Friday, March 31, 2006

Mobile, bile, ile, le, e...... gone

am in a terrible mood now n thanks a ton for the way this wonderful day turned out to be. loads of interesting things happened....

1. my day began with a small donation to a so called "deaf n dumb", which cost me somewhere around a 25 k worth mobile phone... but guess i was forced to donate here (it was stolen)

2. in a way am happy that, if he had really been in such a sticky situation, the phone mightve really helped him solve some of his problems... though its ME in shit now... guess that is life after all...

3. learnt quite an expensive lesson about being careful with my things.

4. i never knew i could get this attached to a non-living thing.

5. am just scared about the future coz i somehow cant believe what would happen to me if something happens to ppl whom i really care about... it hurts to even think about it... it REALLY HURTS...

6. i dont wanna be down for something which cannot be changed... which is quite trivial compared to things that r more vital when it comes to the game of life....

7. i just wanna lean on someone... not for losing my cell phone neither for anything else... just feel like it.

8. sometimes it is boring to be strong n ever optimistic... n its worse to be a pessimist...

9. surprised that someone actually managed to make my day today... thanks!!!


EDIT: Am in my usual high again... atlast i learnt the depth of Thomas Alwa Edison's story... guess could gift the "deaf n dumb" guy another 5000 for that... that was one amazing lesson.
AS ALWAYS........ Excited to be alive :)

Saturday, March 25, 2006

College days... PART 1

i was just wondering what to write... coz at the moment things r neither too interesting nor too bad to write about.... *n i HATE bland*.... thats a totally different issue....

But life in college was totally different. The 3 yrs were just solid fun at the least... though we used to crib about how college was sooooooo boring day in day out, all of us had our best moments there....

we were a huge group n there were smaller groups inside that.... it was literally like a combined family... each of them had their own small haven inside the group.... but we were the most noiseiest group around... if it was a free hour then all of us used to sit together under a tree which was called "the NCC tree" chit chat to glory.... about what all happened in the classes.... the scores, projects, gossip,food, guys, usual scoldings, punishments, family, love life, cell phones, messages, jokes, other friends, latest trends, clothes, accessories, more gossip, more food, n more fun .......

But the time during which we had maximum fun was during our class hours... n plz dont mistake that we enjoyed our lessons or our teachers were the incarnation of angels... We just had fun in passing chits around n having our interesting textual discussions...

but compared to the other yrs in college... we had the maximum fun in our final yr... thats bcoz everyone in our gang always had an expectation about the tete-a-tete's between myself and the one n only teacher who actually had something against me the whole of our final yr.... i dont know whether she loathed me for my guts or whatever... but in her books, everything that "I" did was more or less offensive or defensive.

So here goes one of those amusing conversations that i had with her. For safety sake (obviously hers') we'll name her C.

This happened during the last few months in coll and most of our classes were either free or cancelled. It was somewhere after a few days i came back from a trip to Kuwait for a show n i hit on one of the best cargos that ive laid my eyes on out there... i was all excited about it n i decided to wear it to coll... but it so happened that i had to wear a reasonably short top which would any day pass the moral stds of urban india n heck, even my coll..... but as usual Ms. Frowny had a problem about it....

C: *calling out my name*.... come and meet me in the staff room IMMEDITELY *gives me the evil grin*
Me :Yes Ma'am... (aha... iva sirikkire vidhame seri illaye.... nichayamaa konjarthukku koopidalai.... kozhandhe...looks like todays' kottaa is also over... but i dont remember doing anything today... heck, that shouldve been her problem....)
Friend: WOW..... thank god... i thought the day was gonna get over with no spice... Kalakku maa...
Me: Ya right....
So puncturing my brain with all kinds of thought processing about how she is gonna catch me this time i walked down the corridor... (oh shit!!!! how did she know that i bunked her class???? che che... no way.... she wouldnt have had a clue... ille did i screw up my internals???? yup.... but bloody she is not gonna be THAT pathetic.... ya some kind of project that she didnt like... or..... or..... )
I was just holding my breath to face the battle.... to sheild n block myself from her on slaughts... n i knew i wasnt carrying any kind of weapon what so ever....
C: *Gives me the STARE* *Frowns* *Looks a lil bit scary*
(Cmon jan... u can do it.... but what the hell is she upto this time.... oh shit.... am a gonner today... HOD kitte pogaame irundhaa seri...)
What kind of clothing have u worn to college today???
Me: *Looks down at myself.... Looks at C.... Gives a Grin* oh..... These r cargos Ma'am (Jan akka.... maatine ippo.... yaen avalukku idhu cargos nu theriyaadhaa??? nee solli dhaan theriyanumaa??? goodvaanjeri types maari treat panriye di avale.... vaaya vachindu summa irukke mudiyaadhu unnaale.... u r gonna get screwed trying to act tooo smart )
C: *A lil bit shocked....* *Double Frown*
Ofcourse i know that.... DO-U-HAVE-ANY-IDEA-HOW-IT-LOOKS???
Me: Err.... Yes Ma'am.... It has loads of pockets everywhere and....errr..... its quite... hmmm... loose fitting???!!!.... (nee gaali.... unna ippo yaaravadhu "definition of cargo pants" nu question kaetaangalaa??? y the hell cant u just say something that makes more sense n get off this shit babe??? )

C: *Gives me another stare* OK FINE... I know what Cargo pants are n i also VERY WELL know how they look.... but Janani... being a senior i guess u should try to set an example to ur juniors...(Cargo pantskkulaan setting exampleaa?? ive yenode adhigamaa olarraale....)
Me:
But Ma'am..... i dont find anything wrong in wearing a pair of cargos....
(What kind of a mokke discussion is happening here??? collegele vela ille naa naandhaanaa kedaichen... )
C: Listen.... i dont wanna waste my time with u on such trivial issues... (ME wastin UR time??? four much )... i-am-not-going-to-see-u-wearing-such-attire-anywhere-anytime-inside-the-college
UNDERSTOOD???? U can leave now....
Me: Thank u Ma'am.... (Thank u vaa??? u better escape when u get the chance ma.. )

Monday, March 20, 2006

My friend



I had a friend.... she was my best friend from the time i was born. she knew everything about me... she was young.... confident.... matured.... carefree.... fun loving.... clear.... dedicated.... she was just everything that i wanted her to be. she was everything POSITIVE.

But somewhere in the journey of life i missed out on her. i lost contacts with her.... i couldnt talk much to her.... i dont know whether there were other friends who had come to replace her or whether i didnt appreciate her as much as i should have. she left me. she didnt create a rucus, nor did she fight with me. she just LEFT ME...

I missed her n i missed her terribly. but it was too late.... i was angry that she didnt even bother about me, i was pissed off bcoz she didnt even bother to tell me.... but nothing made a difference. SHE WAS NOT THERE. As time went by i learnt to live without her.... it was difficult ya... but still.... life went on with no zest n no fun....

But one of these days she just came back as abruptly as she left. she had changed n i could sense it.... everything about her was radient... she was glowing.... she was colourful.... she was a butterfly..... she was with me.... or rather... she was WITHIN ME all the while in a cocoon...

n then i knew i found MYSELF again..... Posted by Picasa

Friday, March 17, 2006

Things about me that am not proud of at all...

ok fine..... i guess its high time i start writing up something about myself. what better way than to start putting up the things that i HATE about myself....

1. i think too much. far too much than the normal teenage human brain is supposed to think (n am not teenage anymore...)

2. i dont know how to lie convincingly. my face expressions always gets me caught red handed.

3. i either care too much or care a damn. the word mediocre is not in my vocab.

4. i love postponing things.

5. iam a perfectionist n i dont know where to stop.

6. i keep forgetting things.

7. am a chocolate freak. gimme anything made outta chocolate and id do anything for u.

8. i put on weight if i stop working out.

9. sometimes i have this huge EGO problem.

10. i cannot take things for granted.

11. iam sometimes pathetic in conveying what i really have in mind. PATHETIC

12. i get lost in my own thoughts in a fraction of a secound.

13. am scared of cockroches.

14. My patience level is ZILCH or........ somewhere in the decimals. i cannot tolerate non sense from both myself n others.

15. am highly short tempered.

16. am confusing. no one (including myself) can predict me at any point of time. am SWEET n SOUR.

17. i know i dont know ANYTHING but still i think i know everything...

18. i talk too much. period.

ok fine... am surprised that i actually managed to come up with so many NEGATIVE points about myself. not bad.... guess this was some self- realisation session.

Attitude

For some time i couldnt help but wonder what a good attitude is. Is it all about the way we carry ourselves? or is it the way in which we think? or is it something that relate to the way in which we look at things other than ourselves? The important and decisive factor in life is not what happens to us, but the attitude we take toward what happens to us and things around us.

I have always been happy about my attitude and the way i carry myself. I believe that iam a positive thinker and a die hard optimist. but all this optimism sometimes gets over board and makes me wonder whether all my thoughts r real or just a dream. It worries me.... worries me to no end.... i was actually shocked to find myself a constant worrier!!!!!

Worrying is in many ways good coz its a kind of a reality check. But its hard to strike a balance at the beginning. but when it becomes a habit, worry is the worst enemy. it tramples the attitude and self doubt starts to loom around everywhere. Worry affects the circulation and the whole nervous system. Its hard to find a man who dies from overwork than many who have died from doubt.

According to a research by psychologists, 40% of our worries will never happen and that 30% have already happened. An additional 12% of our worries r over unfounded health concerns and 10 % more involve the daily miscellaneous fretting that accomplishes absolutely NOTHING. Now if my addition is right, that leaves only 8%. In other words, most of the people worry 92% of their time for no good reason.

Its a fact that we have an average of 60,00 thoughts running in our head every day and 95% of the 60,000 thoughts r the same everyday. It was hard for me to imagine that so much of human energy was wasted on such inconsequential thoughts which has the effect of destroying us.

So maybe what we could do is to stop worrying about things that we cannot change. Ok now.... i can understand that its not simple. Heck its not simple AT ALL. but well.... i guess there is nothing wrong in giving it a try. Like we could avoid re-winding that conversation with that "person" whom we have a crush on and stop worrying about how we couldve made it actually better. or the stupid line that we used in front of some people which wouldve saved us from some embarrassment. All these things happen to EVERYONE around n ya.... all of us do make fools out of ourselves at one point or the other.

Maybe if it is the L word that we r worrying about.... what the heck... We r here to rule and F*** *f* to anyone who has a problem with that. We could use up all the energy that we spend on worrying about doubts in a productive way like "what am i gonna do about my life?" ive learnt that if i dont like the way in which my life is going, then there is no point in stewing it up n fretting all about it. i could rather sit n do some serious thinking about what could be done about that.

So people..... dont waste ur time worrying... worry less and act more, because worry, like the rocking chair, won't take u anywhere.

Wednesday, March 01, 2006


This is one of my favourite snaps...

its so beautiful... so alluring... so fresh.... so simple.... so innocent...

the beauty of this snap lies in its simplicity... the focus on something so inconsequential... so inconsequential but still so magnificent.... as if i had never come across a drop in my life... i was stunned to realise that such small things have been happening all around me from the time i was born but still i failed to see its beauty. this snap made me look at life with a microscope, searching for all the small things that made a difference... it was shocking to find a master piece everywhere i went... guess we'll always have a reason if we r ready to be happy... like the happiness of looking at my mother n falling into her arms now n then,
the tears that well up when helpless old ppl beg for alms,
the shy smile of my niece when she is complimented,
the small talks that i have with my father,
watching my brother have his mushy talks with his fiancee',
the meaningless excitment in looking at a rainbow,
the view from the balcony of my 5th floor apartment with a hot chocolate in hand,
the relief after praying from all my heart,
always trying to act calm after a compliment,
the celebration of the rain drops when they become a part of the puddle,
the rain that draws a transperent screen all over the city,
the light breeze that just gives a peck on the cheek on its way,
the sun that fights before it leaves everyday putting up a drama in colours,
lovers holding hands watching a beautiful sunset,
having a rapid conversation with no words,
the soft squishy smile of a baby, the simple joy in window shopping,
the sensuous dance of a flame on the lamp,
the spark when two eyes meet,
the trickle of sweat that just slides down ever so slow after a heavy work out,
the thrill before reading a new book,
the fulfillment after accomplishing something difficult,
sniffing the delicious aroma of food while entering home,
the smell of earth after a heavy spell of rain,
watching the stars on a clear night from the top of a mountain....

after looking at the small miracles that happens around me everyday, somehow the concept of macro n micro unified into one bcoz an atom is macro to a nucleaus, a cell is macro to an atom, a tissue is macro to a cell..........n it goes on......where the earth becomes macro to the humans.... but at the solar systam is macro to our earth n the galaxy is macro for this system n the universe is macro for the galaxy!!!! does it stop there??? or is there something beyond the universe??? is our universe just a cell?? i dont wanna go beyond this when i know no one knows the answer for now..... so lemme as well be happy by making myself macro n looking at things....