,food, guys, usual scoldings, punishments, family, love life, cell phones, messages, jokes, other friends, latest trends, clothes, accessories, more gossip, more food, n more fun .......

But the time during which we had maximum fun was during our class hours... n plz dont mistake that we enjoyed our lessons or our teachers were the incarnation of angels... We just had fun in passing chits around n having our interesting textual discussions...

but compared to the other yrs in college... we had the maximum fun in our final yr... thats bcoz everyone in our gang always had an expectation about the tete-a-tete's between myself and the one n only teacher who actually had something against me the whole of our final yr.... i dont know whether she loathed me for my guts or whatever... but in her books, everything that "I" did was more or less offensive or defensive.

So here goes one of those amusing conversations that i had with her. For safety sake (obviously hers') we'll name her C.

This happened during the last few months in coll and most of our classes were either free or cancelled. It was somewhere after a few days i came back from a trip to Kuwait for a show n i hit on one of the best cargos that ive laid my eyes on out there... i was all excited about it n i decided to wear it to coll... but it so happened that i had to wear a reasonably short top which would any day pass the moral stds of urban india n heck, even my coll..... but as usual Ms. Frowny had a problem about it....

C: *calling out my name*.... come and meet me in the staff room IMMEDITELY *gives me the evil grin*
Me :Yes Ma'am... (aha... iva sirikkire vidhame seri illaye.... nichayamaa konjarthukku koopidalai.... kozhandhe...looks like todays' kottaa is also over... but i dont remember doing anything today... heck, that shouldve been her problem....)
Friend: WOW..... thank god... i thought the day was gonna get over with no spice... Kalakku maa...
Me: Ya right....
So puncturing my brain with all kinds of thought processing about how she is gonna catch me this time i walked down the corridor... (oh shit!!!! how did she know that i bunked her class???? che che... no way.... she wouldnt have had a clue... ille did i screw up my internals???? yup.... but bloody she is not gonna be THAT pathetic.... ya some kind of project that she didnt like... or..... or..... )
I was just holding my breath to face the battle.... to sheild n block myself from her on slaughts... n i knew i wasnt carrying any kind of weapon what so ever....
C: *Gives me the STARE* *Frowns* *Looks a lil bit scary*
(Cmon jan... u can do it.... but what the hell is she upto this time.... oh shit.... am a gonner today... HOD kitte pogaame irundhaa seri...)
What kind of clothing have u worn to college today???
Me: *Looks down at myself.... Looks at C.... Gives a Grin* oh..... These r cargos Ma'am (Jan akka.... maatine ippo.... yaen avalukku idhu cargos nu theriyaadhaa??? nee solli dhaan theriyanumaa??? goodvaanjeri types maari treat panriye di avale.... vaaya vachindu summa irukke mudiyaadhu unnaale.... u r gonna get screwed trying to act tooo smart )
C: *A lil bit shocked....* *Double Frown*
Ofcourse i know that.... DO-U-HAVE-ANY-IDEA-HOW-IT-LOOKS???
Me: Err.... Yes Ma'am.... It has loads of pockets everywhere and....errr..... its quite... hmmm... loose fitting???!!!.... (nee gaali.... unna ippo yaaravadhu "definition of cargo pants" nu question kaetaangalaa??? y the hell cant u just say something that makes more sense n get off this shit babe??? )
C: *Gives me another stare* OK FINE... I know what Cargo pants are n i also VERY WELL know how they look.... but Janani... being a senior i guess u should try to set an example to ur juniors...(Cargo pantskkulaan setting exampleaa?? ive yenode adhigamaa olarraale....)
Me: But Ma'am..... i dont find anything wrong in wearing a pair of cargos.... (What kind of a mokke discussion is happening here??? collegele vela ille naa naandhaanaa kedaichen... )
C: Listen.... i dont wanna waste my time with u on such trivial issues... (ME wastin UR time??? four much )... i-am-not-going-to-see-u-wearing-such-attire-anywhere-anytime-inside-the-college
UNDERSTOOD???? U can leave now....
Me: Thank u Ma'am.... (Thank u vaa??? u better escape when u get the chance ma.. )

My friend

2006-03-20T09:47:00.000+04:00

I had a friend.... she was my best friend from the time i was born. she knew everything about me... she was young.... confident.... matured.... carefree.... fun loving.... clear.... dedicated.... she was just everything that i wanted her to be. she was everything POSITIVE.

But somewhere in the journey of life i missed out on her. i lost contacts with her.... i couldnt talk much to her.... i dont know whether there were other friends who had come to replace her or whether i didnt appreciate her as much as i should have. she left me. she didnt create a rucus, nor did she fight with me. she just LEFT ME...

I missed her n i missed her terribly. but it was too late.... i was angry that she didnt even bother about me, i was pissed off bcoz she didnt even bother to tell me.... but nothing made a difference. SHE WAS NOT THERE. As time went by i learnt to live without her.... it was difficult ya... but still.... life went on with no zest n no fun....

But one of these days she just came back as abruptly as she left. she had changed n i could sense it.... everything about her was radient... she was glowing.... she was colourful.... she was a butterfly..... she was with me.... or rather... she was WITHIN ME all the while in a cocoon...

n then i knew i found MYSELF again.....

Things about me that am not proud of at all...

2006-03-17T12:51:00.000+04:00

ok fine..... i guess its high time i start writing up something about myself. what better way than to start putting up the things that i HATE about myself....

1. i think too much. far too much than the normal teenage human brain is supposed to think (n am not teenage anymore...)

2. i dont know how to lie convincingly. my face expressions always gets me caught red handed.

3. i either care too much or care a damn. the word mediocre is not in my vocab.

4. i love postponing things.

5. iam a perfectionist n i dont know where to stop.

6. i keep forgetting things.

7. am a chocolate freak. gimme anything made outta chocolate and id do anything for u.

8. i put on weight if i stop working out.

9. sometimes i have this huge EGO problem.

10. i cannot take things for granted.

11. iam sometimes pathetic in conveying what i really have in mind. PATHETIC

12. i get lost in my own thoughts in a fraction of a secound.

13. am scared of cockroches.

14. My patience level is ZILCH or........ somewhere in the decimals. i cannot tolerate non sense from both myself n others.

15. am highly short tempered.

16. am confusing. no one (including myself) can predict me at any point of time. am SWEET n SOUR.

17. i know i dont know ANYTHING but still i think i know everything...

18. i talk too much. period.

ok fine... am surprised that i actually managed to come up with so many NEGATIVE points about myself. not bad.... guess this was some self- realisation session.

Attitude

2006-03-17T08:22:00.003+04:00

For some time i couldnt help but wonder what a good attitude is. Is it all about the way we carry ourselves? or is it the way in which we think? or is it something that relate to the way in which we look at things other than ourselves? The important and decisive factor in life is not what happens to us, but the attitude we take toward what happens to us and things around us.

I have always been happy about my attitude and the way i carry myself. I believe that iam a positive thinker and a die hard optimist. but all this optimism sometimes gets over board and makes me wonder whether all my thoughts r real or just a dream. It worries me.... worries me to no end.... i was actually shocked to find myself a constant worrier!!!!!

Worrying is in many ways good coz its a kind of a reality check. But its hard to strike a balance at the beginning. but when it becomes a habit, worry is the worst enemy. it tramples the attitude and self doubt starts to loom around everywhere. Worry affects the circulation and the whole nervous system. Its hard to find a man who dies from overwork than many who have died from doubt.

According to a research by psychologists, 40% of our worries will never happen and that 30% have already happened. An additional 12% of our worries r over unfounded health concerns and 10 % more involve the daily miscellaneous fretting that accomplishes absolutely NOTHING. Now if my addition is right, that leaves only 8%. In other words, most of the people worry 92% of their time for no good reason.

Its a fact that we have an average of 60,00 thoughts running in our head every day and 95% of the 60,000 thoughts r the same everyday. It was hard for me to imagine that so much of human energy was wasted on such inconsequential thoughts which has the effect of destroying us.

So maybe what we could do is to stop worrying about things that we cannot change. Ok now.... i can understand that its not simple. Heck its not simple AT ALL. but well.... i guess there is nothing wrong in giving it a try. Like we could avoid re-winding that conversation with that "person" whom we have a crush on and stop worrying about how we couldve made it actually better. or the stupid line that we used in front of some people which wouldve saved us from some embarrassment. All these things happen to EVERYONE around n ya.... all of us do make fools out of ourselves at one point or the other.

Maybe if it is the L word that we r worrying about.... what the heck... We r here to rule and F*** *f* to anyone who has a problem with that. We could use up all the energy that we spend on worrying about doubts in a productive way like "what am i gonna do about my life?" ive learnt that if i dont like the way in which my life is going, then there is no point in stewing it up n fretting all about it. i could rather sit n do some serious thinking about what could be done about that.

So people..... dont waste ur time worrying... worry less and act more, because worry, like the rocking chair, won't take u anywhere.

2006-03-01T10:37:00.000+04:00

This is one of my favourite snaps...

its so beautiful... so alluring... so fresh.... so simple.... so innocent...

the beauty of this snap lies in its simplicity... the focus on something so inconsequential... so inconsequential but still so magnificent.... as if i had never come across a drop in my life... i was stunned to realise that such small things have been happening all around me from the time i was born but still i failed to see its beauty. this snap made me look at life with a microscope, searching for all the small things that made a difference... it was shocking to find a master piece everywhere i went... guess we'll always have a reason if we r ready to be happy... like the happiness of looking at my mother n falling into her arms now n then,
the tears that well up when helpless old ppl beg for alms,
the shy smile of my niece when she is complimented,
the small talks that i have with my father,
watching my brother have his mushy talks with his fiancee',
the meaningless excitment in looking at a rainbow,
the view from the balcony of my 5th floor apartment with a hot chocolate in hand,
the relief after praying from all my heart,
always trying to act calm after a compliment,
the celebration of the rain drops when they become a part of the puddle,
the rain that draws a transperent screen all over the city,
the light breeze that just gives a peck on the cheek on its way,
the sun that fights before it leaves everyday putting up a drama in colours,
lovers holding hands watching a beautiful sunset,
having a rapid conversation with no words,
the soft squishy smile of a baby, the simple joy in window shopping,
the sensuous dance of a flame on the lamp,
the spark when two eyes meet,
the trickle of sweat that just slides down ever so slow after a heavy work out,
the thrill before reading a new book,
the fulfillment after accomplishing something difficult,
sniffing the delicious aroma of food while entering home,
the smell of earth after a heavy spell of rain,
watching the stars on a clear night from the top of a mountain....

after looking at the small miracles that happens around me everyday, somehow the concept of macro n micro unified into one bcoz an atom is macro to a nucleaus, a cell is macro to an atom, a tissue is macro to a cell..........n it goes on......where the earth becomes macro to the humans.... but at the solar systam is macro to our earth n the galaxy is macro for this system n the universe is macro for the galaxy!!!! does it stop there??? or is there something beyond the universe??? is our universe just a cell?? i dont wanna go beyond this when i know no one knows the answer for now..... so lemme as well be happy by making myself macro n looking at things....

what the heck....

2006-02-27T10:11:00.000+04:00

the best part of life is to be BUSY coz we have only 2 options left...

either be busy living or busy dieing!!

n both means the same.... it depends on us to decide what we opt for....

So all this melodrama was actually for putting forward the simple n normal but the truely exciting fact that i was busy the whole of the last month (WOW)... it just feels great to be back in form where some kind of an activity or the other goes on in my life.... n not much of wasting time.... YAHOOOOOOO!! :D

its so much fun to feel somewhere near to being useful again.... instead of just sitting in the office for the heck of it n then going back home n doing the nomal things... its fun to be occupied.... but still waiting for things to come up in the office where there will atleast be a chance to learn much more.... talking about learning.... its such an interesting thing where it is the first step in the vicious circle of 'change'..... learning leads to growth n growth is nice but the growing part.... i.e., the "ing" part is what gives the pain...

last month it was full on shows n recordings n marriages n meets n trips n to put it all in a nut shell... FULL OF LIFE.... somehow it felt like as if it was an exotic experience though its as normal as the day.... the last few months were the most depressing in the whole of my life coz there was a lack of zest... lack of activity.... lack of positive life energy!!!

at the moment am so happy but hope this lasts.... i wanna work hard n party hard for that kind of good work....

Missing people

2006-02-18T09:25:00.000+04:00

Sometimes its so easy to fight... so easy to get hurt... n its simpler to hurt the other person in the process also... everything is highly simple during this process... everyone has their own reasons n everyone is justified. n no one realises that in a fight the fault is never 100% on just one person... the ration might vary but still no one is ever 100% right all the time.

fights r painful... fights hurt... sometimes its arguements n sometimes its just staying mum... but still the hurt remains... but the hurt is all about missing those people we were close to... for all the things that happened n y it happened at all..

But in all these years its hard not to notice that the minute we start getting close to people the relationship starts to hurt... arguements n fights r so inevitable n well.... sometimes any kind of a relationship gets too boring without a fight...being all mushy, nice n sweet to one another is after all not all that great!! there needs to be some spice...

but the spice obviously leads to the torture of missing those people sometimes... the best part of a fight is to just talk it out.... 99% it happens but the rest 1% sometimes misses out... Y no one knows... everyone has their own reasons....

Relationships..

2006-02-08T11:09:00.000+04:00

I need a relationship in which I dont have to keep explaining myself. Nothing is more tiring in life than having to constantly explain urself. Infact, emotional tiredness drains u far more than physical tiredness. So, the search is for that one relationship in which i can enjoy the freedom of trust, where i dont have to explain everything about me.

I need a relationship in which I wont be held against myself. I have my strengths n i have my weaknesses. I have my shortcomings. The search is for that one relationship in which my lesser side will not be provoked n instigated constantly. I want someone who will always relate to my better side. I want that one relationship in which my positives will always be brought to the surface.

I need a relationship in which my today is not viewed with the mistakes i made yesterday. I need a relationship where my tomorrow's misery isnt already confirmed, for ive made a mistake today. As iam human... im bound to err occasionally... in fact, every now n then. I want someone who wont maintain a database of my mistakes. The search is for that relationship where yesterday's fight doesnt intrude into today's intimacy, where yesterday's arguement doesnt halt todays communication... where yesterday was over yesterday.

I need a relationship in which it isnt me who has to take the initiative all the time. I need a relationship where i can afford to be transperent. I need a relationship in which i dont have to alter my likes n dislikes in order to gain n retain the relationship. I need a relationship in which my self-image is not scratched. I need a relationship in which iam not asked to be anyone other than who iam... what iam. I need a relationship in which i feel completely myself... even more than when iam with my own self.

I need that one relationship in which i feel as though iam once again in my mother's womb... A relationship in which my heart always feels... just born.

If u already have one such relationship... plz go down on ur knees in gratitude, for there cannot be a greater gift from life. Such a relationship is life's greatest gift.

If u dont have one, despair not. Didnt he say from the mountain top- "Do unto others what u want others do unto u?" Can we be that one to someone else? Let's gift ourselves into someone's life. Let's love someone so completely that we make ourselves worthy of being someone's greatest gift.. :)

FIRE

2006-02-02T10:38:00.000+04:00

SPACE IN RSHIP : Kahlil Gibran said, "...let there be spaces in ur togetherness... stand together yet not too near together, for the pillars of the temple stand apart, and the oak tree n the cypress grow not in each other's shadow." Fire epitomises this. When u respect the space of fire - u r close enough n yet not barging into its space, it provides the needed warmth. However, when u barge into its space, it burns u. In the name of love n affection, when a rship becomes claustrophobic... it begins to hurt the rship. Demand respect for ur space. Respect the space of the other. Let us dance together, still moving individually.

INTENSITY : Fire embodies intensity... there is nothing dull about fire... it is impossible to overlook the presence of fire. Intensity implies... no half-hearted measure. Intensity is the ability to give urself in total to whateve u do. To live life in totality is to live every moment of life intensely.

ENTHUSIASM : Enthusiasm comes from the greek words - enthos-theos, meaning spirit within. Nothing great has been achieved without enthusiasm... the measure of your achievement depends on the spirit of ur involvement... ur enthusiasm for what u pursue n the enthusiasm with which u pursue it. Aposter in a personnel manager's cabin read, "If u r not fired with enthusiasm, u will be fired with enthusiasm." Fire, in the way it dances as it burns, demonstrates the significance of living every moment with enthusiasm.

LOOK UP : Fire always burns upwards. Irrespective of the direction in which a fire is lit, the flames always go upwards. Motivational speakers scream, "If the outlook is not good, try the up look." I have experientially learnt - 'If u can look up, u can get up'.

TRANSFORMATION : Everything in its presence is transformed. Fire not only dispels darkness with light but also transforms the very nature of things that remain in its presence long enough. Anything that has to be petrified is placed in the presence of fire long enough. Shall we become such ppl that in our presence ppl feel purified n trasnformed?

2006-02-01T15:21:00.000+04:00

Eat an apple a day, keep the doctor away!

n if the doctor is cute, keep the apple away!!?? :)

Phenomenal Woman

2006-01-16T19:32:00.000+04:00

Pretty women wonder where my secret lies.
I'm not cute or built to suit fashion model's size
But when I start to tell them,
They think I'm telling lies.
I say,
It's in the reach of my arms,
The span of my hips,
The stride of my step,
The curl of my lips.
I'm a woman
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That's me.

I walk into a room
Just as cool as you please,
And to a man,
The fellows stand or
Fall down on their knees.
Then they swarm around me,
A hive of honey bees.
I say,
It's the fire in my eyes,
And the flash of my teeth,
The swing in my waist,
And the joy in my feet.
I'm a woman
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That's me.

Men themselves have wondered
What they see in me.
They try so much
But they cant touch
My inner Mystery.
When i try to show them
They say they can't see.
I say,
It's in the arch of my back,
The sun of my smile,
The ride of my breasts,
The grace of my style.
I'm a woman
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
Thats me.

Now you understand
Just why my head's not bowed.
I don't shout or jump about
Or have to talk real loud.
When you see me passing
It ought to make you proud.
I say,
It's in the click of my heels,
The bend of my hair,
The palm of my hand,
The need for my care.
'Cause I'm a woman
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
Thats me.

---- Maya Angelou

friendship

2006-01-05T18:46:00.000+04:00

the day is gonna get over in sometime n here iam sitting absent-mindedly, with a blissful mood, not a care for anything, sitting right in front of my PC n typing anything that is more appealing to my heart than my brain! at the moment i cannot describe whether am peaceful, romantic, dreamy,in a trance..........just anything!i could say that its one of those moments where u start enjoying just every moment for no reason...... there is a smile on my lips, a fire in my eyes, a joy in my feet, n i dont know y!!!!!

all of a sudden i feel poetic, where the words just pour out on their own.........but is it rhythemic? ofcourse not for am not a poetess! to be frank like always, or more so, the phenomenal feeling of womanhood is just bubbling inside!

what is the reason behind that secret smile? is it because a mild breeze is just fondly combing my hair or the stars that just gave me a wink? am sure it is the warmth that is gushing from inside me that makes everything so wonderful.......so wonderful that even my college professors, all of a sudden look like angels (so am definitely in a trance)!!

so what is it that makes me feel so wonerful????

its the thought of friendship that just made me feel this way! the moment i start thinking about all my friends, the happiness that we shared n the fun that we had together just starts surfacing on its own........its as if the moment is about to be replayed all over again! ive learnt so many things from friendship.....to talk, laugh, smile, fight, cry n most important of all LOVE! yes ive learnt the art of sharing love from all my friends!!!

a heart which is deprived of love can never be cured by giving them love! a heart deprived of love should have someone to love, to realise its value when it is reciprocated! there should be people around to accept that love n also return it back!

so guys........way to go n thanks for making my days just lovely!!! yo! :)

baby's day out

2005-12-29T08:31:00.000+04:00

WOW......what a movie!!!!??? one of the best that ive come across with the simplest of plots added with some real good humourous scripts! it got released some where around 1994 but thanks to 'star movies' for making it so highly popular! during that point of time everytime i used to switch on the tv n go to 'star movies' either it was mask or baby's day out running in the channel! they really REALLY made those movies popular huh? great going guys :)

so the story starts this way......the baby of a business tycoon is kidnapped n the story depicts how the baby actually gets to experience everything that he has seen in his baby bink book n how he manages to escape n get the criminals caught!

to begin with.......he is the cutest baby that ive ever come across n seriously did a great job! but coming to the characters, my fav is eddie (the bruenette) starred by "Joe Mantegna"! wasnt he just too good? :)))))) his every action n reaction were really notable! very minute but it did change the colour of the movie! the others were norby (the bald one) starred by "Joe pantoliano".......was he just dumb or what? n then there goes veeko (the........well u know right?) starred by "Brian Haley"!

but most of the credit goes to the direction by "Patrick Read Johnson" n the writing credits goes to "John Hughes"! some of the best lines were...

[Eddie's pants were on fire, and Veeko stomped on the fire to put it out]
Veeko: That's how you put out campfires.
Eddie: Is that... a fact?
Veeko: Used to do it in boy scouts.
Eddie: You toasted your marshmallows... over a pile of flaming GONADS?
Veeko: We usually used logs.

[Baby Bink just got a way from the villains again ater many times, but this time by crawling into a small sewer tunnel]
Veeko: No problem, fellas. It ain't a hole. It's a tunnel. And what's every tunnel got?
Norby: Ooh! Don't tell me! I know, I know, I know. It's uh, uh, uh - - ...
Veeko: Tollbooth at the end.
Eddie: Are you always this stupid, or do you do this just to annoy me?

real funny huh? :)))))

u dont find it funny :O.......then somethings wrong with u or u didnt watch the movie which again means somethings seriously wrong with u! u better go to the nearest CD rentals n check out this film......:)

the green grass theory

2005-12-28T10:39:00.000+04:00

all of a sudden the grass on the other side seems to be greener! my brain knows its just a trick of my eyes but my eyes fail to realise that they r after all cheating each other. each one believes in what they see forgetting where they r! it'll just take a minute to look down n realise that the grass on which we r standing is also green.....maybe close-up it might be a different shade but still green is green!

i guess the term 'unique' has lost its value all of a sudden! everyone wants to be everyone, everywhere! creating an impression has become so important that the art of expression is lost. i have no intentions of generalising what i think but still there r just a handful who does the trick. this is phenomenon exists everywhere starting from a person below the poverty line to a highly successful business tycoon! a labrourer with daily wages wants watch a movie in a theatre with his loved ones to forget all his worries of they day for a couple of hours. where as the producer of the same movie commits suicide bcoz the returns were much lower than what he had expected! so tell me whoz happy here? the labrorer who is doubtful about his next meal or the producer who has too much that he is scared to lose everything! hmmm......what an irony *sighs*........

its just so hard to define happiness.......bcoz the minute we start doing that, we could be rest assured that it is literally lost. happiness has to be raw. undiluted. naked. primal. just PURE.......when we r capable of defining our happiness with a reason, that kind of happiness is short lived. when there is no reason to dilute our happiness it stays longer. whatever happens happiness still prevails coz we dont need a reason anymore! i could rather say everytime we have a reason to be happy, we just cling to it, wishing it stays longer. ya so whats wrong with that? whats wrong with wanting something to last longer?

ok incase the person u like the most gives u a hug, ull be very happy at the beginnng for its just wonderful to share the feeling of love n to be encapsulated in that moment......lets assume u r still in that tight embrace but that person is not leaving u n it has already been 2 minutes since u hugged! though u might reciprocate there r chances of u feeling uncomfortable also! ok so it has been 15 minutes now n u r still in that very same tight embrace n that person is not leaving u! ull start suffocating n wanna breathe in some oxygen n so will automatically start fighting that person to leave u! for all we know u might even call the police....:)

so what was happiness in the beginning became a nuisance at the end. if the hug had been short lived, the meaning of that moment would have been in ur heart for the rest of ur life! but since there was a cling to it, it was lost! thats the same with happiness. the minute we start clinging,it naturally transcends itself to sadness!

so now am happy not bcoz u actually managed to read the full blog, not bcoz u r gonna pass a comment, not bcoz there r chances of this having a profound effect in ur life.........but bcoz iam happy for what iam n the grass in my side might not necessarily be greener but it definitely serves some purpose when it is in my side :)...

hey but what if the grass on my side is actually blue....... :S....well its high time u celebrate it rather than getting confused bcoz ur friends on the other side r actually wondering whats wrong with them n not u... :P

shopping, SHOPPING, SSSHHHOOOPPPIIINNNGGG

2005-12-25T20:34:00.000+04:00

oh the past few days has really been hectic! ya totally busy with shopping! waoh.......so big a shopping that am sure i managed to put a BIG hole in my father's pocket as well as mine! somehow shopping for a girl is a never ending processs i guess bcoz how much ever we shop there is something or the other pending! but am atleast happy that its kind of a purposeful shopping coz its basically for my office wear! formals, salwars, foot wear, bags.........it looks like as if its been ages since i shopped! so much to buy! n iam proud to say that i spent more than my 2 months salary n its only been 2 months since i started working :)....

the most affected person in the post shopping phase-more than my father, it was my brother! somehow the first time i showed him all those pretty salwars n foot wears, he was just highly shocked! he even kind of believed me when i told him that i purchased all these to open a shop! :)

so this made me wonder the difference between a man n a woman when it comes to shopping! this definitely excepts my dad coz i think he is one person who loves shopping both for himself n for others! i mean i just love going out for shopping with him coz i almost always end up purchasing more than i intended to buy :)......guess am lucky! but when it comes to other men......uffffff so much of fuss just for a little bit of shopping! i dont know what pains them so much to give a suggestion......its either "everything just looks great on u" or "i dont think the shop has anything good".....u can never catch them giving a mediocre answer! but sometimes cant blame them coz the things that women buy should be greek n latin.......what with all the accessories n everything :)......

but its not only the suggestions that the men r bored off but they r just repulsive to the very term "shopping".........they somehow consider shopping a big waste of time n i wonder y coz they definitely like the women around them, their mum, wife, sister, fiancee, friend n just everyone to be well dressed! y r men not interested to shop both for themselves n also for others? is it bcoz they just dont have enough variety so they r just not bothered about it or the men of the species just have it in their gene not to shop too much.......

i guess all we could do is wonder when they'll change...!:)

death - whats that?

2005-12-22T20:56:00.000+04:00

today was one of those days where i wanted to indulge myself in a good bout of sensible reading........as soon as i went near my own small library at home the heading "TAO" caught my eyes. i guess it was obvious bcoz the book was quite new n the words were also beautifully embeded on a rich gold background. i was still quizzical for a couple of minutes whether it was cardinal to start with such a heavy book after a tiring day in the office added with the heavy gyming! but i guess sometimes it is always better to give in to the instincts. i already had some idea about the concept tao but still i was baffled to find that the chinese culture also had such indepth meaning in them. forgive me for blogging another heavy subject n such a long one at that but still........if u r not in the mood u could always go back!

ok coming back to tao! what is tao? tao is basically "oneness"!i mean it is just unfair to describe such a huge subject in just one simple word but that one word is the raw essence of tao. u r one with everything inside n outside u. n everything around u also becomes 1. all of a sudden its just one thing that matters the most n thats only life. while reading the book the first thought that came to my mind was "if everything is one then what about life n death? r'nt they as different as night n day?" well.........i was stunned to realise the ultimate reality....

what is death? death is destiny. it has to be bcoz death is the origin - we come from death n we go to death. life is just a moment between 2 nothingnesses, just a flight of a bird between 2 states of non being. if death is destiny, as it is, then the whole of life becomes a preparation for it- a training, a discipline in how to die rightly n how to die totally n utterly. the whole of life consists in learning how to die. but somehow a wrong conception about death has entered the humanity, the conception that death is the enemy. this is the basis of all wrong conceptions, n this is against the eternal law, the tao.

man has taken death as the enemy of life-as if death is there to destroy life, as if death is against life. if this is the conception then of course we have to fight death, n life becomes an effort to survive against death. then we r fighting against our own origin n we r fighting against our destiny. then we r fighting something that is going to happen. the whole fight is absurd bcoz death cannot be avoided. if it were something outside us, it could be avoided, but it is inside. we carry it from the very moment we r born. we start dying really when we start breathing, at the same moment. it is not right to say that death comes in the end, it has always been with us from the very beginning. it is a part of us........it is our innermost centre. it grows with us n one day it comes to a culmination........one day it comes to flowering. the day of death is not the day of death's coming, it is the flowering. death was growing within us all this time, now it has reached the peak; n once death reaches a peak we disappear back into the origin.

but ppl around have a taken a wrong attitude n that wrong attitude creates struggle, fight, violence. a man who thinks that death is against life can never be non-violent. it is impossible.....a man who thinks death is against life can never be at ease, at home. that is impossible. how can u be at ease if the enemy is waiting for u any moment? it will jump on u n destroy u. how can u be non-tense when death is waiting around the corner n the shadow of death is always falling on u? it can happen any moment. how can we rest when death is there? how can we relax? the enemy wont allow us to relax.

hence the tension, the anxiety, the anguish of humanity. the more we fight with death, the more anxiety-ridden we'll become, we r bound to become. that's a natural consequence. if we fight with death we know that we r going to be defeated. how can we be happy with a life that is going to end in defeat? deep down we r certain about only one thing n that is death. in life everything is uncertain, only death is certain. there is only one cetainity n with that we have an enemity. how could be fight with certainity n still hope for uncertainities? how can we be relaxed, calm, collected? impossible........

if death is the enemy, then basically the whole of life becomes our enemy. then every moment, everywhere, the shadow falls; then in everywhere death echoes. the whole life becomes inimical, n we start fighting. once we understand that death is not the opposite of life but part of it, an intrinsic part of it, which can never be seperated from it-once we accept death as a friend, suddenly a transformation happens. n no kidding or the 'holier-than-thou' attitude here but truely a calm comes in. now there is no fight, no war, we r not fighting against anybody.....now we can be relaxed n be at home. only when death becomes a friend, life also becomes our friend. this may look paradoxical but it only appears to be that way. if death is the enemy then deep down life is also the enemy coz life leads to death.

every type of life leads to death- the poor man's life, the rich man's life, a life of success n a life of failure, the life of a wise man n the life of an ignorant one, the life of a sinner n a saint. so how can we be in love with life if we r against death? then our love is nothing but a positiveness........just a clinging. against death we cling to life understanding very well that this very life itself brings death nearer every day.

so be happy n enjoy life coz its high time we realised some basic things of life n stop fighting it :)

a painting

2005-12-22T08:13:00.000+04:00

Everything just looks dull! there is somehow a lack of expression in people, who dont seem to bother about anything happening around. the attitude is more careless than carefree. somehow the past is an exclamation n the future, a big question mark. everything seems a mirage n a dark veil just engulfs the cheerfulness. the self confidence on which i normally ride the journey of life takes a ride of its own down the slope. the failures, the disappointments, the questions, the confusions surface more than ever n the fear of my dreams being just a 'castle in the air' n trampling the hope that others have on me is just unbearable! is there any answer for all the unanswered questions? r all the answers that i already have make any sense? do ppl care for me anymore? am i just dreaming or am i myself a dream? am i a dream of my life or someone else's life? is there a real self of mine somewhere around? oh creator!!!! where r u? where the hell r u?

this was exactly my state of mind last evening, contemplating about everything that i was a part of! the sense of calm n quite just seemed to be a fantasy. so many doubts looming around, the yerning to just keep talking to someone and have a shoulder to lie on seemed to crave inside.... i was wondering whether everyone goes through this lonely phase atleast once in the whole of their lives at some point of time or the other. even the most cheerful should have gone through this facet for these r the times which brings back the fire inside n shapes up the person for the better! its all in how we take it. after all to face the morning the night has to be endured n it is inevitable to face the dawn again after the cheerful morning! so everyone has to endure a full day but it is we who decide whether to get affected by these or not. for it is we who make use of an air conditioner during sultry mornings n light a fire to overcome a chilly night!

so i was much more peaceful to realise that i was not the only one going through this but still....there was no certainity whether ill be the better of those circumstances which tumble me. i couldnt help but wonder how remarkable it would be to know what would happen in the future. there would be no need to worry anymore.....but here i was proved wrong! again we would start worrying coz if we knew our future for sure n if didnt reach our expectations then we would worry more about our powerlessness to change everything. the bliss of fantasy would be lost forever n ever. even if it reached our expectations after all, the human in us would plead for more. at the end the excitement is lost n the life of life itself starts rejecting life.

ok so again ya......there is no need to know the future,but do things go about as already planned by someone else above us n do we have a say at all about what is happening or am i responsible for everything happening around? am i the creation of consequences or do i create my consequences?

an artist almost always prefers to start his work on a fresh piece of canvas or anything that has some space to enclose his work. so if iam the artist n if i was able to paint, then it means ive definitely been given a canvas to do my painting n not just anyother canvas but a blank one where its me who decides how iam painting it. but am i 'the artist' or 'the art' when it comes to life???? i guess that is where we fuse into 'one' n create a master piece of our own which is by us, for us n to us.

just enjoy life n be a master piece :)

what is this?

2005-12-21T09:08:00.000+04:00

There was a heavy spell of rain as usual n she had no intentions of skipping her gyming session once again! office does tire a person a lot! atleast for being patient while sitting idle in the office for more than 8 hours. she knew she was over indulging in food eating everything that crosses the deadline in the calorie chart. After all it doesnt make sense to reduce so much at a stretch with so much of difficulties n gaining it again in a short span of time.

So after much of a bustle, the tracks n its matching Tee n the jacket were successfuly found n also worn....after all being a memeber in the best gym around is not a joke....a careful sense of fashion is needed where the costume needs to be branded, bright, not too wierd but still unique.....it does take some time to reach that level of perfection.

But more than being a platform to prove one's taste in clothing, a certain kind of a mettle is also required to be popular in such places....come on!everyone goes to the gym with the main intent of working out their muscles while working out the chicks ;) so a good protein diet is rather compulsory to bring out the best. already it was getting late n still the food has to be eaten n there was no car to commute. so an auto has to be caught : 0......

In chennai auto riks are the indispensible mode of commute for many....n the rates more or less does not depend on the price of petrol but the range of the passenger. autowalas here strongly believe in equality where they ask for exorbident fees from the vougish n the others a normal fee. n to top this all there she was yet again a shortage of funds n had to be careful not wasting too much on an auto.

so all set n ready it was time to show case the efforts put in for that mystic figure n the matching attire. the rainy days does make it difficult to catch an auto for the whole city demands for one and the autowalas who did have a seat to spare expected the whole bank balance to be given. so she was but obviously anxious for it was not advisable for women in chennai to go out after a point of time. after much of an ado there came one autorikshaw who atlast seemed to demand for something quite nominal. the amount to be given was one less the square of four so it was better to carry the exact change to avoid further confusions.

the climate was so cold that it was automatic to hold the jacket tight to get some warmth. the journey to the gym was just a matter of 5 minutes but still it was pleasent watching the same old surroundings with a little bit of mist n the roads an arrey of ponds n puddles with a small group of urchins trying to make the best use of the opportunity splashing water on the people walking on the roads. a few romantic couples, as coy as ever, sitting in huddled corners wishing the moment never gets over. during such days one cant help but wish to be in a rship atleast to have a long cuddly walk with "that" special someone.

but there was no time to contemplate more on such thoughts for the gym was just around the corner n it was better to take out the change before the stop to avoid wasting time. while taking out the change from her pocket there was a strong gush of breeze blowing out everything that she held n before the driver stopped, it went inside one of those same puddles that she was looking at on the way. she had no money other than a 20 rupee note but as presumed the auto wala had no change.... so there went the 20 rupee note. after all she couldve caught any in the beginning to reach the gym. :)